Another day begins for me as I wake up. Training was a bitch last night thanks to Timmy's latest addition to the base, a fully functioning gravity chamber.
Turns out Dragon Ball only got the concept of gravity training somewhat right. In reality, going around in stronger gravity does help you power up but adjusting to even a couple times Earth's gravity is an absolute nightmare.
Summarizing all the sciency shit Timmy told me, this kind of exercise trains and optimizes the brain's neural network to send more clear and precise commands to the muscles in your body so it's our neural networks that are mainly improving here which is much better then regular training. Basically, training in 100 times earth's gravity would be much more effective then just lifting weights a hundred times heavier than normal due to the former strengthening the entire nervous system.
However, I doubt I will ever reach that much of a gravity increase. Even 2G isn't exactly a walk in the park. Your body weight instantly doubles so the strain is immense. Scratching your fucking nose is a challenge and sitting wrong means your hips and back will crumble. As if that isn't bad enough, the blood flow to your brain slows and you can pass out if you aren't careful.
Regular humans can't handle 3Gs without dropping like flies. Even with my magic powering me up, more than 10Gs is pure hell to put it lightly. If it wasn't for Timmy, I may have gotten brain damage by now.
That doesn't mean I'm above messing with him, though. I'm a 10 year old now so I'm allowed to be immature and I still want payback for that shit he pulled with the Danger Deck. Kenny and I put multiple bluetooth speakers in all his wheelchairs a couple days ago and have been driving him nuts during school with all the shit we play through them.
They're like hydras at this point, get rid of one and two more take its place (and increase the volume). Timmy learned that the hard way.
"🎵AND I WAS LIKE BABY, BABY, BABY, OOOOOOOOHHHHHH. LIKE, BABY, BABY, BABY, NOOOOOOOOOO!🎵"
"Tim TIMMEH!!! TIMMY TIM TIM TIMMEEEHHH!!!" He didn't even care about subtlety at that point and telepathically disassembled his current wheelchair in the middle of the hallway in front of like a dozen people after flailing around for a bit in anger.
He's ramped up the tort- I mean "training" as a result but that doesn't make it any less funny and I'm only getting stronger from it so take that, you telepathic asshole! Torn muscle fibers that could take months or longer to heal normally are dealt with in seconds thanks to my multiple healing spells. I'm basically abusing the human version of zenkai boosts.
Y'know, this kinda reminds me of the time Timmy tried to make Jimmy "go away" in season 5's "Cripple Fight" but I know all about that and he knows that I know all about that. I'll wear Kenny's parka over my dead body, Timmy.
(("That can be arranged, you bootleg anime protagonist.")) He doesn't mean it.
(("Yes, I totally do mean it."))
I take a look around my room as a few memories of my adventures here come back.
I walk by the displayed Miniature Gong Lu Kim gave me when I first cleared out the Mongolians. I kinda regret not using it during the final battle at Clyde's house but he likely wouldn't have come anyway since summons can't be used against boss fights in game and I doubt that changed here.
I see plenty of pictures that replaced the original drawings that were displayed on my desk. Unlike New Kid, I couldn't draw if my life depended on it and it felt kinda awkward having them there since I'm a different person from the New Kid.
I made my own choices here and went on my own path. Sure I used New Kid as a basis for many of my choices but I'm still me in the end despite looking like and going by Dovahkiin. Reality was right about that part.
Some are of me with Team Craig and others are with the McCormick siblings. I still don't know what the hell New Kid's last name is (parents never said first name let alone full name) so Kenny and Karen never bothered changing theirs and I still go by just Dovahkiin or Dovah. I took down all the pictures of me and Leslie.
What happened with the ad was a mistake, plain and simple. When I first got here, I was scared and unknowingly began to rely on her to feel a shred of normalcy. Stuff with Kenny and Timmy always included training or taking part in crazy adventures, it was with the ad that I went to amusement parks and walks around the mall. I did that stuff with Team Craig too but the mission forced me to get closer with the thing... and eventually leave the others until the ads were dealt with.
That look on her face before I burned her to ashes after cutting her head off still fucking haunts me.
Looking back, we could have done a far better job with this... but I know better now, I won't make that mistake again.
The goldfish tank was replaced with a lava lamp as It died like 2 weeks after I got here and I don't really have many costumes and weapons lying around since I can just use my Netherborn powers to make most of them.
I use said powers to instantly change into my normal outfit and head over to the bathroom. Turns out almost every person here literally has like 20 pairs of the same outfit here. It's just one of those South Park things I guess. I don't really need that though since I can just keep renewing my outfit with my own clothes beam.
I do have some unique outfits stored in the form of costumes for different games featured in Phone Destroyer. Every once in a while, the town's kids and sometimes a few adults like Randy gather up and play one of the versus games featured in the freemium cash grab.
For cowboys and indians (and pirates I guess), I'm a Buccaneer like Bebe only I use a cutlass instead of a grapple gun, for Christans vs Jews, I'm an Archdemon and use a heavily toned down version of my Satanic powers to fight, and in Aliens vs Robots (my personal favorite game), I'm the Alien Commander whose second in command of the extraterrestrial legion right under Red.
I spent tons of time on the latter's costume and even got some help from Timmy when making a few armor pieces. My costume is kind of like a Predator's outfit with armor covering a lot more of me and is in green and black. I also have a black cape that has two of the aliens shown in Red's card swirling around each other only for their heads to be facing opposite directions close to the top of the cape.
As for weapons, I use both a copy of the Gambol Shroud from RWBY and a poison (paintball) gun whose design is similar to a Tri-Strike Nerf Gun.
Kenny made a few upgrades to his cyborg costume as well and our battles are legendary... at least in our opinion.
The town never really does superheroes willingly unless Butters starts up one of his schemes as Professor Chaos which he hasn't done yet and we haven't played fantasy either but I'm fine with that. I've done more than enough Stick of Truth for two lifetimes.
I head downstairs after brushing and find Kenny in the middle of making some chocolate chip waffles. He has bone hands reaching in cabinets, mixing stuff, and pouring drinks for him and Karen who is looking on in awe at him.
I cannot wrap my head around why so many people with powers in fiction only use them when fighting and saving people or in villains' cases, causing chaos. It just takes a little creativity to come up with all sorts of practical ways to use whatever powers you have.
Some ways to use our powers are simple like using bone hands or dark whispers to grab stuff. Other ways are a little less simple like using bone hands to reach the pedals in a car. I'm really glad I can reverse time since I've totaled a couple borrowed (stolen) cars while practicing.
As for what abilities I have now, the list is as follows:
Fart (SOT): Dragon Shout, Cup-A-Spell, Sneaky Squeaker, Nagasaki
Fart (TFBW): Time Glitch, Time Pause, Time Reversing (several minutes max around me, 30 seconds max on me), moving time forward (unknown limit; requires more testing)
Netherborn: Soul Slash, Ghastly Grasp, Dire Shroud, Dark Whisper, Grim Fate
Satanic: Pentakill, Wall of Hellfire, Satanic Seal, Baleful Blessing, Power Bind, Unholy Combustion
Bonus: Social Media Popularity Powers (not really an ability in the traditional sense but I'm counting it), Clothes Beam (Netherborn object creation, incredibly convenient)
There are still some abilities I need to get like Time Summon from TFBW, the satanic summoning ability used by the Woodland Critters to bring over vultures and those two headed hellhounds in their season 8 Christmas episode, and Dark Blessing which is the satanic healing spell the critters use in their TFBW boss fight.
Besides that, there are also artifacts like the Diamond of Pantheos I plan on tracking down and some other things from one-off episodes I hope to get my hands on eventually. This will take time but time is something I have by the shitload right now.
I also still need to keep practicing with the majority of these powers and come up with more combinations to use but I'm making pretty good progress thanks to the Danger Deck.
Speaking of practicing, Kenny and I have been spending more time training Karen during the last few months. After her stunt at the gun show, Kenny insisted on it so she can do a better job protecting herself.
She's gotten the basics like bone hands, soul slash, and dire shroud down and can use grim fate for a few seconds before powering back down due to lack of energy.
I've seen Karen secretly drawing superhero costumes for herself that resemble Mysterions and I don't have the heart to tell her that Kenny wouldn't let her go around fighting villains if his life depended on it. He can just respawn after all.
Another hobby Kenny took up is cooking and he luckily isn't super obnoxious about it like Randy was. When I asked him why, he said that "Ladies love a man who can cook according to Chef." before giving me a wink. At least the waffles were delicious.
He then asks me if I want to go with him to Buca De Faggoncini for dinner which surprises me since he doesn't really like going to fancy places like that. I have nothing better to do though so I accept.
It's a Saturday during springtime and Clyde insists on doing what he's calling "A Beach Episode" even though it's in the 50s right now and what he's referring to usually involves having a few girls present. The only girl that will be coming on our trip is Nichole and she's taken by Tolkien.
We end up going anyway with the roster being the OG Team Craig plus Kenny, Timmy, Nichole, and I. Unsurprisingly, there are barely any other people here and Clyde begins to complain about this being a sausage fest.
After hitting him with an "I Told You So", we all go off to do our own things. Another use of Netherborn powers that Kenny and I discovered is we can use it to heat up our bodies to where the cold isn't really an issue.
We discovered it after a few months of me being here and constantly complaining about how damn cold it is. The ability is nothing short of a godsend as I can wear a t-shirt and shorts when it's snowing out and feel fine.
(("Should I just put 'Cold Weather' as your kryptonite on your character sheet?")) Timmy quips.
"Dovah! Dov Dov, Dovaaah!" They say imitation is the finest form of flattery. Timmy disagrees with them.
Trololololo lololo lololo.
I know it's typical here to wear the same outfit all the time here but sometimes I just want to dress up differently. Not sure if it's because of my old world or what but my clothes beam prevents that from being a problem.
We discovered we can do the opposite as well a few months ago but only when powered up into Grim Fate. We've basically mastered the transformation now to the point where we don't have to use stamina on it and discovered this little trick after messing around with it a bit.
Remember how powering up into it causes the 'chilled' debuff to be given to enemies all around you in game? Well turns out the frost element can be manipulated to an extent while in Grim Fate. We haven't figured out how to do much with it yet but hopefully, I'll be able to shoot out waves of ice soon enough.
While we can hold Grim Fate indefinitely if we wanted to, we only use it when going all out in training. Training in base is the way to go as it allows for a greater increase in base power than if I were to train while transformed. The stronger I am in base, the stronger I am once transformed.
I don't know if there are any Netherborn power-ups beyond Grim Fate and I doubt my power is going to mutate again like it did with that demonic energy from the Demon Child class so I'm not going to bother wasting time attempting either of those things. Best to stick with what I know.
Time is what allowed Kenny to get pretty far ahead of me in terms of base power before. During the few months I was pretending to be a traitor, Kenny was hogging the Danger Deck and other training facilities at our secret base to pull ahead. He was in the lead beforehand and it increased quite a bit during those few months.
Speaking of, the blond uses his Netherborn clothes beam to change his outfit into nothing but a speedo which instantly gets complaints from most of the others. Clyde on the other hand is jealous as hell and asks if Kenny can use his powers to change his outfit as well.
Kenny gives Clyde a nod and transforms his regular outfit into that of a bunny maid which causes the rest of us to instantly roar out in laughter, even Craig. Clyde is of course mortified and starts chasing Kenny while I'm trying to not laugh to death since according to Kenny, it's not a funny way to go.
(A/N: Yes, Kenny actually laughed himself to death once. Season 5's "Scott Tenorman Must Die")
Having nobody else around has its perks like being able to use your powers without strangers flipping the fuck out and questioning their sanity. There are no problems using them in South Park but we aren't in South Park right now (the town, not the reality itself). I fired blasts into the water to create giant waves for people to surf on, bone hands and chains to do limbo with, and other stuff like that. All in all, it was a pretty nice trip. I headed over to Buca De Faggoncini a bit after I got back since Kenny wanted to go earlier but I didn't see him anywhere.
I did see Heidi Turner though who looked like she was here for a date. She was wearing a black strapless dress, the brand of which is embedded into my skull thanks to my previous partnership with Bebe and she's got some makeup on too. I guess Eric isn't the only guy she goes out with here.
"Oh, hey Dovahkiin!" Heidi waves and heads over to me.
"Hey Heidi. Why are you here?" She gives a confused look at this and my phone suddenly vibrates. Oh, it's a text from Kenny.
NetherBros:
NetherBadass: Reds still with Kevin right now so I did the next best thing and helped you both get back in the market and solve a S20 problem
NetherBadass: Have fun Dovah! Thank me later 😁
NetherBadass: :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):P:)
"I don't know how but I'm going to kill that immortal son of a bitch for good!" I mutter under my breath as Heidi is staring at me from two feet away.
He cannot be serious right now. I specifically told him that I didn't want to date or get a girlfriend here. Leslie was an unexpected exception that I was forced into getting involved with. It's a plan I made that I'll always regret.
Timmy telepathically laughing in my head right now doesn't make things better.
I'm not going to bother with the dopey, awkward, anime protagonist-esc misunderstanding shtick and just be honest with her.
"*sigh* I'll be blunt. I had no idea this was happening. I was expecting to meet up with Kenny here but he clearly set this up to help me get over Leslie. We can still go if you want since you probably spent lots of time getting ready and I don't mean to sound like a dick or anything but I want to be clear that I'm not interested in dating anybody right now."
I suddenly get another text on my phone. It's from Kenny again and it's a frowny face.
"I know you're here, McCormick! I swear to Freeman, when I get back home, your search history is getting posted on my social media accounts for the world to see!" A blue beam of light suddenly appears a hundred feet away and makes a beeline for my house to probably delete its search history.
"Why did you tell him what you were gonna do?"
"Who says I was gonna do that? That was just a misdirection. I'm gonna burn his hentai collection when I get back." Heidi giggles at this and we end up going in as acquaintances, nothing more. I wouldn't even call us friends since I basically spent zero time with any girls except Leslie.
I was forced to be on Clyde's team during day 3 of SOT and never really talked to the girls after that since I had no reason to. I'm a member of Team Craig, not Sunshine Sparkle whatever.
"You know, most of the girls have been talking about you a lot ever since you moved here. You're like one of those edgy bad boy vigilantes everyone thinks is the coolest thing ever!"
"I am? I don't even do vigilantism. 90% of the time my powers are used are for sheer convenience in my daily life."
Funny story, Kenny actually brought up the idea of doing vigilante stuff now that the ads were gone. He would go as Mysterion and also made some concept art for a costume I could go around in myself. For those of you who have played Splatoon, it's pretty much male Agent 3's outfit from Splatoon 2 with a slightly different color palette.
According to him, "You've never given a shit about hiding your powers so no need to add a mask or anything like that."
I ended up turning his offer down since I see that stuff as a total waste of our time. Team Stan can handle whatever problems happen like they always do. Kenny and I would just be wasting time patrolling the town, we have our own training to do for the giant threats coming in the future. Besides, going around as vigilantes would just get the other boys to do the same and I don't want Fractured but Whole starting early and the butterfly effect fucking me over.
"Didn't you destroy, like, an entire fleet of helicopters from the government a few years ago when you first moved here? Plus, you saved everyone from the ads. Sorry about Leslie by the way."
"It's fine and the latter was a team effort. I mostly just do my own thing while saving the world every now and then." Never thought I'd be talking about saving the world like it's a mild inconvenience but that's South Park for you.
"Well, me and the other girls have a ton of questions for you. We even made a list about it! Oh, you don't have to answer them if you don't want to. We're just curious. You're like the new Mysterion in South Park."
"I guess I can answer a few but nothing too personal and I have a few questions about the girls I want answers for in exchange."
"Deal." That's how our two-way q/a started. Heidi wanted to know stuff like what powers I have now, what the deal with the ads was, if the law gives me any trouble, why I did certain things, stuff like that.
"How are you so popular on social media?"
"DNA."
"How did you get so many superpowers?"
"Let me put it this way. When I see a magic, mythical, chosen one's sword embedded in a rock, I don't try pulling it out. I chip away the rock around the thing and am long gone with it by the time anyone notices."
"What's it like saving the world with Kenny?"
"He can be a perverted retard at times but fuck, is he a good hero. You know all the shit he did as Mysterion, right?"
"Yeah. He was the town's big thing for ages."
"Exactly."
"What's it like working with Timmy?"
"Privacy doesn't exist when he's around. Also, one time when he was mad at me, I asked him to get me a cup of water after I finished training. He brought me a glass full of ice and told me to wait. I didn't have any energy left to melt them and he knew that."
"Is it true that Eric Cartman fears you?"
"Well, I scared the everloving shit out of him back when I first moved here. He hasn't tried manipulating me at all since then and barely talks let alone insults me so I would assume so."
"How did you do it?"
"You don't want to know. I suggest going to Kyle for tips on that. Last I checked, throwing dreidels or as Cartman calls them, "Jewish buttplugs" at him should scare him off. That or paper airplanes made from copies of the Torah."
I answered her questions to a reasonable degree while not spilling anything about my isekai or secrets with Kenny and Timmy such as our base. I denied answering things like if I have any new crushes or exactly how I got my powers.
I never imagined I would have my own fan club which was pretty stupid considering my social media powers (I still have idiots breaking in my house every once in a while, looking to take selfies with me) but a lot of the kids here seem to be pretty big fans of me.
I'm just glad they're mostly keeping their space. Maybe it's because I'm with Team Craig or maybe they're just intimidated by the superpowers but I'm not complaining. My goal here isn't to get popular, it's to change the future for the better, get as powerful as I can, and have a nice, mostly stress free life in this crazy ass world I'm stuck living in thanks to a divine taco shop owner.
I in turn asked Heidi a few things I was wondering about the girls. Apparently, Bebe has been bragging about being my business partner to this day despite that fashion partnership ending over a year ago. The girls were also scared shitless when Bebe and Wendy were forced to be together during the whole yaoi/yuri incident since they all feared they would be next on the chopping block.
The girls were recruited to join the army back in Stick of Truth by Kenny and Stan. A combination of Stan begging his girlfriend and Kenny's 'charms' didn't work in the end and they were forced to go through a similar process New Kid did in canon.
Kenny was the one to pose as Bebe's girlfriend since Wendy looked like she was ready to murder the entire meeting hall when Stan was suggested to go. They then beat up the thug boyfriend guy and had to go get the documents in the abortion clinic.
Kenny pretty much did what I planned to do at the clinic and just busted through the roof, grabbed the documents, and left and when the girls asked him to translate them, he said and I quote:
"You know google translate is a thing, right? Come on girls, I'm roleplaying as a damsel in distress here and even I'm not that lazy." The look on the girl's faces was priceless according to him which I believe wholeheartedly.
I guess the unexpected outing wasn't too bad besides the sudden interruption via Cupid Cartman who tried shooting a couple arrows at Heidi and I. I caught them all and glared daggers at the midget devil.
Not a fucking second time you fat son of a bitch.
"Teeheehee, so we find ourselves in a standoff once again, Dovahkiin. But this time, I have come prepared... BUTTPLUGS! Even you can't surpass its greatness! It's making my ass stiff as shit though." Alas, even the mythical buttplugs couldn't stop Cupid Cartman from getting his tiny ass kicked into next year.
"Was that a tiny cupid version of Eric Cartman?"
"Yup, and he's not even the weirdest stalker I have."
"Eyaaaap"
I still burnt Kenny's hentai collection when I got home. I then reversed time and burnt it all over again, much to his dismay.