• • •
Show me the parts of you you're not that proud of
I want to know, I'm just a man
• • •
Rose Potter sat stiffly on the Great Hall for the goodbye feast, however, this time she wasn't laughing and smiling about finishing another year; no one was. Her eyes were gray and clouded, her hair pined to the back of her head and a black robe hung from her shoulders.
The Great Hall was normally decorated with the winning house's colours for the Leaving Feast. Tonight, however, there were black drapes on the wall behind the teachers' table. Rose knew instantly that they were there as a mark of respect for Cedric. She flinched when he came to mind, his smile flashing in her mind painfully.
People were turning their heads to see her, whispering harshly at their friends. She had barely returned to Hogwarts, against Adrian's wishes, a couple of minutes before the Feast. Amara had instantly engulfed her in her arms and promised to never let go again, Rose couldn't bring herself to believe her.
As she thought back to Cedric, two shadows stood over her; Rose flinched and turned on her seat quickly, knocking the goblet in front of her. Her muscles relaxed, however, when her eyes met the Weasley twins and Lee Jordan.
Quickly, Lee tackled her into a hug and squeezed her against his chest. She sat there, pressed against him, feeling his heartbeat as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Before she could remember to hug him back, he was forcibly shoved backwards by something behind her.
"Careful," the voice of Adrian Pucey growled, placing a hand on her shoulder. In the few days that Rose had been in the Hospital, Adrian had appointed himself her own personal protector; she didn't mind, she came to accept the fact that she did feel safer when he was around, but she wouldn't say that to him.
Lee opened his mouth to speak, but Rose finally turned her eyes to him. "The healer said I needed space," she mumbled, trying to smile but failing tragically. "In case I go – you know – boom."
"Boom?" Lee questioned, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. She nodded simply, sending him a worried smile as her eyes wondered back to the black drapes adorning the Great Hall. "Right."
"We're glad you're alright, Rosie," George said, his attention changing between Rose and Adrian. "That's all."
"Yeah, me too," she whispered, but her hands were already gripping the edge of the table as she remembered she shouldn't be the one standing right there.
Before any more words could be exchanged between them, Dumbledore stood in front of the Great Hall. Rose saw Adrian nod at Amara as she carefully guided Rose's hand into her own.
"You'll be alright?" Adrian whispered in Rose's ear, his hand traveling from her shoulder to her arm; rubbing small circles over where he knew she had a small scar from Pettigrew's attack.
"I'll be fine, Adrian," she assured him, smiling gratefully with shining grey eyes. "Stop hovering, go back to the Slytherins."
He nodded one last time, bending to kiss the side of her head before he shot a glare at the Gryffindors who were staring at them before he walked back to his own table.
The Great Hall, which in any case had been less noisy than it usually was at the Leaving Feast, became very quiet.
"The end," said Dumbledore, looking around at them all, "of another year."
He paused, and his eyes fell upon the Hufflepuff table. Theirs had been the most subdued table before he had got to his feet, and theirs were still the saddest and palest faces in the Hall; except for Rose, she looked like she had just come back from the dead.
"There is much that I would like to say to you all tonight," said Dumbledore, "but I must first acknowledge the loss of a very fine person, who should be sitting here" – he gestured towards the Hufflepuffs – "enjoying our Feast with us. I would like you all, please, to stand, and raise your glasses, to Cedric Diggory."
Rose did, as did everyone else, with shaky hands as she tried to keep her tears from spilling. Everyone stood and raised their goblets, and echoed, in one loud, low, rumbling voice, "Cedric Diggory."
Rose couldn't hold it anymore, and silent tears began to spill from her eyes rapidly. Before she could blink them away, she caught Harry's eye from across the table. His expression solemn as he looked down at the tables before sitting back down. Rose felt a pang of hurt in her chest, she hadn't spoken to him since the task; she didn't know what to say.
"Cedric was a person who exemplified many of the qualities which distinguish Hufflepuff house," Dumbledore continued. "He was a good and loyal friend, a hard worker, he valued fair play. His death has affected you all, whether you knew him well or not. I think that you have the right, therefore, to know exactly how it came about."
Rose raised her head, her heart beating loudly as she tried pleading with her eyes that Dumbledore wouldn't say it.
"Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort."
A panicked whisper swept the Great Hall. People were staring at Dumbledore in disbelief, in horror. He looked perfectly calm as he watched them mutter themselves into silence. Eyes glanced at Harry and Rose, as if they were Lord Voldemort himself, but Rose simply bend down her head.
"The Ministry of Magic," Dumbledore continued, "does not wish me to tell you this. It is possible that some of your parents will be horrified that I have done so – either because they will not believe that Lord Voldemort has returned, or because they think I should not tell you so, young as you are. It is my belief, however, that the truth is generally preferable to lies, and that any attempt to pretend that Cedric died as the result of an accident, or some sort of blunder of his own, is an insult to his memory."
Stunned and frightened, every face in the Hall was turned towards Dumbledore now ... or almost every face. Rose's eyes searched Adrian, and he caught her gaze before nodding his head at her in reassurance.
"There are two other people who must be mentioned in connection with Cedric's death," Dumbledore went on. "I am talking, of course, about Harry and Rose Potter."
A kind of ripple crossed the Great Hall, as a few heads turned in Harry and Rose's direction again before flicking back to face Dumbledore.
"This pair managed to escape Lord Voldemort," said Dumbledore. "They risked their own lives to return Cedric's body to Hogwarts. They showed, in every respect, the sort of bravery that few wizards have ever shown in facing Lord Voldemort, and for this, I honour them."
Rose couldn't take it anymore; she shouldn't be standing there. The curse that killed Cedric was meant for her, not him, he should be the one standing on the Great Hall surrounded by all his friends, not her.
With one final glare at Dumbledore, Rose stood from her seat and calmly walked towards the doors. She could feel all eyes on her as she did so, but she didn't stop until she reached the corridor.
She held onto the wall besides her for dear life as her knees slowly gave out under her and a sob escaped from deep in her throat. The tears were running uncontrollably now, barely letting her see anything. She felt as if she was going to be sick for the third time that day, but she held it in.
When she heard the seats scraping indicating that the people in the Great Hall were standing, she took a deep breath and straightened her spine as much as she could before whipping her eyes with her sleeve.
Amara was the first to reach her, with Adriana and Avalon in toe. "Are you alright?" she asked, but Rose's eyes assured her that she was not.
"I'm fine," Rose replied, whipping her eyes again as she watched the students peek a glimpse of her as they filled out the Great Hall. "Just needed some air."
Amara moved to hug her but stopped as she remembered the healers saying that Rose needed some space. Amara simply bit her lip and nodded at her cousin. "We're going up to the common room, are you coming?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course," the redhead responded quickly.
"Rose-"
"It'll be fine, Adrian," Rose assured him, hoping he wouldn't see through her lies and hold her back. "I will see you in the train tomorrow."
Both Slytherins nodded and the Gryffindors went up to their common room to join everyone else. They walked in silence, and when they reached the common room, they noticed everything was silent too.
The sixth years were all huddled near the fireplace with cups filled with what Rose presumed was fire whisky and butterbeer; maybe even something stronger than that. Rose noticed a couple of fifth and fourth years also hanging around, but there was no sign of Harry, Hermione or Ron; but she did find Ginny tucked in a corner talking rapidly with her friends, a small sad smile on her freckled face.
"I'll be right back," Rose muttered to Amara before they reached the rest of the sixth years. She walked towards Ginny, and the two other third years that she was talking to scrambled away as they saw her approach, but Ginny simply smiled at Rose as if she was the most amazing thing that had ever happened.
"Didn't think I was that scary," Rose attempted to joke as she took a seat besides Ginny. Ginny grinned at Rose, her face crutching up at her. "Gin-"
Before Rose could say whatever she was going to say, Ginny tackled her in a tight hug; her hands went around Rose's shoulders as she climbed over the sixteenth-year old girl like a koala.
"Ginny!" she heard one of the twins scold from their place by the fireplace, but Rose snaked her hands around Ginny's waist and hugged her closer to her body.
She thought she was going to cry again, but Rose felt absolute bliss as she hugged Ginny tightly. The younger girl didn't say anything, she didn't need to, Rose knew what the hug meant.
Finally, Rose pulled back and noticed Ginny had some un-spilled tears in her big brown eyes. "Come to the burrow this summer, yes?" Ginny said as the sad smile returned to her face.
"Only for you, Gin," Rose whispered back at her, tucking a strand of flaming red hair behind Ginny's ear before bending down and kissing her forehead. Rose stood and walked towards the sixth years, ignoring all their stares as she took a seat between the twins with Amara and Lee before her.
"Fire whisky, Ro?" Lee offered, already filling a cup of Rose's favorite liquor.
But Rose shook her head, placing her elbows in her knees, "I can't," she said, bending down to pick one of the butterbeers from the bucket by her feet. "Healer said it could interfere with the potions I'm drinking."
Lee froze but nodded carefully after a couple of seconds, sending a glare to Angelina and Kenneth who were openly ogling at Rose. Angelina recovered first, "You must feel awful, Rose; I'm so sorry."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Amara give Angelina a look that said 'yeah, no shit,' but Rose simply nodded her head at her team mate and drank from her butter beer.
"Did you remain friends with him?" Kenneth asked, receiving an elbow in the gut by Lee.
"I did," Rose answered, before turning her attention back to Lee. "Please don't walk in eggshells around me; I'm fine."
They didn't seem to believe her, but they nodded nevertheless and began talking about their N.E.W.T. year. Rose listened but refrained to comment on anything they were talking about. She chose to lean against the couch and drink butterbeer until the common room slowly filled out and she was left only with Lee at her side.
"You can go," she told him, her head swirling a little. "You don't have to keep me company."
"I want to," he said, shrugging as he took another sip of his drink. Rose sighed, she wanted to be alone so she could cry in peace, but she knew she couldn't do that in her dorm because Amara would surely be hovering over her the whole night.
They stayed in a comfortable silence for a couple minutes; both staring as the flames of the fireplace flickered before them. Finally, Rose spoke.
"I loved him," she muttered lowly, but she knew he had heard her, a few tears were already beginning to spill from her eyes. "I think."
"What?"
"I never got to tell him," she continued, sniffing quietly as she avoided his gaze; her eyes still fixed on the fireplace. "He told me he loved me, and I never said it back."
"Rosie-"
"I never got to tell him I loved him," she cried a little louder, the butterbeer that she held on her hand shattered loudly on the floor as she let it drop when she brought her arms to her face. "He never got to know."
Rose turned her sad blue eyes at Lee and she found that he also had silent tears streaming down his cheeks. "He knew, Rosie," he whispered, and that's all it took for Rose to fling herself at him and wrap him in a tight hug. He recovered quickly, wrapping his own arms around her body as she buried her head in his neck.
"I never told him!" She sobbed, her cries echoing through the common room, and Lee was grateful that he was smart enough to cast a silencing charm around them because in less than a minute, Rose let out the loudest scream he had ever heard.
She wasn't only sad, she sounded angry as she continued to scream at the top of her lungs. "IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Lee couldn't do anything but cry with her, but Rose felt as if someone was performing the Cruciatus curse on her again and the only way she could make it stop was if she screamed. It didn't stop, not even after she had cried and screamed her voice hoarse had the pain stopped.
"Why did he have to save me?" Rose cried; her voice now low. "Why couldn't he have saved himself?"