"Randy, I swear to god if you don't fuck off, I'm gonna have my security system fill you with more metal then Wolverine!" Another year comes and goes and season 21 recently started with Randy trying to get me on his renovating show to increase its popularity (New Kid's online popularity powers suck).
"Ok FINE, GOD! Come on, Sharon." Frankly, most of season 21 doesn't really concern me but there are a few things I want to change for the benefit of my friends.
I don't really care about the whole Alexa thing and I'm not having one of the rednecks manage my house. That's what my security system is for. Thanks, Timmy.
I'd rely on Kenny to keep the rednecks and psycho fans out but he's having some... issues at the moment. The fucking addict discovered he could create some candy drug from that TV show, Gravity Falls-
(("Smile Dip.")) Thank you, Timmy.
And is currently... well...
"ggglllllllaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaahhhaaaaaaaaa..."
"Kenny?" *snap* *snap* "Keeeeennnnny? You in there, bud?" His pupils are taking up like 90% of his eyes right now so probably not.
The guy even sold some to a couple other kids and homeless people which led to us being forced to have an assembly at school about the dangers of Smile Dip. We got to see some clips from Gravity Falls which was nice and I'm pretty sure most people walked out of there wanting to try some themselves. Good going, Mackey.
Why Kenny decided to become a drug dealer when we are literal billionaires is beyond me.
Back to the plot, with Cartman and Heidi never getting together here in season 20, a big part of season 21 is already taken out. Cartman is pretty much back to his old self now with him ditching the Tolkien shirts and hellbent on making people's lives miserable.
I even picked up on him making some preparations for Fractured but Whole with his Mitch Connor persona beginning to do some recruiting in the criminal underworld. I guess even after everything I've changed, that's still happening.
I'm kinda curious to see how his plan will change since it revolved around the New Kid in canon but I made sure that he wouldn't dare try to use me like a puppet in this world.
Even blackmailing me isn't really an option since the only way he could attempt to do that is to take Karen as a hostage but that's easier said than done after the training she got from Kenny, Timmy, and I.
Even if Cartman did manage to do that, he would then be dealing with an absolutely livid Mysterion and isekai'd Dragonborn which spells certain death for him.
As for why I'm not just stopping him before it starts, maybe it's nostalgia or just plain old curiosity. I'm confident that we can instantly put a stop to him if he ever gets out of hand so I'm not too worried about this unless he gets Cthulhu to join his team again.
Another thing I noticed recently is that the vigilante Call Girl has begun taking action as several of the trolls from season 20 have already been exposed by her. She has also been seen taking down several Chaos Minions who were robbing the phone store to get supplies for the online Chaos Machine Butters makes in season 21's "Franchise Prequel".
Butters and Wendy started up their work as Professor Chaos and Call Girl a few months ago with the former getting plenty of money for funds from partnering with the Raisins Girls and re-opening his kissing company for a bit.
(A/N: The business he made in Season 13's "Butters' Bottom Bitch")
He then set up his base like in canon and had dozens of minions do their thing on Facebook.
The exact dates the two start doing this isn't known but I'm willing to bet it wasn't this early. Especially Wendy.
Another unintentional change made by me, what else is new?
Wendy has been on the villain's ass since then and Butters already started developing countermeasures to stop her. Aside from Cartman, he's probably the smartest person here when it comes to creating business tycoons.
*knock knock knock*
Oh, speak of the devil. I had a feeling she might try and approach us for help. After locking Kenny in his room through the use of a power bind and some bone hands, I open the door and Wendy is standing there in her Call Girl outfit.
"Hello, Dovahkiin."
"Hey, Wendy."
"Wha- uhh, who is this "Wendy" you speak of? I'm Ca-"
"Not everyone in this town is a massive idiot, Wendy. You of all people should know that by now. Come on in." She does so and I lay down on my couch.
"So, what do you need?"
"Well, there's a new problem rising in South Park. Butters is creating chaos both online and in real life. I don't know what his endgame is but it can't be good." I decided to stop her call to action right there, pun intended.
"Wendy, do you really think that Butters is capable of doing anything truly evil without Cartman pulling the strings? He's a mild inconvenience at most and if you don't manage to stop him, I'm sure Coon and Friends will whenever they start playing superheroes again."
"Why them? I'm sure you know how unreliable they are by now, especially with Cartman leading them. I doubt he would even bother dealing with Butters unless he gets directly attacked by... oh my god. You're behind this too, aren't you? You're pulling the strings again."
Clever girl.
"Ding ding ding. Just give it some time, Wendy. Cartman won't take kindly to people messing with his half-assed superhero franchise. I suggest you use this time to train yourself using his army of chaos as punching bags. Having more experience will help you out when the real show begins."
I was expecting Wendy to at least be a little angry but instead she seems... dejected.
"...How do you do it?"
"Do what?" I ask while tilting my head a little.
"I'm like you Dovah, an outsider. I've watched as the people in this town get themselves into trouble again and again. When you first appeared, I thought I could stop worrying since you seemed to be doing what I never could. You had the power to change everything and you did."
Well, I had to actually get that power first but I did have an unfair advantage in terms of knowledge. I wonder where she's going with this?
"But you didn't stop every problem. You mainly focused on the really big ones like the ads and you probably tampered with other big events like the presidential election. You never talk about politics so you must have had your own secret reason for showing online support for Garrison. He dominated in the election thanks to you.
Things like this, I began to think that you thought they just weren't worth your time so I decided to do something about it myself."
She does the South Park thing where she walks a bit away from me and stares into where the fourth wall would probably be if this were the show.
"But you control these things too. You control everything, don't you? Heheh, you came here and kicked Cartman off his fat throne in a matter of days! You've been making everyone dance in the palm of your hand ever since you've gotten here! I just can't take it anymore! I have to know.
...Why?
What are you doing here? Did you come here on purpose just to take control of South Park?"
She faces me as she begins to tear up.
"I just... I don't know what to think anymore. I know you're not like Cartman when it comes to this. You've been helping people with your changes despite having the town secretly under your heel but... I don't know what to do! Should I even bother doing anything anymore?"
You know, I've always considered Wendy to be Cartman's biggest rival, not Kyle. Kyle constantly tries to stand on the moral high ground and mainly confronts Cartman on his schemes with all bark and no bite. While he does try to outsmart Cartman occasionally, Wendy does that much more often whenever she gets dragged into his schemes and has a far higher success rate.
Kyle even let himself be manipulated and turned into a Cartman clone several times throughout the show like with the crack baby basketball scheme in season 15.
Wendy, however, isn't afraid to get her hands dirty when dealing with him. Plus, her beating Cartman up in season 12 was just awesome to watch. I guess me coming in and completely taking over like this broke her like it did to Cartman.
Finding out that someone has essentially been controlling every aspect of your life in the shadows plus the lives of everyone around you all for years now is probably hard to handle for someone like her. Even if my control over this town isn't anywhere close to that extent, it still does probably seem like that's the case to someone like her.
I head over to Wendy who has broken down crying at this point and give her a warm hug using a bit of my magic. Now how to salvage this... a serving of honesty from the heart mixed with half truths, coming right up.
I know how Wendy operates. I know her morals, secrets, and what makes her tick. The boys aren't the only South Parkers I know my fair share about.
Remember what I said about taking a few pages from Cartman's book?
"Believe me, I had no intention of controlling everything here until I first came to South Park and saw it for what it was. It's basically a deathtrap for people like me.
Day 1, I nearly died via crashing a spaceship from near orbit after getting abducted and nearly anal probed. Day 2, I nearly died from Nazi Zombies and alien space goo. Day 3, I nearly died when I was LITERALLY stabbed in the back by your Nazi-Zombified boyfriend and that was after getting my ass kicked by government helicopters and most of the kids here while LARPing."
I can tell I have her attention now.
"I knew that if I wanted to survive in South Park, I had to become the top dog. I needed power, both physically and socially to protect myself and the friends I've gained since I came here.
Kenny, Timmy, Craig and his group, those friendships are all genuine. I've grown to love this town and I don't want to see it getting destroyed for good along with the rest of the world."
I look Wendy dead in the eyes as I finish. Confidence is key here and I am very confident in what I believe.
"That's why I do this. Even now, I can't control everything perfectly and I never will. I just try my best to push some things a certain way and take a much more active role on occasion when it comes to the big threats like the ads and member berries."
"*sniffle* Those therapy nostalgia fruits?"
"Yup. Their boss wanted to bring things back to how they were around WW2 and controlled Garrison to make it happen. We pulled an uno reverso on him a while back and are the ones controlling him now."
Wendy giggles a bit at this and wipes her tears away as she demands, "I want in. I'm tired of sitting in the back seat. If I want things to change, who better to work with then you? I don't know if asking you this goes against whatever "grand plan" you have but please, let me help you, Dovah."
Well, I guess having another helper won't hurt. At least she doesn't know about the whole isekai thing. Excluding Cartman (and me I guess), Wendy is probably the most capable person in town when it comes to scheming and manipulation.
In canon, that is. Timmy has us all beat here in that department.
"Ok, you want to help? Then keep doing what you're doing. Make sure Butters doesn't get too out of control until Furry and Fucks enter the scene. Once they take over, keep an eye out for a sudden increase in crime around South Park. I won't spoil the details but I'm sure you can figure out the cause soon enough."
Wendy beams at this and hugs me.
"Thanks, Dovah! I'll see you later." She then leaves with a smile on her face. Jeez, I didn't think she was that desperate to be a part of the action.
Considering what parts of the show she had a big role in, maybe Stan brought out her adventurous side whenever they were together? I know from the show she isn't exactly opposed to going on crazy adventures with Team Stan but that seemed to fade away as the show went on and she got more political as she faded into the background.
The girls have basically been background characters in the later half of the show with even Wendy and Bebe barely getting any screen time during the more recent seasons. It's the reason I never really paid much attention to them since I got isekai'd here; they just aren't very relevant to most of the various story plots from season 18 onwards.
That, however, is just in the show. I need to keep reminding myself that this isn't the show anymore. There's a lot more to this place than what was featured in the cartoon.
Everyone has desires deep down so maybe hers is just wanting to get back into the action? Maybe everything I've been doing reignited that passion and drive in her that was there during the first couple seasons? I know plenty about her, sure, but not everything.
I can't really confirm my theory without help from Timmy who probably won't because of "boundaries" or whatever but as long as it benefits me in the end, I don't see any reason to stop it.
Wendy's POV:
"I take it I was right?"
"Yup, and I'm now a part of it! Sorry for doubting you Bebe, I just didn't think it was possible, even for him."
"I told you Wends, that guy is a walking, talking pandora's box that seems to be the cause of and solution to at least 90% of this town's problems. He's like Cartman if he was hot and on steroids."
"BEBE!"
"What? Say to my face that he doesn't have the hottest voice in South Park. The girls literally made a list about that last month and he was number 1 by a landslide! Plus, I've seen what he hides under that baggy sweatshirt while we were fashion business partners. He was also such a sweetheart to Leslie when they were together!"
"He was going undercover to stop the ads from wiping out humanity."
"And he's great boyfriend material!"
"Didn't he flat out reject you every time you-"
"He had to, Wends. Accepting would have ruined his undercover work!"
"He literally rejected you last week when you asked him out to that school dance."
"That was Clyde's fault. Why can't that guy ever take the hint that I was just using him that one time for free shoes?"
"Didn't you go out with him once before that though when we had Stan and Kyle build that treehouse for all of us?
(A/N: Season 2 Episode 12 "Clubhouses")
You also flirted with him again back when the ads were defeated and we were all celebrating.
(A/N: Chapter 32 "Shutting Down")
Also also, he made it clear to Heidi that he wasn't interested in dating when Kenny set them up."
(A/N: Chapter 35 "A Day in the Second Life of Dovah")
"That was over a year ago. Besides, Heidi noted that he rejected the accusation of liking anyone a bit too quickly to not be suspicious. And he let you into his group, didn't he?"
"Maybe he just knew my history and thought I would be helpful. Plus, I'm kind of taken at the moment."
"We both know the on and off again thing with Stan is getting old. He isn't even friends with Stan so no harm no foul. This won't be like what happened with Tolkien. Just give it a shot and ask Dovahkiin out already!"
Dovah's POV:
*ACHOO*
'Oh, am I finally getting sick after like 3 years of being here? Or is someone talking about me?'
"Eyaaaaaaap."
"Oh for- I'M TAKING A SHOWER, MAN! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
I reach out for my towel only for it to ask me if I want to get high with it and also not be the towel I left out. I then hear a familiar "teeheehee" before-
*BOOM* "DOVAAAHHH! HEEEY, DOVAH! GUESS WHAT?"
Before Kenny (who is wearing nothing but his underwear and some pink goop) busts down the door.
"Kenny, I'm-"
"BIGGIE SMALLS, BIGGIE SMALLS, BIGGIE SMALLS!"
"Oh GOD DAMNIT! NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" And turns towards the bathroom mirror to fucking summon Biggie Smalls. How the hell did he even know about that? I never told him about that episode and he wasn't even fucking there when most of the kids tried that out back in Season 10!
(A/N: Season 10 Episode 11 "Hell on Earth 2006")
"WOOOOOOO! LET'S GET A FERRARI CAKE, BITCHES!!!"
"Teeheehee. Don't ice me, homie!"
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
"Anyone wanna get high?"
Why me?