|TW|
Suicidal Thoughts/Attempt
"Were you the one who hurt her?"
The second Dumbledore had dismissed the crowd, the marauders jumped up and ran towards the door, yet they didn't walk through but waited until their blonde friend stumbled out of her seat and limped towards the exit, her intoxication radiating off of her like a spot-light and it didn't take long before Sirius spotted her in the throng of Slytherins and quickly grasped her wrist and pulled her out and away from Landon.
"What the hell?" She slurred with annoyance, but once they exited the hall she looked up to see all four boys staring down at her.
"Drink this." Remus demanded as he reached for a small vile in his bag and placed it into her hands, Del knew what potion lay within her palms which is why she looked up at them with a stubborn glare.
"No." She huffed, she was willing to speak with them and follow wherever they planned to take her, but she wasn't willing to give up her peaceful intoxication because she knew the second she reached sobriety was the second she would just go into another panic attack.
They all cocked their heads back with surprise, her tone wasn't aggressive, though it showed that she wasn't giving any room for negotiation, she was really about to fight over her own sobriety with them.
"What is going on with you?" James asked in an aggressive whisper, "Last night scared the shit out of all of us, Del, we're worried! And then you show up to the Great Hall drunk off your arse with Landon Whitmore? What is going on?"
"Last night scared the shit out of you guys?" Del replied with the same hoarse tone, a taunting smile growing on her face as she thought of many things she was able to say in the moment to get them to back off, yet thankfully Sirius caught on to her defensive tactics and quickly jumped in before she spluttered something she would regret.
"Listen, we don't want to argue or anything here. All we want is to make sure you're okay, I know we weren't the only ones scared last night and we understand-"
"You don't understand Sirius." Del slurred angrily, she had a choice to make and seeing them made her realise that she couldn't let anything else happen to her friends, as much as she loathed it, she made her decision.
"Then help us understand!" James begged.
Unshed tears began to form in her eyes as she let her walls build, she had her fun and she shared her story, but it was time for her to wake up and recognize that it needed to come to an end. "No, don't do that, Del, don't shut us out, we can help." Sirius panicked, he saw the way her eyes dulled and the way her face dropped, he knew what was about to come and he knew that if they didn't solve it quickly then they may never will.
"No, you can't," Del shrugged, "Look what happened to Lily, that was because of me, you guys need to open your eyes and understand that things are going to change, they have to, I won't let anyone else get hurt because of me."
Everyone's mouths shut as they grasped what she was saying, Lily was put in the hospital wing because of her, the reason she had a panic attack was because she feared for what their reactions would be, because of this very talk.
"Don't say that, Del" James said as he walked closer to her, "Were you the one who hurt her?" He asked with a knowing tone that helped them all comprehend where he was going with this.
"No, but-"
"Were you the one that raised a wand to her or were you the one that got her to the infirmary to help save her life?" He continued until he finally stood directly in front of her, she attempted to reply, but once she opened her mouth no words were able to flow out so James spoke for her, "I don't know what happened, but what I do know is that it wasn't you who put her in there, I don't care what the motive was, it wasn't your fault, okay? Now take the sobering potion because whatever has you high or drunk off your arse if messing with your emotions, we're going to go to the Hospital Wing and you can tell us what happened there okay? I know that last night you were scared that we would have a bad reaction, but, Delphinus, I promise you that no matter the reason, unless you put her there or had someone do it for you, we are not mad at you, we're mad at the sick fuck that made you believe it's your fault." He finished before pulling her tense body into a hug where she then completely shattered, he was right about the mix of alcohol and weed in her system, it had completely disrupted her emotions making her a sobbing mess, but she couldn't blame it all on the influence she was under, she couldn't even begin to describe the pure relief she felt by his words.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She sputtered out as she gripped onto the back of his robes as if her life depended on it and James held her with the same amount of strength as he rested his chin on top of her head with his eyes closed as he listened to her quiet cries.
Peter, Remus, and Sirius all stayed back as they watched their two friends, all holding saddened smiles and once James removed his chin from her head he twisted it slightly to silently signal the three over, he knew that he wasn't the only one Del needed at the moment, she needed all her boys.
Without a second of hesitation the three of them walked over and joined into the hug which had Del let out a quiet laugh, she really did need them in the moment.
"Wow, you reek of weed and Fire Whiskey, mate." Peter coughed, bringing light to the moment as the five of them broke out into their own little fits of laughter before they pulled away and Del quickly wiped beneath her eyes before downing the sobriety potion.
It played into effect immediately and she blinked a few times to get used to the instant switch of reality. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't missed her high, but she promised herself that once she returned to her dorm she would take just a hit or two to calm her nerves.
"You alright." Sirius asked with a small smile and she nodded, but he still pulled her into a small hug, "We'll talk later, yeah?" He whispered only for her to hear and to not create any suspicion she nodded once more before pulling out of the hug.
Soon they all began walking to the Hospital Wing, Del stayed slightly behind the group as she prepared herself to see Lily, though she just settled everything with the marauders, she was right about one thing, the second her sobriety came, her anxiety followed.
They say they aren't mad at her now but what if all that changes? What is she even supposed to tell them? Revealing this could risk revealing everything else that happened in the past and she knew she wasn't ready for that yet and just because they aren't upset with her, what about Lily? She was the one who was actually impacted because of her.
James had noticed that she hadn't been side by side with the group, so turning his head he noticed her walking slowly behind them with her head down as she anxiously ran her hands through her long hair. something the two of them always did when going through anxiety.
He stopped in his tracks but silently nodded for the others to continue and waited until Del caught up with him where he then stopped her by grabbing one of her hands and intertwining it with his.
"Remember what I said, okay? This isn't your fault, we saw Madam Pomfrey on our way to Breakfast and she said that Lily was healthy and stable, everything is okay." He coaxed, and Del nodded as she took a deep breath.
Once they all arrived at the Hospital Wing, Peter moved forward to push open and hold the large doors so they could all enter and move towards the only bed that had the curtains closed around it, two shadows able to be seen from the outside.
"Lily?" Remus asked once they all surrounded the white cloth, once her quiet voice came through James gave Del's hand another comforting squeeze as they watched him open the curtain to reveal Lily in the bed with Amos in the seat next to her.
Amos leant down and whispered something in her ear before kissing the base of her forehead and walking out of the infirmary to give the group some space.
"Hey guys." Lily said with a dazed smile and Sirius fought the urge to let out a small laugh, her dilated pupils and heavy eyelids gave away the fact that she was on some painkillers and high off her arse.
"How you doing, Evans?" James asked with pure concern, though that love may not still be there, he'd cared for the ginger for as long as he could remember.
"I'm alright, a little shaken up but all's well." She smiled weakly, but that smile dropped once she saw Del who had been hidden behind Remus' tall frame.
"Del." Lily sighed with relief, "I'm glad you're okay. I was worried, Madam Pomfrey was freaking out this morning when you weren't in your bed."
All the boys turned to look at Del with disappointing glares, she always seemed to sneak out of the infirmary.
Del ignored there looks as she moved closer and sat in the seat Amos had been in just a few moments ago before taking her hand into hers, "I'm okay, but, Lils, I'm so sorry this all happened, I wish I had gotten there sooner but I ran into Corvus and-"
"It's not your fault, Del, I know Yaxley was trying to make it sound that way but don't listen to his words, I overheard what he said to you, about the choice and you saying yes, whatever it is, don't listen to him, he can't hold my safety above your head." Lily sighed as she gripped her hand tighter but Del couldn't help but cock her head back with confusion, Yaxley hadn't been the one making those threats, nor was he the one who caused harm to Lily.
"Lils, what do you mean Yaxley?" Del asked with furrowed brows.
"Right before he cursed me I was cornered by him and three others, he said he wanted me to know who was doing this to me and admitted his name which was quite stupid if you ask me, he's expelled from Hogwarts now, he might even get sent to Azkaban, I don't know for sure but he's on trial with the ministry."
Del wetted her lips as she stared down with confusion, Yaxley hadn't even been there, she remembered all the boys' body types, Leo had been the one who struck Lily, she remembered the family rings that all the boys bore on their fingers, Mulciber, Pucey, and Flint, but no Yaxley heirloom.
Sirius watched her crumble within her own thoughts, he knew something wasn't right with what Lily said so he quickly jumped in to distract the attention away from her, "Well at least that arsehole got what he deserved, what about the others? Who else was there?"
"I don't know who it was, they all had these horrid masks made of medal, truly terrifying and unsettling if you ask me, but other than Yaxley admitting that it was him I don't know who else was there, even if they didn't have the masks on I wouldn't know, all the torches went and it was pitch black." She shuddered, but she clearly had something else she wanted to say, but it looked as if she were hesitating, wondering if it were the best idea for her to share this whilst all the boys, James especially, surrounded Del.
"What is it, Lily?" Remus pushed as he neared the bed while anxiously biting his fingernails, they really didn't think the story could get any worse.
"I don't know if I should say it." Lily gulped as she looked at Del, silently telling the girl that it was about her, yet of course, that only made the marauders' curiosity grow.
"Evans, what else happened?" James asked with uncertainty, he noticed the way her eyes were shooting back and forth between him and Del.
"Yaxley, right before he, um, cursed me, he told me to tell you that you should be careful," Lily started as she watched Del with uncertain eyes, she really didn't feel like she should continue with everyone else still in the room, but once she nodded for her to carry on she took a deep breath before closing her eyes, "He told me to tell you that you should be careful and begin listening unless you wanted what ever happened during summer to happen again and that if things don't change after the Yule Ball, or if you were to tell anyone, then I won't be the last one in here."
Silence.
Pure utter silence enveloped the infirmary as Del began feeling genuinely sick to her stomach, her quiet reaction was worse than any of the other ones Lily had prepared for because now no one knew what had been going on inside her head.
"What does he mean by that?" James asked, directing his question towards Del yet she paid no mind to all the eyes she had glued to her, "Del?" He asked again, this time with concern more than curiosity.
Sirius had shared the same reaction, yet he acted just as clueless to not cause any suspicion, but of course, Remus had felt him physically tense up whilst his eyes darkened and narrowed, and he too shared the same curiosity and concern as James as he turned to look at his best mate.
Peter shuddered under the sudden change in the atmosphere, everyone seemed to have shared their own confusion as tension grew so thick it almost felt unbreathable, Lily instantly shied her eyes away from the group once she realised that she really should have waited to say what she had.
"I need to go." Del finally spoke as she jumped up and brushed past all of the boys, ignoring all of their objections and questions as she quickly left the infirmary, they had taken one step forward just to take two steps back.
Sirius and Lily shared an uneasy glance as they silently communicated with one another, though the muggle-born witch hadn't known much about what truly happened, she had seen the aftermath, those two being the only ones in the room who really knew how terrifying those words must've been for her to hear.
James kept his glare on the mute exchange and though he had no right to feel angry, he couldn't help the slight betrayal he felt as he watched his best mate leave the hospital to follow after his witch.
It was then and there that Sirius Black had blown his cover, Peter, Remus, and James all now understood that he knew what Lily was speaking of, he knew what had happened to Delphinus Malfoy over the summer.
* * *
Queue 'Black Out Days - Future Islands Remix' by: Phantogram, Future Islands:
The light snowfall from the morning had turned into a whole blizzard, the snow as hard as hail as it clung onto everything it fell onto, including the platinum long blonde hair and dark black robe that belonged to the Malfoy girl.
Quidditch practice was supposed to be held that afternoon although with the dangerous weather it was undoubtedly cancelled, yet that didn't stop Del from quickly grabbing her broom and ascending to the pitch, wasting no time before going from zero to one-hundred into the air, the frigid air and hard rocks of ice slapping across her face, yet she didn't care, she needed to be alone so she could drown herself within her own thoughts.
Once she figured she was high enough in the cloudy sky, she finally braised herself onto the broom before she released a heart-wrenching scream of pure pain, fear, and anger. She had been so far up away from the floor, further than the safety limit, meaning not a single soul was able to hear her and she used that to her advantage.
Her tears instantly froze onto her skin, it had been even colder up where she was and she knew if anyone were to see her they would instantly demand for her to fly back to surface, but she didn't care. She embraced the painful weather. Everything was too much for her, her clothes felt as if they were choking her and her throat felt as if it were closing in. She just wanted it all to stop.
Quickly undoing the small button at the top of her robe she ripped off the thick material in hopes to relieve the choking sensation it had been giving her and she watched as it flew away in the wind and down to the grass below her, she had been acting on pure adrenalin as her cries only grew.
She hated her life more than anything in this sick, cruel world. She didn't understand what she had done to deserve such fate; Leo was a genuine psychopath, he got pleasure from her pain which is exactly why she knew he wasn't spewing out empty threats to Lily.
He had still been holding a grudge against Yaxley for what he had attempted at Greengrass Manor which was exactly why he had set the blame on him and got him expelled from Hogwarts and possibly a sentence in Azkaban, Leo was sickly intelligent, he had planned out everything and he had chosen the perfect victim because he knew that she would never be able to be open about what had happened to her, she feared what would happen to Sirius if Leo were to ever find out that he knew what happened to her.
Del knew she wouldn't be able to survive this, either if her life came to an end from Leo or herself, she wouldn't make it out alive.
She didn't want to go through anymore pain, not with Leo or not from her own torturous mind, she just wanted it all to stop, all the grief, hurt, trauma, and guilt, she just wanted it to come to an end.
Her thoughts began to alarm her and her crying ceased to a stop, yet her tears still ran down her face, tracing over the thin frozen water particles as she peered over her side to look down to the quidditch pitch, it was far down, far enough.
Hyperventilation began creeping its way up her throat and the fact that she had been in high altitude didn't help her case, nor did the brisk weather. The light headed feeling already settled which altered her mindset, she was too weak, mentally and physically, to even think straight.
Which was why she didn't even think her next actions through, she proved her Slytherin friends right, the sorting hat had made a mistake, she was not built to be a Gryffindor because neither was she strong or brave, she gave up.
Delphinus Malfoy had completely given up, she removed her grip on her broom as her eyes grew hazy, and with one last choked sob, she embraced the forceful gust of wind and let herself loose balance.
Delphinus Malfoy had truly given up and let the darkness take over.
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