I have to fight tears as I run out of the tavern. The beer that I looked forward to enjoying long forgotten as my heart squeezed in my chest. I can't believe that I was starting to be so foolish and to actually trust him. I know that I shouldn't be surprised because this is what happens every time. People always say and act one way to your face only to let their true colors be revealed.
First my parents, and then my boyfriend. I haven't been able to trust anyone in years due to being in that stupid prison. Every day was just to survive to the next one. I feel like he lied to me. He said that I was his and I just wanted to badly to belong to someone. As I have the thought I realize that I never truly have.
When I walk outside and the sun hits my face, it doesn't feel the same as it did earlier. The tears that have started to leak on my cheeks feel cold in the breeze. My vision is blurred as I head in a random direction away from the noise. When I am in the quiet of the trees a loud sob leaves my chest from the unfairness of it all. Why can't anyone just love me for me?
As I fight for breath through my tears, memories of that last day with my parents fly through my head. I can so clearly remember the words that were screamed in the fight that morning. How I questioned them about what my mother's maid said. As the words pass through my mind tears spring anew.
"I know why you feel so ashamed of her. In your station she isn't the daughter that I would have wished for. I have no idea how you have the patience to deal with her tantrums still. Maybe it would be a good idea that you cut her off" the maid had said.
I had watched from the doorway as my mother and father just nodded along with what she said. No one came to my defense and gave her a reason to my actions. I grew so angry in that moment because they had put it all on me. They were so content to do it like they had never done anything wrong. When they just agreed I found out that they believed that I was the problem.
"Cutting her off seems a bit drastic. What would she do if she didn't have any money? Lord knows that the child isn't good at anything. She has no talents or ideas of her own" my dad replied as he turned another page in his newspaper.
It was at that moment that I had heard enough. I walked into the room and their conversation halted. They honestly all looked at me as if I had no right to enter the room and hear their conversation.
"You say these things when none of you can ever be truly honest with each other. Since none of you want to take the initiative I might as well. The only reason your maid wants me gone mother is because her and father are sleeping with each other" I state as I hold the maids gaze. My mother gasps as it is the most horrendous things she has ever heard. I even still had the nerve to look apologetic as I saw the tears on her face while my father turned red and sputtered.
"She also wants me gone so that she can continue to see your jewelry at his behest. She has been slowly adding to her collection all these years" I state. My father rises from his chair in anger as he gets in my face. When I refuse to back down from his angry gaze he slapped me across the cheek. It was the final blow for me literally.
"Well, since I am now physically abused here I will be taking my leave. However, mother you should know that you aren't innocent in all this. I have heard you tell the maids how you only had me to keep father. I have felt the detachment when we spend personal time together. I have missed out on all the affection in the last nineteen years of my life. Did you know that not once have either of you ever said, 'I love you'? I was always just a child that neither of you wanted. Goodbye Mr. and Mrs. Heather" I said.
By the end of my precious speech I couldn't even look at them anymore. When I turned to leave no one said anything to me. In my room I gathered the few essential items I would need. I packed my own bag. I place all the cards they had given me on the unmade duvet. No one stopped me and no one said anything. At the end of the driveway I called my boyfriend and he came to get me. It was a Sunday morning that I would never forget.
A tap on my shoulder pulls me out of my memories. The anger from that day is still fresh in my mind as I turn to face Xander. "I am more than just a prisoner. I made mistakes in my life but they got me to where I am. After it all I am still standing and I deserve better than for someone who doesn't know me to be ashamed because of a title I hold" I scream at him as I wipe my tears.
"Little flower, we are not ashamed of you. You just took our reaction wrong" Xander says in a voice that is deeper than normal. I squint through the last of my blurry vision and realize that his golden human eyes aren't apparent. His eyes are now slitted and the color runs like a golden river. I find them confusing but it doesn't stop my tirade.
"I took nothing wrong. I felt how your body stiffened when he wanted to know where I was from. I saw the panicked look on your face when you couldn't answer." I yell as I step closer.
"I was the one that told him not to answer. I feared that you would not like it if we were the ones to tell about your past. I assumed that it was your right to share, not mine. We feared the reaction that you are having right now" he states as he raises his arms.
I stare at him in complete confusion. As I do his arms drop back to his sides and he sighs. "We do not know how to do this. My human has brought me forward because he feels that he only continues to mess up. The pain that I feel at seeing your tears is so much worse than your anger" he says as he rubs the area over his heart with a pained grimace. "it is ten times worse when he has promised that we would not touch you. I would like nothing more than to provide you with the comfort of my arms, little flower" he says almost begging.
"Wait, you are not Xander?" I ask. A part of me already knows the answer, however.
"No, I am his dragon. I am separate from Xander but still attached. You will belong to both of us" he says as he watches me. His hand is still rubbing his chest as he starts to circle me.
The motion of his walking kind of feels like he is keeping me trapped. I have no idea why but it almost makes me want to run. As he circles me his steps get closer and closer to me. "What is your name?" I ask him.
"Well that depends, mate?" he says with a chuckle.
"Would you stope circling me. It's started to make me feel trapped." I state with a frustrated sigh. His feet stop immediately and he folds his arms across his chest. The fingertips on one of hands continues to apply pressure to the area over his heart. "What does your name depend on and why do you keep doing that"? I ask him as I nod at his hand.
"I can still feel your pain. I see that you are asking me questions to try to distract yourself from it. I like talking to you since you will not accept my touch so I am happy to oblige" he says cocking his head at me. "to answer your second question, the simple answer would be that you have not given me one" he says as his points a finger at me. His other hand still has not moved from his chest and I find it so distracting to the conversation.
Walking forward I watch as he stiffens. With a small smile on my face I grab the hand that is rubbing his chest and I pull it away. I hold his gaze as I do it and he doesn't even blink as he stares into mine. "I will be fine. I have grown quite used to this pain." I tell him gently.
"My mate should not know this pain. I wish you to know love like I do. I wish to give you everything that you ever desired. It hurts us that we have caused you this pain. I take the feeling gratefully if it means that you do not feel it as much" he says as he grasp my hand tighter.
When he returns my hands embrace the tingles get stronger. I look down at our hands and don't see much of a difference besides our colors. I wonder what this strange reaction is that I have to his touch. I do believe that I am growing to like it.
"It is a physical manifestation of the bond. If your scent did not appeal to me so much already, I would still be unable to deny your touch. It feels like home to me" he says as he tugs me forward slightly. His head leans closer to me as I watch him inhale. When he does it is in an odd rhythm. He takes two breaths in and one long inhale out. I should find the action offensive but as I watch what it does to him, I don't.
The creases around his eyes relax and so do his furrowed eyebrows. His plump lips slightly part and his shoulder also relax. Curiously, I lean forward and take in more of his scent. My eyes close as the world quiets around me. His scent is woodsy but it has an edge to it. I can almost see the picture in my mind of a creek running through a forest. The lumber that has been cut is scent freshly in the air. Its magnificent.
When I open my eyes he is watching me as he bites into his lower lip. The teeth that sink into look almost sharpened to a point. The color of his eyes swirl faster and his chest moves faster. When his gaze flickers down to my lips I realize how close we are now standing. However, I can't keep my feet to cooperate and move. I don't feel as if I want to either. I want his kiss.