Wendy's POV:
"Are you guys okay?" Jimmy and I were just freed by the other members of both teams, most of which look like they've seen better days.
"You guys are lucky. I was stuffed inside a fucking dog cage. I could barely move in there!" Clyde starts to rant but Kenny stops him.
"We can discuss this later. We have to stop Chaos."
"Who made you the fuckin' leader, Mysterion?" Cartman tries to start shit but is forced to turn his attention towards the dozen or so chaos minions heading our way.
Butters may have an army but he isn't a match for two teams of superheroes. In fact, I'm pretty sure Kenny or Timmy could easily do this on their own if they really wanted to.
We reach the "lava factory" where Timmy uses his telepathy to throw the heaps of red lego bricks on all the chaos minions who attempted to ambush us and we continue forward.
When we get back to the throne room, Butters isn't there but several turrets and minorities wearing tinfoil armor are. I had selfie sticks to deflect the baseballs with but others weren't so lucky like Craig who got hit right in the face by one or Clyde who got hit right in his manhood by another.
While Chaos wasn't in the throne room, he was, however, popping up on any of the hundreds of flat screen TVs he decided to buy in order to provide commentary as we traveled throughout his evil lair.
"Why not join the dark side, fellas?"
"Fuck off, Butters."
"Uhhh... we have cookies?"
"Cookies?"
"Don't even think about it, fatass!"
"I wasn't going to join him, I was going to steal them, jew!"
"Heroes don't steal, fat boy!"
"Then how the fuck are you one, jew?"
"Chaos launchers, FIRE AT WILL!"
"Which one is Will?"
"Bzzzzzz. He means fi-"
"Shut it and run, Mosquito!"
"FIRE AT THE HEROES!!!"
*BANG* *BOOM* BOOM* *BANG* *BANG*
"...You MISSED??? HOW COULD YOU MISS?!? THEY WERE LIKE 5 FEET AWAY FROM YOU!!!"
"Face it, Chaos. Your minions make Stormtroopers look like professional marksmen."
...I can now see why Dovah prefers using a small crew instead of an army. Quality over quantity and all that.
Besides a few small roadblocks here and there, our united team seems to be dominating with the Freedom Pals doing most of the work. From what I've gathered, this was meant to be for just Coon and Friends to handle so it makes enough sense that we're destroying them right now with the extra heroes with us. However, I haven't forgotten what Butters said.
While Kenny or Timmy wouldn't have much trouble dealing with him, the same can't be said for everyone else and I doubt the former two are going to carry everyone. Besides stopping the ambush in the lava factory, they've kept the fighting they do to a minimum.
We eventually reach a pretty good vantage point at U-Stor-It where we see dozens of trucks being filled with lego bricks up ahead.
"Oh my god. He's gonna declare the entire town lava."
"So you called in the Freedom Pals, Coon? So much for being the better superhero team." Professor Chaos makes himself known as he stands on a higher section of the roof.
"I was outvoted, asshole. Also, you really think you can take us all on yourself? Your fuckin' army failed and your meth heads failed, didn't they?"
"That may be so, but they were just grunts in the end. We both know what true power is, Coon. Dovahkiin taught us that, did he not?" Small bolts of lightning begin to crackle around him.
"You're not the only one who can use lightning, asshole. I had my new hand pair up with a certain forced implant of mine, motherfucker!" Lightning begins to gather around Cartman as well as soon as he swears.
'He linked his metal prosthetic hand with his v-chip? Was that what the lightning around him was when he saved me?'
Cartman lunges at Butters way faster than a fat 10 year old should be able to with lightning streaking behind him only for Butters to catch Cartman's right hand without budging an inch.
Butters smirks as the lightning around Cartman begins to gather around and into himself as Cartman panics and tries to pull his hand away from Butter's grasp to no avail.
"Chaos." Butters whispers as pulls his fist back and punches Cartman, turning him into a comet of lightning as he's sent flying across half of U-Stor-It.
I along with all the other heroes are frozen in fear at this with Kyle and Clyde being the first to act after a few seconds.
"COON!" Kyle shouts as he uses his kite to fly off the roof and towards Cartman with Clyde right behind him but they're both shot down by a giant ball of lava.
Dougie or General Disarray then appears in a giant tinfoil mech made up of tons of chaos minions.
"Where do you think you're going, heroes? Meet Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme!" He sneers as the other Coon and Friends launch towards him.
"G-G-G-Get the FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!" Jimmy shouts while speeding past the mech and towards Kyle, Cartman, and Clyde but a volley of missiles throw him off course.
Professor Chaos floats down as this is happening and fires a massive blast of lightning at me and the Freedom Pals as we try to dodge but end up getting sent flying in all directions with me barely staying on the roof using my selfie sticks as support.
I get back up and charge at Butters only for him to blast me back towards the wall on the opposite side of the roof which makes me cough up blood.
Chaos then charges towards me but he gets sent back by a kick from Mysterion. I get back up and get into a battle stance with my selfie sticks as Mysterion powers up with a light blue aura surrounding him and screams echoing around him.
"Guess I can't complain about this." Butters comments as he gets back up and sticks his right hand in the air.
"I summon you! Come forth and do my bidding, Hammer of Chaos!" Butters shouts as lightning strikes down on him and a giant hammer suddenly flies towards him and lands in his grasp.
"So he didn't just make one of those for Dovah, huh?" I hear Kenny mutter under his breath.
'One of those? Does that mean it's like Dovah's scepter?' While I doubt that Timmy would make Butters a weapon as powerful as that scepter, it's probably a far cry from being a regular warhammer.
Lightning erupts from the hammer and only seems to be amplifying Butters own as he gets into his own battle stance.
"Don't use your sticks. They'll serve as conduits for his lightning to channel through and harm you. I'll engage him directly while you focus on ranged attacks." Mysterion commands as he charges in while forming a scythe made out of blue flames.
"Right!" I shout as I recall my selfie sticks and get ready to use a Phone Destroyer.
Mysterion and Professor Chaos charge at each other with the shockwave from the clash nearly throwing me off my feet.
Kenny flips over Butters and his hammer and swings the back of his scythe into the villain, knocking him into the air. Butters rains down blasts on him in retaliation, pinning Mysterion down but right before he slams his hammer into Kenny's head, the Phone Destroyer I sent him goes off, stunning him and Kenny kicks him back into the air.
An explosion then nearly causes me to fall over and I turn around to see over a dozen missiles raining down on the other heroes, Coon and Friends and Freedom Pals alike. I use Phone Destroyer on Dougie which stuns him for a bit and both Craig and Scott use this chance to slam into one tinfoil leg each, nearly causing the giant mech to fall over.
"OP missile barrage incoming!" Disarray announces as he uses missiles to keep the others away while grabbing Craig and Scott with one hand each before swinging them around and throwing them off the roof.
The two are caught by Mysterion and he's using what looks like a dark cloud of mist (Dark Whisper) as he pulls them back but Chaos uses this chance to slam him in the back with his hammer and sends Mysterion flying.
He then calls down lightning on the hammer like he's Thor and sends it towards the storage locker Kenny crashed into, blowing it up in the process.
'And to think this is all scripted by them. I can't imagine what a serious fight would be like now. The fight with the ads alone looked almost unreal and that was years ago. Then there's the fight between Dovah and Kenny that Bebe caught with her drone.'
A rainbow colored beam emerges from the smoke and Chaos tries to block it with his hammer but is still sent a few dozen feet back. Mysterion bursts from the rubble and both charge back into each other to begin round two.
Craig and Tweek are holding off the giant mech while Tolkien and Stan set up some of the chaos turrets to be used against their creators and Jimmy appears to be healing Kyle and Clyde using one of his own powers.
(A/N: Jimmy is using his ability, "Transporter", that he has in TFBW.")
I don't see Cartman anywhere in the debris though. Is he even still alive after that blast?
'Well, he did save my life yesterday so I guess I owe him one.' I jump down from the roof and head over to where Cartman was sent.
I find him after a few minutes and he looks to be barely hanging on.
"*cough cough* Ugh. Fucking Butters! I swear, this town is turning into a fuckin' anime or something."
"You ok, Cartman?"
"Well Wendy, there's more blood around me than in me, I can't feel my legs, and I can see two of you which means that unless Dovah taught you a cloning ability, I either have a concussion *cough* or brain damage. Other then that, I'm fucking fantastic! How are you?"
"No need for sarcasm, Cartman."
"Well, I'm pretty sure I'm dying right now so can you give me a break here?"
"Alright, just hang on. I'll text Jimmy. He's healing Kyle and Clyde right now and can heal you."
"You really think he's gonna do that? *cough* Dovah and his lackeys want me out of the way, don't they? They'll just leave me here to rot."
"They're not going to leave you to rot, Cartman! They aren't trying to kill you."
"Of course not, they just want to take everything from me and let things play out from there. Who's gonna care if I'm dead when I have nothing left."
"You have your friends, Cartman! Stop being stupid!" I text Jimmy and ask him to come and heal Cartman. He responds by saying he'll be there in a flash and he then literally comes in a flash.
"See? Jimmy's here to heal you. Now stop complaining and let him do his thing." Jimmy gives me a confused look but I signal at him to drop it which he shrugs at and uses his healing ability on Cartman a couple times.
"Ok, this damage is r-r-r-really bad so you might want to take it easy for a while. My healing can only do so much, I'm afraid. Dovah and Kenny have much better healing abilities then I do so maybe ask Kenny when this is over?"
*BOOOOOOOM*
Speaking of the devil, Kenny and Butters fly over us while clashing and circle back around U-Stor-It.
"Well, I better get ba- better get ba- Well, I better get baaaaa-ba-"
"Just go, Jimmy"
"Ok." He then speeds off towards the mech that seems to be a bit smaller then I remember.
"Come on, we need to help the others, or are you just going to leave your team out to dry?"
"Hey, I nearly died just now! Give me a break, hoe! I gave you one when you nearly died yesterday, didn't I?"
"We weren't dealing with a supercharged Professor Chaos or giant tinfoil Mechazord yesterday."
Jimmy's POV:
I finish healing Kyle and Clyde while the others are attacking the chaos minions making up the legs which seem to be working as the mech begins to creak. The giant tinfoil robot eventually collapses into itself but there is still a good chunk of it left as the ginger kid piloting it calls for phase 2.
"Come on guys, we can do this. The mech is now l-l-literally half-assed." Wow, what a terrific audience. Besides the angry ginger now shooting dozens of tinfoil missiles at me, the people here seem to really love my comedy.
Speaking of comedy, I see Wendy dragging Cartman by his cape towards us with the overweight furry having his arms crossed the entire time.
Cartman's POV:
"Mother. Fucker." In the span of 5 minutes, I nearly die a second time tonight due to fucking Butters of all people, get relentlessly nagged at and dragged across the dirt by the hippie bitch, and now watch my team getting torn apart by a little ginger on a power trip.
And that's after spending all night fighting through an army of psychotic Mexicans wearing tinfoil and nearly dying in a meth lab explosion. Oh, and also being forced to call in Freedom Pals (Dovah's bitches) for help because the 'Friends' in 'Coon and Friends' are all useless except for Jimmy who is also one of Dovah's bitches. The latter is just pretending to be useless.
"That is IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!!" I break free from Wendy and extend the claws on my metal hand while channeling lightning through it and charge towards the ginger shit.
These fuckers are getting away with this over THEIR DEAD BODIES!!! Yes, I know how the saying is supposed to go. Yes, my change to it was intentional.
Kyle's POV:
Dougie begins his boss fight's second phase as Chaos Medics jump down from the roof we started the fight on and head over to try and repair the mecha minion. Stan and Tolkien manage to stop them by using their own chaos turrets against them.
Clyde, Craig, and I then charge at Dougie with the kid grabbing Craig again and launching him at me. I manage to slide under the flailing Craig but get knocked away into the wall of one of the lockers right after by the mech.
Clyde gets a few punches and pecks in on the load bearing minion but gets knocked away himself when Dougie spins the mech around.
He turns his attention back towards me as he loads up more missiles.
"Say goodnight, Human Kite! Heh, rhyme." I panic and use my kite like a shield while closing my eyes but as he's about to fire at me...
"That is IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!!" Cartman of all people screams and charges towards him while being surrounded by lightning.
Dougie turns towards Cartman and fires the barrage of missiles at him but Cartman sends several slashes of lightning towards him which cut right through the missiles and land on General Disarray's minion mech, pushing the thing back a few steps.
Cartman fires another few energy slashes at Dougie before flipping around and drop-kicking him before following up with another slash at the mech while in mid-air.
When Cartman lands on the ground, he picks up a metal pole from the debris and hurls it at the mech, imbedding itself into the glass dome surrounding the ginger. He then leaps forward and grabs onto the pole with his left hand before impaling the long metal claws on his right hand into the shield.
Lightning then surrounds him with the glass shattering and the mech exploding soon after, sending the minions making the thing up flying everywhere.
"But... there were supposed to be three phases." Dougie weakly coughs out before passing out.
"Dude."
"Dude."
"D-D-Dude." Everyone's now staring at Cartman. Even Kenny and Butters stopped their fight.
"Hah, heh, you're next, *pants* Chaos." Not sure how he's gonna stop him since Butters is about 50 feet in the air right now and can absorb Cartman's lightning but he's already amazed everyone once tonight."
"Dougie?" Butters weakly asks as he's suddenly grabbed by that mist grappling move from Mysterion again and hurled into the ground.
His hammer was already restrained and he seemed to be pretty beat up beforehand by Kenny so that probably finished him.
Mysterion lands and we all take the chance to catch our breath and discuss what to do now. We eventually settle for a joint interrogation on Butters before having our teams go our separate ways. We decided to save it for tomorrow as we can all use some sleep right now.
Unfortunately, I don't get any as I'm stuck trying to sleep right next to my god-awful cousin who's mere breathing is somehow louder than my mom's nagging.
Maybe I should have taken Butters' offer earlier if it meant getting away from my fucking family.