I'm woken up after a whopping 2 hours of sleep by my mother who says there are some kids outside looking for me. Oh right, the plot. Wait, why would Cartman be here? Didn't I betray him and kick his ass yesterday?
I head on down to see three drow elves in my living room.
"Greetings, commander. The elf king has requested us to deliver you a new outfit and summon you back to his kingdom at once."
'Oh cool, he made me commander this early on? I probably have Jimmy to thank for that. Did Clyde steal the stick from the elves last night? He seemed to hate the elves as much as the humans in canon and that likely hasn't changed much now.'
I take a look at the outfit Kyle sent me and it appears to be similar in design to the Woodsman set minus the cap. I then check the news only to see the same report shown in canon and then head over to Kyle's house where he's waiting for me.
Kenny texts me as I'm walking over with the elves.
ChosenOnes:
NetherBadass: you remember?
TimeChild: what part? you dying or me forgetting a retarded plot hole?
NetherBadass: Yes.
TimeChild: yeah sorry about that
NetherBadass: it's fine hopeful all the time at least you made it out
NetherBadass: *happens fuck auto correct
TimeChild: Barely. almost dying sucks
NetherBadass: you call it a near death experience, I call it a vibe check from god
I laugh a little and when one of the elves asks who I'm texting, I just tell him it's a friend from where I used to live talking about a game we played last night.
As I suspected, the stick was stolen last night and Kyle believes it was Cartman's fault which I can understand since that is totally something Cartman would do. He eventually asks me if I can go recruit the goths for the elves but I have quite a few other things to do today so I tell Kyle that I was planning on helping Jimmy get a new flute and subtly hinting at the elf king that his super best friend would be a better person to do this since he used to be a goth himself.
(A/N: Season 7 Episode 14, "Raisins")
There are plenty of little tricks I could have applied here to speed through the goth's recruitment but why bother doing those when I can skip that quest line entirely? I'm not limited by the game's choices here, it's why I was able to join the drow elves so soon and use an early episode plot to my advantage.
Stan makes the argument that he can't do it without his phone so I agree to help him get it back if he deals with the goths. We head on over to Stan's house and confront his big sister. I assumed that with my powers, she would be easily dealt with. I was wrong. No wonder the boys think she's even more terrifying than sixth graders. We get the phone in exchange for some bruises, noogies, and a black eye/broken nose combo for Stan but I'm able to heal us with dire shroud afterwards.
Stan tried summoning Sparky during the fight but the second the dog saw Shelly, he bolted which got a few snickers out of me but I kinda wish the dog didn't literally run with his tail between his legs since Shelly hits like a truck.
We then part ways but not before I give Stan an extra assignment.
"When you go and recruit the goths, give them this and tell them to show it to anyone on Cartman's team that asks for their help." I hand the slip of paper to him and he reads it.
"...It just says "Dear Cartman," and it's a picture of a butt."
"Yeah, what's your point?"
"...Never mind."
I head over to the farm with Jimmy to get his flute, which goes well since several of my attacks are long ranged with good AOE so we didn't have to go near the kamikaze nazi zombie cows. Try saying that five times fast.
Stan will probably need my help investigating the government base if he has to do the same quests as the New Kid did in canon but besides that and the attack on the school, I have the rest of the day to myself and oh boy do I have a lot to do.
First up, I head over to Tweek's Coffee to get some much needed caffeine in me. I try not to order too much though as I know what else goes into their brew. I literally beat up meth heads yesterday to get it.
I then head over to one of the flags or stations for the Timmy express to get my second partner in crime. Kenny suggested I get Timmy on board since he's basically the Professor Xavier of South Park and can help out a lot with the behind the scenes work I plan on doing. After getting Timmy to go to the junkyard I brought Kenny to, I have a similar conversation with him where I learn that he does in fact have telepathic powers like in Fractured but Whole.
Kenny wasn't aware of anyone besides him and Butters having any sort of powers (excluding Cartman's swear chip) but that doesn't mean they aren't present here at all. I suspected that Jimmy and Timmy actually have their powers here since Timmy is shown teleporting and brainwashing people in TFBW and Jimmy is shown using his superspeed in the season 21 episode, Franchise Prequel.
I could feel Timmy prodding around my mind during my explanation to see if I was telling the truth, which I was, so he agreed to help Kenny and I out, which I'm thankful for. It's also really weird having someone talk to you telepathically. It's literally a foreign, uncontrollable voice in your head but you get used to it after a while.
After I'm done recruiting Timmy, I go to City Wok to get Lu Kim's Mongolian Beef quest. After seeing Kenny's display on the ship yesterday, I realized how important it is to train my actual fighting skills which I have practically none of, so I decided to try and conquer the tower of peace using as few of my OP Netherborn and time fart abilities as possible.
This takes quite a while as the Mongolian kids are pretty good fighters and I have to keep retreating to heal up using dire shrouds but overtime, I start to get better at physical combat.
From blocking to parrying to ricocheting to various attacks and everything in between, I use the Mongolians as training dummies to sharpen my skills as much as possible and get some pretty good results.
Seems like I inherited New Kids talent at adapting. It's not unfair plot armor but it's way better than nothing. I make my way to the top and decide to just use Nagasaki to knock the Mongolian adults and their horses off the top of the tower before they drench me in their sweet and sticky soy sauce.
I defeat any kids I see on the way down and get Lu Kim's summoning item though I don't know if he will be able to one shot regular enemies like in the game. Whatever, it's better than not having it. I then leave and continue to ignore Al Gore since ManBearPig isn't making any appearances until season 22 and I also have way more important things to do right now so sorry Gore, but you'll have to find someone else to annoy.
I then get a text from Stan asking for some help in breaking into the Taco Bell construction site (aka: not so secret government base). I meet up with Jimmy on the way there and we meet up with Stan who is currently in his Raven persona.
"Hey Stan. You bro-br-broke up with Wendy again?"
"Very funny. I was trying to get the goths to join us but then I had to go to Tweek's Coffee where I got ambushed by humans and then the PTA and then they along with my dad made me go out and do stuff and I feel like I'm only getting farther away from getting them to join us now and..."
I take a look around while Stan goes on his rant. There are two guards in front like in the game. I summon bone hands to knock them out and head on in with Jimmy and Stan who's still ranting about useless fetch quests. Believe me Stan, I know the feeling. 100% completion runs are a bitch.
Jimmy summons some rats to take out the final soldier and I then summon some bone hands to lift us up to the roof. This ability alone pretty much makes the anal probe obsolete which I am very thankful for as I do not want to deal with that particular installment and usage method. Getting that power just isn't worth it in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I know I need to get as strong as possible right now but some powers just aren't worth pursuing.
As we cross the roof, we all hear a big, fat scream of rage coming from across town.
"W-W-What was that?"
"Looks like Cartman found the note." Yeah, I figured he would try getting the goths like in canon. I couldn't resist.
"N-Note?"
"Don't worry about it."
ChosenOnes:
NetherBadass: brooooooo, Cartman is PISSED! was the note you?
TimeChild: idunno is the sky blue? Is trolling fatass funny?
NetherBadass: it is unless im tripping balls rn and absolutely
TimeChild: stay away from the cat piss
NetherBadass: you're not my mom
TimeChild: bitch i will not hesitate to guilt trip you through Karen
NetherBadass: 🫠
Stan, Jimmy, and I open the blinds in the meeting room as we listen in on Big Bad Government Guy's evil government monologue with the former two being pretty shocked since this is their first time hearing it.
We then wait for the agents to leave and grab the recording device while taking a look around. I would rather have the Nazi Zombies and government guys deal with each other instead of dealing with both so I chat for a while with the ranger and bard.
They tell me how this kind of thing is actually pretty normal which I pretend to be surprised at and they tell me a few more basic facts about the town which of course I already know but I can't exactly tell them that, now can I? After a few minutes of waiting, we clear out the remaining zombies and I get my hands on some child sized swat armor you can get in game from a few of the dead guards.
Why they have child sized swat armor here is beyond me but I'm not complaining.
I decided to put it on under my costume and switch the gloves I'm currently wearing for the SWAT Tactical Gloves as my Netherborn clothes beam can't make protective armor like that and it may save me when I'm in a pinch. I offer the headgear to Stan and Jimmy but they refuse since it wouldn't look good with their cosplay.
We then split up with Stan going to the PTA and Jimmy and I heading up to Canada for some more training. I fought the Mongolians to increase my combat prowess and now I'm going to fight the various dire animals in Canada to practice using my superpowers.
I asked Jimmy if he wanted to come since he can practice his taming skills on the animals while I fight them and he was up for it. We don't bother getting passports and I simply knock out the Canadian border guard before he can say "Buddy".
'Onward to Canada! Whoopty Doo.'