"You can't become mayor, Cartman." I'm currently face to face with Cartman right outside of Dr. Mephesto's lab.
It's day 4 of Fractured but Whole and Cartman decided to throw all his remaining cards on the table after the police raid. Both teams united like in canon after the raid with no civil war fighting taking place as Scrambles was crushed to death under some rubble during the Shub-Niggurath fight.
He gave me plenty to do today after he tore up Timmy's franchise plan which the kids in canon apparently never considered making backup copies of or taking a few photos in case it was damaged or taken.
That was beyond stupid on their part but we never had any intentions of making some movie franchise here. As for what happened after, Cartman sent ninjas and mutant 6th graders to kidnap a bunch of the hero's friends and family members and the victims are now going on wild goose chases to get them back.
Other kids like Clyde had groups of enemies like the Raisin Girls knocking on their doorstep. Said kid came running to my house after they gave him a not so warm welcome and begged me to save him while over a dozen girls with glares that could kill and outfits that left little to the imagination were standing several feet away.
"*sigh* Ok girls, so you're angry at Clyde because he owes you money, right?"
"That's right."
"And Clyde, you're a dumbass who decided to spend way more money than you had available to you, right?"
"It wasn't my fault, Dovah! Those evil temptresses distracted me and-"
"Answer the question, Clyde."
"...Yes to the second part. Not the dumbass part."
"Okay. Girls, since my friend here currently has no money to pay you back with, Clyde here is going to clean every speck of dirt and grime in your restaurant from tables to dishes to toilets until he pays back every single cent he owes you. Is this agreeable to you?"
"WHAT? BUT DOVAH I-"
"We agree to that, cutie."
"BUT DOV-"
"Ok, have fun Clyde." The girls drag a kicking and screaming Clyde away and I check my phone only to see most of the other heroes freaking out via text.
The entirety of South Park's police force is surrounding Tolkien's house, Craig and Tweek are trying to recover a kidnapped Stripe, other heroes like Stan, Jimmy, and Kyle are looking for one or more of their parents or friends, and Kenny and Timmy are dealing with the occasional mutant 6th grader wrecking havoc and the adults who are all continuing to act like lunatics.
'Holy hell, things went off the wall fast! Cartman's plan in canon basically revolves around the New Kid so he must really be struggling without that centerpiece in his game.'
New Kid is the main character in Fractured but Whole. Take that guy out and you have Cartman's plan going to shit. Today or Day 4 of this game was supposed to be New Kid going on a scavenger hunt to find their kidnapped parents while taking selfies with Mitch Connor supporters (Cartman forces the guy to) so Cartman gets all of New Kid's online clout.
Freedom Pals then beat him up and after a torture session of New Kid farting on him after eating some disgusting shit, he cracks and reveals that Mephesto's Lab is where he's taking and altering both cats for more drugs and 6th graders for crazy mutant bodyguards.
The heroes then head over there, everything goes to shit, New Kid has to fight a bunch of mutants with asses all over them due to Dr Mephesto's ass fetish or whatever his deal with asses is, and then they end up failing to stop Cartman before he becomes mayor so New Kid has to time travel back into the past but that part isn't important right now and would also take way too long to go over.
My (New Kid's) parents been dead for years and he knows that he can't blackmail me so I guess he decided to fuck with everyone else instead.
I call Butters who is facing a revolt from his unpaid minions since Cartman never paid him after the attack on day 2 and I tell him that I'll wire him some money to deal with it. Once he's done, he will take his army and attack Mephesto's lab.
If the heroes are busy, I'll just use the villains. They can overwhelm the mutants with sheer numbers and the current Butters should be enough to deal with Kyle's genetically modified kaiju cousin.
After his training, I would probably put his regular state around Nazi Zombie Princess Kenny level back in Stick of Truth. Of course, Kenny would still win in that hypothetical fight due to his immortality but as far as power goes, Butters is in a pretty good spot, especially if he transformed into his anime buff form.
I then try and get into contact with Wendy but to no avail. It seems like Cartman messed with the hero's phones again only this time, it was with everyone's phones. Of course, Kenny, Timmy, and I have our own specially made phones that we could use just fine even if we were on another planet or dimension but that's just us.
I decided to just go help my friends for now and rendezvous with Butters later.
I first go to Craig and Tweek who are trying to solve a riddle left by "Mitch Connor" which I sent to Timmy since he's the smartest person here by far.
Cartman used his Mitch Connor alias for all of these attacks and still did that speech where he declared he was running for mayor on the news during the start of day 4 in canon TFBW.
Like I said before, he must have wanted to distract everyone for as long as possible so he could become mayor but he could only do so much in the end. I can't really blame him for this as he simply had no way of winning in the first place. It's like he was the Confederacy in Star Wars, he was destined to fail from the start.
Now while I have a list of grievances against Cartman that is fast approaching the 400 mark (started that little side project about 2 years ago out of sheer boredom and annoyance), that doesn't mean I don't feel a bit bad for him considering just how screwed he became when I showed up here.
I won't kill him but I refuse to let this go like canon. I refuse to let him win in even a single timeline.
I continue heading to the other heroes one by one to help them out before ending my little trip with a visit to the Coon.
Cartman's POV:
Welp, I'm done for. The plan with the police cult's monster god thing failed miserably and I can only distract these guys for so long. I barely got anything from them in the end so this plan was a total fucking failure.
Even now, Butters and his army of tinfoil kids are storming the genetics lab. While I'm pretty confident the mutants can deal with them, the second Kenny, Timmy, or Dovahkiin get here, it's game over.
Intricate plans aren't going to work against him or his friends. Worst case scenario, they can use their sheer power to bust through any plans I set up. What I need is power to match and surpass their own but I have no way of doing that without Cthulhu who still won't fucking help me.
This bullshit was rigged against me from the start. The time where I could stop him myself has long since passed. But I won't give up. Germany was in the fuckin' gutter after the first world war yet the Nazis still rose up and nearly took the entire planet over during the second one.
If they can do it, I can do it too. I've been through way more than that motherfucker. I've lived in South Park my whole life while he's only been here a few years. There has to be something from the past I can use. Something even he would never expect.
*BOOOOOM*
Butters busts down the door to the main control center where I am sitting.
"It's over, Eric. Just give up."
"If you wanted things to be that easy Butters, you should have brought Dovahkiin along." I make the control center go down to the first level from the third and unleash my latest, greatest, and most annoying project as Mitch Connor.
"IIIIIII'MMMMMMM BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!"
Even as he is now, Butters shouldn't be able to beat Cousin Kyle. That should buy me some time to get out of here and into City Hall. I doubt I'll be able to hide out until I get sworn in as mayor but what do I have to lose at this point?
It's only been a day yet Dovahs moved past all my remaining pieces with one of his. Why am I not surprised?
"You can't become mayor, Cartman." And speak of the fucking devil. The second I leave the war zone that is Mephesto's lab, Dovahkiin is waiting for me.
"And here I thought you would send Mysterion or Dr Timothy to bring me in." I comment.
"No, this plan of yours was always between you and me. It's only right that it ends between us."
"Plan of mine? How stupid do you think I am? We both know who the real puppet master is, you douchebag."
"Last I checked, I'm not the one who used a hand puppet to become a kingpin who is trying to also become mayor in order to make every day Christmas." I grit my teeth at this. Is he serious right now? Does he really think I don't know what's really going on?
"You keep playing these games, BUT I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! KENNY, BUTTERS, WENDY, ALL PAWNS IN YOUR FUCKING GAME TO TAKE THE BOARD FROM THE REST OF US! YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME FUCKING PROPHET WHO'S MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE?! YOU'RE DOING THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING I AM!!!"
"You're right, Cartman. I am doing what you're doing. I never said I saw myself as the hero here. I'm just doing what I think is right like you are. You're forgetting the key difference between us though."
"AND WHAT'S THAT, HUH?!?"
"You think solely about yourself. You're making the world a better place for you only while I'm trying to make it better for others alongside myself. Am I making it better for everyone? No, that's not possible and it never will be. But have I made it better for Kenny? Butters? Timmy? Jimmy? Wendy? I can't speak for them so just ask them if you want to find out."
He looks at me like an adult lecturing a child. Does he think he simply levitates above us all? News flash, asshole; being good at planning and having a few superpowers doesn't make you god.
"So that's it, huh? You only make things better for those you think are worthy and cast others like me aside while taking everything from them? Who gave you the pedestal to play god?"
"People like you who try to destroy everything I've built have to be taken care of to a certain degree. You would do the same thing to me if the roles were reversed. I'm not trying to completely destroy you, Cartman. We can all stay here and go about our lives in South Park."
"I just need to be a good little pet and stay out of your way, right? Do you know who Kenny's best friend was before you came along? ME! Do you know who Butters would always help out with plans before you? ME! You took so much from me, Dovahkiin. Do you seriously expect me to just sit there and take it? Would you sit there and take it?"
"I wouldn't. I would get it back or die trying. I can easily see you doing the same but we both know what your fate would be." We'll see about that, douchebag.
I extend the metal claws on my right hand, channel the lightning brought out by my earlier swears around me, and lunge at him only for him to block my sharp, metal, lightning coated swipe with one fucking finger.
"The games are over, Eric. The conclusion has passed. You lost."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I roar. "Stop treating me like some character in a fucked up story!"
"Oh, but you are." He chuckles. "Only it's my story now, and it won't be ending the way you wish but trust me when I say it's for the best."
"..."
"If it's any consolation, I've seen you as my biggest threat since the day I came here. Despite all the things I've had to face, from ads to demons to gods, my opinion of you has never changed. You can take it easy now, Cartman. Go on your crazy adventures with Stan and Kyle, I'll handle things in South Park from here on out."
I retract my hand and look him dead in the eyes.
"I hope you don't regret building this up as the higher you go, the more painful it will be when you fall from grace. What happened with Leslie was only a small sample of the pain you'll feel when that happens, Dovahkiin."
"Some risks just have to be taken. There's no getting this far without them. Thanks for the warning Eric, really. I'll leave you alone now." He then walks off without even telling me to drop out of the election. I guess he's assuming the others will be much more forceful if I don't do it now myself.
I sit down on the hill as I think things over. I guess I learned something today... god, I sound like the jew right now. I learned that schemes and planning, in the end, fall before absolute power. Dovah's power is far from absolute (despite what he makes you feel) but still more than enough to trample me.
On the one hand, I feel like a small burden has been lifted from me. If this town goes up in flames for good, I can point at and blame him while laughing my ass off. He created this game. If he fails, that's on him.
On the other hand, that inner pride and rage is still bubbling up inside of me. The douchebag beat me, plain and simple, and part of me just can't accept that.
The last small part is just plain upset. I really did see Kenny as my best friend and despite him being immortal, I feel like he's truly gone now. Stan and Kyle would always bitch and moan about something wrong with the environment or society but not Kenny. He always made things better for the group, gave us laughs, cheered us up, and went with the flow.
I don't know when the tears started to roll down my face but next thing I knew, I was crying. I can't stand looking weak in front of others as it would ruin the image I had built for myself throughout the years.
Everyone has their secrets, I still play with the few dolls I didn't murder, I unleash my inner pig when I'm forced to get a shot, but this... this is the one thing I would sell out all that other embarrassing stuff to hide in a heartbeat.
That's why I nearly leapt into orbit when a hand was placed on my shoulder.
"I'm not here to murder you if that's what you're thinking." Oh, it's her.
"You escaped, huh?"
"You should have just taken my phones away instead of just getting rid of cellular. A few sacrificial phones with pictures of boobs on them was more than enough of a distraction for those 6th grade mutants of yours."
"Why does every force on my side have such a dumb weakness? Also, you can't look shit up without wifi. Did you seriously use pictures of your raisins to distract those guys?"
"No fatass, how do you think I dealt with the 6th graders before? I had a few pictures from random porn sites saved to image galleries on some of my phones that I could use to distract them before bashing their faces in with selfie sticks."
"Heh, looks like those asian chicks were onto something."
"You sure you want to get better this way? Isolating what little you have left doesn't seem like the best solution to your current problem."
"...You heard it all?"
"Every word."
"So what's your answer then? Also, you know he was behind the yaoi thing, right?" She sits down next to me and sighs.
"Yeah. I kind of had that coming after what I did. I really threw Craig and Tweek under the bus back then while trying to get brownie points from PC Principal. I should've never tried getting on that asshole principal's good side. I got more detention during those few months alone than the last 10 years put together!"
"Well, having the extra company was nice. It gets kind of boring after being stuck there with Craig and the goths for so long. The detention room was filled to the fuckin' brim when he was in power. I'd call you a dumbass for trying to suck up to that asshole in more ways than one but I was kinda guilty of the same... I miss the days where it was just us in the rat race."
"You mean like when you cheated in that essay contest to get on TV (Season 1: Weight Gain 4000) or tried to steal the school president job from me through bullshit smurf propaganda? (Season 13: Dances with Smurfs) You know Dovah went several leagues above anything we've ever done for his own plans, right?"
"Yeah, he basically flipped the maze we were racing through over and shot us with a bazooka."
"That's one way of putting it. You could've just said we never stood a chance."
"You know what I mean. You never did answer my original question though. Has Dovahkiin really made things better for you?"
"...Well, it's not like I really gained or lost anything personally. I doubt he would be interested in running the cheer squad or any school activities really. It's mainly my moral views that have been affected by him. He's done things I never could have imagined doing myself. So many people nowadays are just all talk. If Dovah says he's going to do something, I have no doubt he'll do it no matter how crazy it sounds."
She turns towards me as she finishes.
"Things were always going to change eventually. If he wasn't here, then the ads or PCs would have changed everything instead. Some people may not like what changes happen but how many of those people will actually stand up and do something about it? He was one of those people, that's all there is to it."
"Barely anyone is willing to stand and right for a revolution and even fewer people are successful. I tried to act and think of a way to win but it may really be too late for me."
"Well, I suggest you start appreciating what you still have because you never know when you might lose that too."
"Yeah... I guess so. Thanks Wendy, Seriousleh." Trying to kiss her will probably result in me getting castrated so I just give her a genuine smile before leaving.
At least we're on the same page now despite still being on different sides. I guess you could say that we're... Fractured but Whole? Ok, I'll stop now. Coon out.
Author's Notes:
The Fractured But Whole in canon was New Kid trying to rise against Cartman. Here it's the exact opposite.
When I first started planning this latest story arc, I knew that at this point, having Fractured but Whole go like it did in canon would simply be impossible. Dovah has become far too powerful for Cartman to even try and manipulate but I still wanted it to happen so after thinking about it for a while, I realized that Cartman could possibly still attempt his mayor plan, only with said plan being for completely different reasons then it was in canon.
I also wanted to have TFBW be a chance to reflect on all that has happened so far and show the thoughts of South Parkers besides the big 3 (Dovah, Kenny, and Timmy) as it's not just them getting affected but everyone. Naturally, someone like Cartman would be heavily against what Dovah is doing but at this point in the game, there's really no way Cartman can stop him. Dovah made sure of that.
Now while I don't really ship Cartman and Wendy together, I do think that the duo have an interesting dynamic with each other and could make for a terrifying team if they put their differences aside for a bit. Both feel the effects of the changes Dovah made the most and reacted in different ways despite coming to a similar conclusion.
Cartman opposed Dovah while Wendy accepted him and despite this difference in beliefs, both ultimately came to an understanding. This won't be the last you hear of either though. As I said before, unlike in the show, actions here will have consequences overtime and things are only going to heat up even more from here on out.
Overview so far:
Stick of Truth Arc: Chp 1 "A Brand New Reality" - Chp 16 "Light at the Distorted Tunnel's End"
(Covers Stick of Truth)
Ad Arc: Chp 17 "Out of Order" - Chp 32 "Shutting Down"
(Covers Seasons S18-S19)
Development Arc: Chp 33 "Christmas With the Satanists Part 1" - Chp 45 "Uno Reverso"
(Covers Seasons S20-S21 Episode 4)
Fractured but Whole Arc: Chp 46 "The Fractured but Whole" - Chp 61 "???"
(Covers TFBW, Casa Bonita DLC, Bring the Crunch DLC, The rest of S21)
Nahkriin Arc: Chp 62 "???" - Chp 78 "???"
(The arc where everything goes to shit)
Props to anyone who figures out
A: What language the word "Nahkriin" is from
B: What it translates to in English
Over 7,000 reads and hundreds of votes so far is just insane. Thank you all again for the support you've given me so far and expect chapters to continue being posted once every few days.