Chapter 23:
"We're pretty vanilla"
Eloise-Anne
I must admit that after the beach day, I've been very lost in my own thoughts. Luke always has his criticism of me, that's nothing new. Even about the relationship I'm in, even that's normal. But the fact that Tammy also started about it, did make me question things. I don't even know what they meant by vanilla. Vanilla is just a flavor, right?
Besides that, all the guys, apart from my brother, looked very good. They looked like they actually had fun and I'm happy Michael is bonding with guys for once. I can remember when he was younger he didn't get quite accepted for who he was. I was always there for him and I will always be. People didn't accept him, because according to them, Michael was too different.
Those dumb fuckers.
Michael has never been different. He has always been special and people are just dickheads to not see it, to not appreciate it. I'm happy Tammy and the guys can see it.
"El, are you okay?" I look up to see Michael. "You were a little zoned out there." I shrug my shoulders. He sits down next to me on my bed and looks at me, ordering me to tell him what's bothering me.
"Just questioning things with Ashton," I mumble. "He's very sweet and caring and-"
"You miss a bit of spark, don't you?"
"I think so," I sigh. "I love Ash, but how do I know what I truly want if he's the first person I've been with? I've also talked about it with Tammy and I just, I don't know what to do, Mike." I seem hopeless for an answer, desperate even. I really don't know if it is what I'm missing, but even Michael is saying it right now. I groan and let myself fall back on my bed.
"El, this shouldn't be as complicated as you make it seem." He says. "Are you still happy with him?" I nod. "Do you still love him?"
"Of course I do," I say, almost offended by the question. "It's just - I don't miss anything, but everybody is pointing out that I'm missing something." Michael hums in response, also a bit lost for words on what to tell me. "I wonder if Ashton misses something."
"He is not," Michael tells me. "Yeah, he's been ranting about you a lot, how amazing you are." I chuckle and sit back up again. "You really got that man head over heels for you."
"I really don't know why he is though."
"Eloise, you know that damn well and I won't be explaining it to you," Michael says. "Don't let this get to your head so badly." He lays down on my bed and grabs my laptop. He opens his arm and I crawl in it immediately. "Let's just watch Stranger Things, we haven't done that since the fourth season aired. I really need to catch up."
"Yeah, I need this." I smile at him and feel his hand running through my hair. The series starts playing on the screen and my gaze follows everything that happens on the screen.
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"El, can you bring this to table four? They've been waiting for ages." I grab the plate full of drinks and serve it to table four while I apologize for their long wait. It suddenly is crazy busy and I don't know why. This was a very calm spot and no one quite knew it existed, until now. I walk back to the counter and notice the long queue. I tie my hair up and Tamara instantly gives me a nudge, telling me not to do it.
I walk up to the other cash register and take their orders. After the queue is finally gone, Tamara and I both start making drinks. Felicity walks up to us and hands everybody their drinks.
"Why can't I put my hair up?" I ask Tamara while blending an iced coffee.
"You have a big ass hickey." She laughs at me. "It's not just a hickey, it's more like an inflamed vampire bite."
"Yeah, I told Ashton to not do it in visible places, but sometimes he finds listening quite hard." I chuckle. I write a name on the plastic cup and place it on the end of the counter. After a solid ten minutes, we made all the drinks and it was getting less crowded.
"How long have you guys been together again?"
"Three months," I tell her. Eden comes to stand with us as well. "Why are you asking?"
"Nothing, just curious." She chuckles. I make myself an iced coffee and take a sip when it's done. "Is he as good in bed as everyone says he is?" I furrow my brows at her words. "What? I hear that he used to fuck every soul on campus, such as Luke right now."
"He, we, we're still working on it." I feel my cheeks flush. Eden chuckles about my change of behavior and walks to the back. Another person walks towards the counter, ready to order. "Hey, what can I get you?" I ask. "Ew, it's you fuck off," I say, throwing a napkin at the blonde dude.
"Hello, Eloise-Anne."
"Molted toilet seat," I call him.
"Can I get a black coffee to go?" I roll my eyes and make the coffee. He grabs his card to pay and pays for the disgusting piece of shit. Why would you drink black coffee when there are so many things to make the coffee better? "Has Ash told you about the competition?" He asks me.
"Competition?"
"You know the song we wrote together, right?" I nod. "The person with the best song gets to record it. It also gets mixed and produced."
"That's great," I smile at him. "But if I were you I should go, you don't wanna be seen with me." He rolls his eyes. "Are you telling me, you wanna be seen with me, Hemmings?"
"Bye, Eloise-Anne." He says, grabbing his coffee. He walks out of the tiny cafe and Eden walks up to me immediately.
"What was that, girl? I thought you and Ash were a thing, yet there's more tension between the two of you." I furrow my brows when I turn to look at her. There's no tension between Luke and me, and if there is, it's most likely to be hateful. Ashton and I do have tension, right? I don't even know what I should see in the name of tension. "Are you thinking about him right now?" She chuckles, waking me up from my own thoughts.
"No, we're just- I don't even know what we are."
"You had sex with him?" I look at her, almost disgusted.
"Hell no," she raises her brows at my firm answer. "I am happy with my current boyfriend, there's no need for him to fuck it up."
He already did.
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As I'm finally back home, Michael is laying on the couch, with the blonde-haired girl in his arms. I smile weakly at them. I just hoped to be alone with Michael this evening, but I suppose I'm gonna be alone. I don't feel like socializing, so I won't. They haven't even heard me come in.
"You could say hi," Michael says I'm taking my first step up the stairs. His eyes are still locked on the television. He did hear me.
"Hi," I say as I continue to walk upstairs. I close the door behind my back and let myself fall on my bed. I sigh relieved. Finally some alone time, no one to intrude on my thoughts but me. I really do need some time to think. Ashton and I have been very happy and nothing but happy. I should be glad that we're on such good terms right? I should be happy that we could talk about literally anything. I can also do that with Michael and I really appreciate that.
Doesn't that mean that Ashton is more of a best friend to me? Yes, we do feel desire for one another, but that shouldn't matter right? I have never looked at Michael in a romantic way so comparing them is useless. I turn around on my bed, laying on my stomach as I scroll through social media.
Maybe I shouldn't be overthinking this whole situation though, there's no way that anyone could make me feel the way, Ashton makes me feel. I smile softly and grab my phone, opening the chat with him. He hasn't sent me anything, since before my shift at work.
To: Ashton
Hey, I'm finally home. I'm not feeling so well, would you mind coming over?
From: Ashton
On my way.
I grab my laptop and scroll through YouTube, finding myself some comfortable videos. After I've found one, I put it on and lay down on the bed more comfortably. When the video is over, I hear a knock on the door. I hum in response and Ashton's face appears between the door immediately, smiling slightly.
"Sorry, it took me so long. I also brought an extra sweater and your favorite snacks." He says, handing me the two things. I smile at him and lean on my toes to kiss his lips. I take off my long-sleeved shirt and put the sweater on. "D'you wanna talk or just cuddle?" He asks me.
"Cuddle," I answer him. How badly I wanna talk, I just don't know where it's all coming from and it's driving me insane. I should be discussing this with Ashton, since he's the man in question, making me so insecure right now. Well, it's me making myself insecure, but the man is fine. "Do you think we're boring?" I ask him, blurting the thought out.
"What?" He asks me, clearly confused.
"I hear people say that we're boring. They mentioned vanilla, I don't know what they mean, but they said it if it were a bad thing." I sigh and hold him tighter. "But it's not just one person, so I'm doubting if they're right."
"We're pretty vanilla," he says, raking his hand through my hair. "But that isn't such a bad thing, I care for you a lot. I just wanna take things easy with you." I smile weakly. What does that even mean? "You don't have to question yourself or us." I simply nod, but I can't help but question things. Ashton does make me feel happy, but is there really a future with him? I feel like this is more of a teen romance in which I'm experiencing my first time and after that, it's done. As if it's the excitement that's holding me onto him. "I love you, El."
"Yeah, I know."
That was the exact moment I knew. I knew I wasn't in love with him anymore, but I was in love with the idea of him. With the idea of having someone loving and caring for me. I love the attention that I'm getting, but it's wrong. I have to find my way back to love him because I know that wasn't made up. I'm sure I have feelings for him - it couldn't have been excitement, right? Excitement can't be that strong. Ashton has always been here for me when I needed him. I can't possibly do this to him.
I don't want to break him. I can't possibly do that.
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Oh no, and y'all thought the worst drama had happened already, huh? I don't think so. Things with Luke will heat up heheh. Although, I do feel a little sad for Ash.
Also, make sure to check out my newest fanfiction of our favorite boy Luke. It's called gentle. It would mean the world if you checked it out.
Hope you liked it.
Loads of love x