*part 2 of you being recruited into the death eaters as a ruse. you and snape bond. a lot*
**
you changed a lot. a whole lot. you stopped talking as much as you did, and became much more quiet and reserved, and less going out. it was a whole change.
you somehow found yourself in so many parties, sitting somewhere and drinking by yourself, staring off into the abiss. and youd be sitting there for a while, staring off, until you fell asleep right at that spot, even on that rooftop party where you fell asleep at the edge of the castle, feet hanging down the castle and leaning on a post.
you woke up there with a gasp and almost falling forward, but moved back and fell on your back, gasping and breathing hard.
when you finally opened your eyes, to your surprise, professor snape was on the rooftop as well.
you saw him, eyes blurry still from all that you drank, and honestly you still felt drunk, and he was running over to you.
he fell to his knees before you and pulled you away from the edge, and helped you sit up.
"look at me {Y/N}" he started with checking on you, looking for any bruises, but he stopped when he realised you were safe and uninjured, but still drunk.
he helped you up and lectured you all the way down till he got you to your dorm room, shoved you in your bed and left you there to sleep with water and pieces of lemon by your bed.
he was angry with you, but he also felt so... bad for you. he knew what you were doing.
you were escaping your life, escaping the secret in your head that would ruin your whole life.
it was so fast, the entire decision to change your whole life and become a death eater, so fast. you regretted it. it was too much. but now, you had to live with it.
you had to live with that mark on your arm, always covering it and always hiding it, and when you could, youd destroy your arm as much as you could.
snape saw the cuts on the mark on one of the meetings. cuts all around the ominous tattoo, and nail markings, as well as one staple stapled into your arm.
his heart scrunched.
after that meeting, when you both returned to hogwarts, and when you sat in his room, he cleaned your arm carefully for you, and healed it.
it was a new routine for you two. after every meeting, when youd return from it back to hogwarts, youd go together to his quarters.
he knew it was very hard for you, and he just wanted to give you some company. make sure you stay in his life.
youd usualy sit under his windowsill and look outside, beside you a cup of hot tea that he made you.
hed usualy sit on his sofa and read, ocassionaly looking over to you, looking up at the moon and drinking your tea.
you never slept there. always would get up, thank him dearly and leave back to your dorm towards the morning.
he didnt mind.
one night, when you returned from a meeting, tired and exhausted, snape stood in the kitchen and made two cups of tea while you went to sit under the window seal.
with the two cups, he walks back to his sitting area and hands you over your cup, then goes and sits on the sofa himself.
he sips. he opens his book. he looks at you.
nothing seems very much out of the ordinary, but something was off. something weird.
after some time, snape raised his eyes from his boon after he heard shuffling, and found you on the floor, right by his feet, looking up at him.
"can i lay down on the sofa?" you asked, voice gentle and small.
his eyes twutched, confused, and feeling something is wrong seeing you like this, on the floor, by his feet, staring up at him like this.
"of course you can" he said with his deep voice, and he watched as you scrammbled to the sofa and laid down, your head on his lap with your hair covering his thighs.
you curled up and sighed.
he was a bit confused, but he didnt say anything. it didnt feel wrong. it felt right. comfortable. warm.
he accioed a blanket, and as gently as he could he covered you up. then, went back to his book.
he did hear your faint thank you.
he looked at you from under his book every once in a while, seeing you still looking out the window, illuminated by the moon, cheeks reds and eyes raw.
he didnt even realise when he started doing it, but his arm moved on its own at its own pace, and he couldnt stop it even if he knew what he was doing, but he was soon petting your head, gently massaging his fingers into your temples and gently on your scalp and soft hair.
he saw you close your eyes when he did that, and a faint smile suddenly grew on your lips. so he kept doing it, slowly, gently, stroking your hair.
your smile was faint, but present.
at some point, he absolutly ignored the book he held and was just looking down at you, as your breath slowly evened out and your eyes fell into relaxation and sleepyness, and in all honesty, he had... noticed... how your black button up wasnt buttoned up properly, exposing a part of your breasts to him by the way you laid. he ignored it, returning to looking at your face.
after a while, he had fallen asleep too, his hand still on your head and his head slouched down.
you stayed sleeping like that for the whole night, on each other, on his sofa.
**
one day, you werent in hogwarts. dumbledore has let you leave to your house at london for a few days, as you were feeling drained and depressed from your recent accurances. he understood, so he let you go.
at home, your father also noticed how depressed you were.
at night, while sitting with your father and remus in the sitting room, you started crying, breaking down without words. you couldnt say anything, but soon enough, you pulled back your sleeve.
your father choked and remus coughed as they were presented with the dark mark on your arm, but it was veey distraught with cuts and purple bruises on it.
didnt stop it from being a dark mark, on your arm, snake moving and ominous.
that night, the three of you spent crying and falling asleep in the arms of your father, which you hadnt done in a while.
when he saw the tattoo, sirius was so mad he allowed you to do it. it broke his heart down to pieces.
even though you sobbed uncontrollably, he knew that you were still full with your decision. this is what you wanted to do to help and contribute back.
**
the next morning, when you were about to leave, your father was still asleep, so you walked out of the house and to the place where you have agreed upon with snape, who was picking you up.
snape apparated to the spot before you even arrived, and hugged you as you walked into his arms. then, he apparated the both of you back to the castle.
"i hope you remember we are busy tonight?" he asks lowly as you walk the corridors of the school. you nod.
he stops for a moment and sighs.
"dont be afraid {Y/N}, im here with you" he says, putting his hand on your shoulder.
you hug him, and quickly run away into your dorm.
you didnt leave for classes that day, claiming to be sick.
at the end of the day, when everyone were back in their dorms for sleep, you awoke from your sleepless day, and got dressed slowly, agonizingly putting on a black dress and hiding tear streaks from your face.
you leave your dorm straight through the front door, and walk your way down to the dungeons. as you get to the dungeon, severuss door opens, and the man walks out of his dorm in a quick pace.
he stops before you.
"good to see you {Y/N}" he says lowly, "good news for you. the meeting today has been canceled" he says, and your head snaps up to look at him.
"canceled?" you ask, confused, but a little tiny bit of emotion sparked up your face.
"yes, the messege was clear as day. canceled. free tonight" he says, nodding.
"oh... thats great..." you sigh, a small smile breaks into your face as you look down at your boot covered feet. "good night, i suppose, but i dont think ill be able to sleep..." you murmur the last part, and turn around slowly, letting out sigh after sigh of happiness.
"well, {Y/N}, i suppose... if you wont be able to sleep tonight... we can go out for a little walk" he offers through the corridor.
your feet halt.
"you think so?" you ask in a hush, turning around slowly, and severus is amazed, the smile he sees on your face is so sweet and cute, the first innocent thing he sees of you for a long time.
"come with me" he offers his hand forward, and watchs as you walk over to him and put your hand in his, and without warning, aparates.
you land in hogsmeade, but everything is rather dark, with only the dim street lights hanging, and a single pub thats open, loud chatter and lights pouring out of its windows and open door.
before severus can think about taking your hand, you go ahead and do just that, holding his hand tightly in yours, and look around.
severus looks around as well, "we can walk here a bit, maybe sit down somewhere" he offers, and you nod, and just like that, you start walking around, feeling the cold in your faces, your shoes hitting the sidewalk, and the warm feeling of each other hands.
"for how long have you been doing this?" severus hears your gentle voice ask. he sighs before he answers, "well, for quite a while"
"and how was it for you, when you started?" you ask immediatly after.
he thinks for a moment, holding your hand tighter as he does, "well, when i began doing it, it was difficult. i was coming out of a difficult situation, and doing this was a sagnificantly big step to become a better person" he decides, nodding.
"and when i got mine..." he coughed, "it hurt... for a few days. and i hated... everything. and even though i still hate it, i know why its there... its a sign of my commitment for what im doing, for how much i wish to do whatever i can to make this a better place" he finishs, and gives you a side look.
you look down, and your hand grabs his harder, your thumb rubbing over his skin.
"i hope i feel better about what im doing soon, too" you murmur, looking up at the sky, evidently holding tears in your eyes.
"do you not?" he asks lowly. you shake your head. "i know that im doing something good, i just dont feel it, yet" you reply with a sigh, and look up at him for a quick second.
"i feel better when im with you, though. i feel like im not alone" you add lowly, looking back down.
severus smiles.
"im glad to hear it. youre not alone, my dearest. youre with me" he says lowly, and when he looks at you, he sees you looking back at him, and youre smiling.
youre smiling back at him.
its relaxing him. its satisfying.
**
when you return back to hogwarts, youre the first to talk.
"can i come to your room tonight? i like... your tea" you mummble, looking down as you ask.
he chuckles, and whilst holding your hand, he starts walking towards the dungeons.
this time, he doesnt see your smile.
you sit down on the sofa in his room, and look out of the window while severus is warming up the kettle and makes 2 cups of hot tea.
he returns, and sits down beside you, and you both sip your tea slowly, not talking much in between.
at some point, you sigh and put down your cup. "can i put my legs over yours?" you ask quietly. severus nods.
you raise your legs over his thighs, and nudge over to him, putting your head on his shoulder.
"im glad i have you severus" you whisper out.
severus wraps his hand around you, and sighs with a smile. "youll always have me {Y/N}"
***
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yours, the red demon♧