I swear when I left Monaco I left a piece of my heart there. Never in my life have I felt happier than lying there, under the sun, on a yacht, in the company of Daniel.
However, reality called. Daniel had a job and that involved him being needed at the Mclaren Technology Centre back home. There I had no excuse to stay with Daniel, I had a perfectly good room at my parents house and any excuse I might try would make things painfully obvious to everyone. So I'd had a Daniel-less three days back with Lando until we flew to Baku yesterday.
"You're coming tonight?" Carlos asks as I sip on the iced coffee made for me in the Ferrari motorhome. I was heading towards Mclaren one when I stumbled across the Spaniard. He'd almost dragged me into the red and white trailer wanting to speak with me, not that I'd ever complain, the coffee is way better here - made in Italy and all that. We take a seat in the sun which is hitting the outdoor seating area of the Ferrari perfectly, drinks in hand and sunglasses over eyes.
"What's tonight?" I ask quickly, between swallows, reaching for my sunglasses to slide over my eyes. It's hot but a little windy for my liking, the breeze is hitting my eyes in an awkward way and making them water.
"The dinner." Carlos clarifies.
"I don't know anything about a dinner." I explain with a shrug to who is looking a little confused by my words.
"I thought you'd be there; Lando and Daniel are coming." Carlos's words surprise me. Neither Lando nor Daniel had mentioned a thing about these supposed plans. I would be offended, but I was quite resigned into having a quiet night in the hotel. Baku is beautiful and I'd love to see more of it but for some reason I'm constantly filled with this sense of exhaustion. Plus, I hasn't slept well last night and my eyes are aching.
"You're not coming?" Charles asks, making me jump a little in my spot. I look to him a little wide eyed not even knowing he'd appeared. He greets me with a small grin, laughing at my reaction kissing each of my cheeks softly before dropping into the chair to my left.
"I haven't heard of it." I hum, my eyes flicking between them. "Don't think I'm meant to be there." I add, the words don't seem to convince either of them. They weren't meant in a rude way.
"It's not official or anything, Pierre just organised yesterday." Charles explains in the carefree way he seems to say most things with. I'd never even met Pierre, why would he think I'm invited? I want to point this out but don't.
"I think I'd ruin your fun." Is all I reply with a shake of my head.
"You could never ruin my fun Amber." Charles grins, a wink sent in my direction with the smooth words. I only laugh at him, his flirty move doesn't have the same effect on me as it did a few weeks ago. We've become too good of friends for it. Plus I know his type now - dark hair & named Lilly - that's not me.
"Flattery isn't getting you Lill's number Leclerc." Charles huffs in frustration at my words. Lilly, for some unknown reason, had made me promise not to hand over her number to Charles. She'd wanted what happened to remain in the week they spent in Monaco. I personally didn't really understand it but it was her decision to make, I guess. Girl code and all that...This being said, I'm almost tempted to meddle in her business as payback for her spilling my secrets to Charles in Monaco. "I'm not crashing a guys night." Annoyingly I make air quite around 'guys night', Charles rolls his eyes.
"It's not guys night." Carlos tries but I only shake my head no.
Besides, if Lando or Daniel wanted me there they would've invited me. I don't have to go to everything around here, that's okay. I can order room service and FaceTime Lill, maybe even watch a movie in bed and actually sleep. "Guys night involves tequila, this won't, we have to race tomorrow." Carlos adds lightly and I shake my head at his words. I can't handle tequila, I found that out the hard way in my final year of uni (and on the night I met Daniel).
"I don't know..." I really was settled on my quiet night in but I'm easily talked into plans. Charles and Carlos's eyes flick between eachother and me as if they're trying to have a mental conversation. I only take another sip of my drink to escape from any further conversation of the night.
Charles' phone buzzes on the glass table between us and he swiftly reads the message telling Carlos they have to go. There's a team meeting before FP1 gets underway and they're both fairly essential members of said team. As he stands Charles lifts a cup of coffee to his lips taking a small sip, he's watching me with such an intense gaze it makes me shift in my spot. He's assessing me. His gaze drops when he realised I've spotted him.
"I'll meet you outside of your hotel at seven Amber." Charles instructs, looking at me whilst texting on his phone. I'd tell him I'm impressed by his ability to multitask if he hadn't walked away from me so fast. It was a tactical move so I couldn't turn him down I'm sure.
-
True to his word Charles appeared outside my hotel in a Ferrari (obviously) at 7 on the dot. He was grinning smugly at my appearance outside the doors to the hotel. I would have cancelled with him via text if I was going to back out, I like to think he'd know me that well. But still, I climbed in the car without a comeback when he opened the door for me and smiled when he promised to get us there fast.
It was a promise he kept when we arrived at the hotel Pierre was apparently staying no more than ten minutes later. He spent the whole ride quietly singing along to songs on the radio and it made me laugh. For someone who tries to seem so cool, Charles is really just a very normal guy and an incredibly likeable one at that. "Who'd have thought that the super cool Formula one driver would love Camila Cabello so much!" I muse to myself as we head up the small steps of the hotel.
"Shut up!" Charles mumbles, fighting a laugh as he playfully glares at me. "It's a good song!" He tries and I can only nod in agreement. It is good, I just didn't expect him to know every word to Señorita. Remind me why Lilly isn't letting this man Persue her?
Charles hands his keys to the valet and waits for me to get out the car. Each face that spots him almost lights up at the sight, he smiles at each person politely even offering a quiet 'hello' to a few. Supposedly this is the hotel where the Alpha Tauri team are staying, and you can tell. It's buzzing with people in team shirts in conversation about the track and team performance today.
The second we step into the restaurant I can feel Daniel's eyes on me. Charles almost rushes over to the table and grabs onto Pierre, hugging him tightly in his arms and speaking French enthusiastically to him. They're obviously great friends, he'd talked about him at length in our time together and they laugh together almost immediately. Lando is smiling at me softly as I look around at the spare seats of the table. Thankfully there's enough for us all, I would've felt unbelievably uncomfortable if there was no space for me.
Of course there's a space beside Daniel, across from George and his girlfriend Carla who I'm quickly introduced to. The other seat is beside Pierre. I decide to sit beside Daniel (for obvious reasons), greeting everyone around the table with varying degrees of warmth. I go to hug Carlos and Lando and politely wave in Pierre's direction thanking him for letting me join.
"You didn't tell me you were coming." Daniel says to me quietly as I set myself down beside him. Conversation focus shifts down the table with Charles's appearance, I'm the least exciting arrival here. Daniel pulls me into his side in what looks like a friendly hug, nobody can see that his arm intentionally grazed against my chest and I had to fight to keep a straight face at the action. He's teasing me? Here?
"You didn't tell me either." I point out, my eyes flicking around the table to see Carlos eyeing me, or us, carefully, he's the only one who isn't trying to chat with Charles. My cheeks heat at the look. Maybe Daniel's touch wasn't as subtle as I initially thought. "I got slightly talked into it by our favourite Spaniard and Monagaque pair." I clarify gesturing towards Carlos who's gaze quickly moves from me as if he's been caught out. Daniel doesn't seem to notice the look we've been getting and instead shifts in his seat so he can lean closer to me.
"Should I have told you?" Daniel asks softly, his voice almost a whisper and I shrug.
"No." I shake my head, keeping our words hushed. It's not an argument, at least I don't think it is it's just a little awkward. "At least I don't think so?" My words were meant to be a statement but leave me as a question. Another shrug leaves me with the words and Daniel looks thoughtful with them.
"That's okay then." He says almost to himself. I nod at his words, not knowing what else there is to say. I wasn't upset, feeling a little left out sure, but it wasn't like I was going to cry in my hotel room alone. I had been excited for my night to myself.
When the waiter comes I go to order an orange juice, that is until Carla asks the waiter for the wine. I'm quickly talked into splitting a bottle with her. She's easy conversation and I'm glad for another female face at these dinner tables. As fun as these guys are it's good to have some girl-conversation - she laughs when I tell her this but says she understands.
I find out she's a fashion designer in London and this is only the third race weekend she's ever attended. She's almost bouncing in her seat with excitement of what the next two days could hold. "Pressure's on George-y." I joke and he only shrugs any tension off him just as he had since first stepping into the Mercedes garage in March. He'd always been very cool under pressure.
"He doesn't seem to feel pressure!" Carla says her eyes wide and almost disbelieving as she looks to him. George is shaking his head at her words, he does, he's just quieter than the other guys here when he feels it. He's not as big or loud of a character as Lando, never has been.
"Only cause he's constantly concussed from all that bouncing. He doesn't even know where he is right now." Daniel's grinning teasingly at George, my arm flys out to swat his arm with the comment. Carla is chewing on her lower lip fighting a laugh, George almost snorts with the words. The Mercedes' struggles have been no secret this year.
"I've jumped from one tractor to the next really." George adds to the joke, his tone light and joking. Said tractor is still better than half the cars on the grid, but everyone seems to let the comment pass. He'd been shooting up the points consistently for months. Maybe he was right and consistency is key - he's saved with a key beside his name in Lando's phone for this reason.
Carla and I are each halfway through our second glass of wine chatting about her job a little more when I hear it. "What you think you're better than me now?" My attention is grabbed by Lando's voice cutting across the table alongside a clatter of cutlery and glass. Myself and Carla's conversation stopping mid word. She was just about to show me a few of the things she's been working on for the late summer collection. They were just gorgeous and I promised when I'm back in London to visit her store/workshop.
"That's not what I said." Carlos is saying with a shake of his head, his hands are slightly raised in defence. "C'mon Lando," Carlos attempts to quiet Lando down and I watch carefully as my brothers jaw tightens and almost twitches. This is not good, he only pulls this face when something is seriously ticking him off. Daniel's jaw is a little slack as he watches the scene beside him. I'm sure he's seen Lando riled up before, but not like this. It's rare for even me to see him this angered. I have no idea what's led to this outburst, I was too deep in conversation with George, Carla and Dan to notice anything was happening. Now we all seem to be equally confused.
"What happened?!" I whisper in Dan's direction and he just shakes his head a small shrug in his shoulders as he looks to Lando beside him. Lando and Carlos continue bickering back and forth. Lando each time accusing Carlos of belittling and mocking him, Carlos defending himself denying anything of the sort.
"Mate it wasn't like that." Charles tries to get involved, at which Lando rolls his eyes.
"It was definitely a joke." Pierre adds and I only watch the scene unfold carefully.
"No it wasn't, he's been making jabs like that for months I'm getting really fûcking sick of it." Lando snaps and my eyebrows furrow at his words. Lando's hardly one to usually get hurt by harmless jokes, half the time he's the one making fun of people. He has a thicker skin than people expect. The period where George drove for Williams he poked fun at him constantly, everything's said in good humour with no ill intention. It's just how these guys get on. I really can't imagine Carlos saying anything cruel to my brother.
"Do you mean when I said Mclaren need to get their shit together?" Carlos asks, he looks genuinely confused by Lando's outburst, as everyone around the table does. There's a breath of silence around the table. "Because they do, you and Daniel and everyone can do better there." Carlos explains his words, his voice steady as he gestures to the two men to my right. "And I think they're screwing you over right now." Carlos tries to justify and my heart sinks a little.
His complaints only come from a place of care for Lando, I always joked that he was Lando's additional brother - it was never really a joke. That being said I know Carlos's comment will sting Lando a little, he's been working so hard, everyone has.
Lando only huffs "Honestly, just shut the fuck up Carlos." He snaps with a roll of his eyes.
"Lando!" I almost cry scolding him from the other side of Daniel who's now stuck in the middle of the two of us. He looks incredibly uncomfortable. My mouth is wide open I'm glaring at him, mortified that he'd speak to anyone like that, much less in public. He only glares back, holding my gaze.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Eight whole seconds of crackling silence passes at the table, Lando and I sizing eachother up at the table before it's broken. He's spoken to me (and our other siblings) like that before, sure, but I'm his sister and sibling fights seem to have some unspoken level to them that's acceptable. Sure, in the heat of the moment we've all said things we regretted. Just not in public, and not to people who are supposedly close friends.
I'm warning Lando with my firm glare not to say or do anything more. Carlos doesn't deserve it and nobody else here needs to hear it.
"Fuck this." He grumbles under his breath moving back in his chair with a screech. His eyes drop from mine as he throws himself out of the chair, pushing his way through the small maze of tables and out the doors.
Carla has her hand raised over her mouth. Daniel is a little wide eyed, as is George who looks confused. Pierre and Charles are exchanging confused words in French and Carlos is pushing himself out of his chair to follow Lando. "'scuse me," the mumbled words leave me slowly as I rise out of my seat, following the two former teammates to the exit of the restaurant.
I'm thankful for the trainers on my feet as I scoot around the various tables, just as Lando and Carlos did before me. In heels I think I'd embarrass myself and land head first into a table setting. Various waiters and waitresses give me polite smiles and I try my best to return them, but I'm a little sidetracked. I don't miss how one of them mumbles Lando's name to another either. I make a mental note to tell Rachel about the events here tonight so she can limit any potential PR fallout or awkwardness.
There's an echoed 'just leave me alone' from Lando as I step out of the restaurant into the lobby area heading over to the pair of them. Lando is glaring at me over his shoulder as he walks away from his former teammate. By the time I reach their spot Carlos is the only one there.
"What even happened?!" I ask my eyes a little wide as I watch Lando's body moves quickly through the hotel lobby and out of the doors. Carlos is just shaking his head to himself mumbling what I'm pretty certain is curses in Spanish under his breath. "One moment everyone was okay and the next..." I'm just furious at him for causing such a scene and speaking to someone that way.
"I'm looking out for him, he took things the wrong way...I don't know." Carlos admits running a hand through his hair. He's completely flustered and frustrated by the situation. We both watch as Lando collects his car from the valet. He fakes a smile on his face as the guy asks him for a photo before going to collect his car. "You need to tell him about Daniel." Carlos mumbles as we stand together watching Lando. With his words I'm frozen in my spot. It's a pivot in conversation I wasn't expecting, my stomach dropping and filling with anxiety.
"What about Daniel?" I ask, trying my best to appear oblivious despite completely losing my cool internally. Carlos only sends me a flat look. My heart sinks a little with the firm glare, I swallow heavily. Carlos always was able to read me easily, maybe he wasn't just Lando's adopted sibling. A heavy sigh leaves my lips. "Charles told you?" I ask and Carlos shakes his head.
"He hinted at it, but it's obvious actually. You've been whispering to eachother all night." He scratches at his forehead awkwardly, eyes still on Lando who's awkwardly standing outside of the front door of the hotel, arms folded like a kid in a bad mood. The sight would be comical if I weren't so embarrassed by him right now. "He's pissed at me eighteen months later for not telling him about the move to Ferrari. He's gonna kill you if he finds out about your boyfriend." I splutter a little at Carlos's words.
"I don't think he's pissed at you, he's been in a weird mood since yesterday, there's something going on." Carlos isn't convinced by my words, I'm not sure I am either. "And Daniel's not my boyfriend." I add defensively. Despite it the word feels strangely natural on my lips. No, we're just friends who kiss a little bit, and like eachother...a lot, and don't date anyone else. I'm Daniel's and I'm pretty sure he's mine (whatever that means). We're in a weird limbo of a relationship, but he's not my boyfriend.
The thought of telling Lando that I slept with Daniel and am now currently sleeping with Daniel with growing feelings makes me want to throw up. I know it's the sensible thing to do, I should've told him after it happened the first time, but I'm an idiot and now it's been too long. It was never meant to be the huge secret it now is.
I hate it.
I hate keeping things from him. I hate that his friends are keeping things from him on my behalf. I hate that I can't share how happy this amazing man is making me with my brother. I hate that I'm stupid enough to continue to lie because I'm now too scared to see how he'll react.
"Either way," Carlos continues, oblivious to my inner panic. "you need to tell him. He'll want to know." He warns shaking his head before heading back to his place in the restaurant.
Carlos leaves me in the hall to process his words my mind in overdrive until Daniel comes out and offers to drive us back to the hotel.
—————
Soooo See you soon 😌
❤️