The garden was my solace.
The beauty of it never fails to amaze me each time I came here. It didn't matter that I came here every single day. The warm feeling that brightened my whole heart with amazement never faltered.
My giddy ten years self always saw something new. Whatever it was a butterfly, bees, the color of the flowers, and new plants that were newly grown.
The smell of it was pure heaven.
The smell of flowers to be precise.
I sat on a red and white striped picnic blanket spread out on the grass in the garden which was occupying the whole backyard that I'd built with my mother's help. The space of the blanket was full of different kinds of food. Sandwiches, grapes, cheese, jerky, cake and so many more. So much of it that I knew I wouldn't even eat less than half of it. But the sight of it made me smug especially when I made all of it by myself.
Pumpkin, my three years old orange cat, was curled up on my lap. She purred while I stroked her soft thick fur.
I've invited Mother to come out and join me. She promised she would come out and join me in fifteen minutes to complete washing the dishes and the mess I'd made while preparing the food. I'd thanked her and ran out here to set everything up.
She should be here a few minutes ago but I thought nothing of it. Mother could be a knack sometimes, spacing out and losing track of the time in the process.
BANG!
A hiss of pain escaped me as Pumpkin ran away from my lap, her claws cutting a few lines on my thigh in the process. I didn't blame her. I would have done the same thing if I was a four-legged creature. She disappeared into the garden and I never saw her again.
Another gunshot echoed from the house and I trembled. I was only ten. I was a kid. I didn't know what to do.
Mother always told me to run but my feet wouldn't comply with me. My brain was screaming at me to run but it was if my body disconnected and was frozen with terror.
A bloodcurdling scream sounded like my mother and it finally got me to move, not to run away but to run toward the sound. My mother was in danger and I didn't think about the risk it would put me into.
A stupid decision I made changed my whole life forever.
Stepping into that house was the biggest mistake I made in my life.
Little did I know then I wouldn't see a garden let alone a single flower for the next few years of my life.
If only I knew I would spend the next four years in the darkness.
P E R D I T A
I knew something was different before I opened my eyes.
A familiar smell of flowers engulfed my senses and I couldn't help myself from inhaling the scent in, soaking in the homely feeling -something I haven't felt for a long time.
-a long time?
What was the smell again? Why did it seem familiar?
The knowledge I had seconds ago slipped through my fingers and into the abyss. I scanned my brain, through my limited and jumbled memories but there was nothing. I forgot again.
The memory was lost to the darkness once again.
I noticed there wasn't the usual feeling of the hard floor on my back. It was replaced with something soft and fluffy. There weren't any usual goosebumps on my skin from the cold. Rather, I was warm.
I am never warm.
Am I dead and now residing in heaven?
Or had the monsters taken the mind games to the next level? A trick?
Haven't they broken me enough mentally? Didn't they say I've broken already? Why go further?
"It's been a week she's been here!" A voice shouted, breaking through my thoughts. "She should be awake by now!"
"I know, Salvo." A sigh came from someone else. "She did wake up a few times, through. She needs time and we'll be patient."
"Being awake for a minute before going back to sleep doesn't count, Elijah!" The voice - Salvo- cried.
"I know," Elijah said. "Again, we need to be patient. Even if it takes years."
"Her birthday is in a week and she should be awake." Another voice appeared.
"No one gives a shit about that, Apollo. I don't think she does right now, too." A different voice deadpanned.
"Noah, Apollo is entitled to have his own opinion." Elijah. "And I do care about her birthday. After all, we missed nine birthdays..." There was a wave of anger simmering underneath his tone.
"I can't believe she's going to be fourteen," Apollo said fondly.
All of them let out a few sounds of agreement. They continued to talk in a hushed tone and I couldn't hear them anymore. My body was tense and I refused to open my eyes and reveal myself.
There was no usual accent the monsters had in their voices.
I heard two of them before. I knew I've seen them before but all of it was a blur. In my muddled mind, I struggled to place them before they came to me like a light bulb turning on.
The memory came back to me.
There were two new monsters with me in this new place. I have seen nothing but darkness for a long time. Until they brought me to this room which I instantly hated. It was so bright. The light was almost everywhere.
The light meant monsters. And the monsters meant pain.
They were talking but it was as if I'm underwater. I didn't hear them, just tuned them out. I was desperate for the light to go away. I pressed myself away from the beams. The light was still too close. And I could still see light through my closed eyelids.
Then it became darker. One of them was blocking out the light. This was new...
They're coming, the voices whispered and I could feel its phantom breathing down on my ears. I stilled and a shiver went down my spine.
I lifted my head to explore my surroundings and I stopped when my eyes found a widened eyes man staring back at me. He was the one who was casting out the light.
Did he also despise the light? Perhaps he wasn't a monster as I thought at first but also a prey like me. He wasn't broken, though. I saw through the shock and anticipation in his eyes and it was still full of life.
They're here. The voices cried out in warning. Fear washes over me and I looked at the entrance where pain awaited.
Warn him. The voices ordered.
My lips parted but nothing came out. I struggled to remember to work my tongue to speak. When I attempted it again, I managed to make the words roll off my tongue.
"Don't scream." They hate it when you scream, is what I wanted to say. But two words is all I can manage.
"What?" He blinked down at me in disbelief.
"Don't scream," I repeated.
In the end, they screamed. My warning was pointless.
I don't blame them. I screamed far more than they did in the beginning.
There wasn't somebody there to warn me, though. I was alone.
A loud crash echoed. Before I could catch myself, I flinched and my eyes snapped open. A second later, I shut it again. I instantly slapped myself internally. I had revealed myself. I wanted nothing more than to be asleep right now.
Maybe they didn't see me?
"Ariana?"
Never mind.
Why did I keep hearing that name being directed to me? Is it my name? If so, how did this stranger know?
A stranger knew more about me than I know myself.
If I attempt to deceive them and they find out... I didn't know what they would do but I don't want to find out. Some of them may block out the light, it could be a plot for me to trick myself into trusting them. Then shatter it in the end.
My brain might be muddled and in the dark but I still remembered her. Her warm giggles morphing into a manic laugh would forever haunt me.
Out of all the memories I've lost, I was cursed to remember her.
I also didn't know these new people were worst or slightly better. I hoped for the latter. But I didn't want to test or anger them so I opened my eyes, announcing to the room I was awake. My eyes instantly found the ceiling as soon I opened them. I didn't have permission to meet their eyes yet.
"Ariana?" The stranger named Elijah repeated softly. "Can you hear me?"
Should I answer that? It was a question, not an order. Another strange thing. I pondered on my next step for a few seconds before deciding to stay silent.
It's worst when I make any sounds. If they decide to punish me for not speaking up, I'll deal with it. Either way, I would receive it and there was no pain that I haven't experienced.
At this moment, my mind was whirring and I was desperate to be back in the basement. At least these monsters were familiar and I knew what to do. They were predictable and I had my tools, although limited, to soften these blows of both mental and physical pain after years of observing.
But now, I was surrounded by a strange place and my pattern was corrupted. I had no idea how to act. One misstep could lead to these punishments I rather avoid.
"Do you know who we are?" Elijah asked, hovering over my bed. I furrowed my eyes rows slightly. I only know two of them.
"We're your brothers." He said. Brothers? The little memories I have of the Before, I did not recall having brothers. Perhaps I did and I just forgot them along with everything else. But I am not foolish enough to believe them blindly. I did that far too many times and I always end up suffering in one way or another.
"We won't hurt you." He kept on gently. "Don't worry."
Don't worry? Why say that in the first place if there's nothing to worry about from the start?
My heartbeat was getting erratic and my vision blurred. A memory emerged from the darkness in my brain, going straight into me like a hurricane and there was nothing to stop me from blocking it out before I remembered again.
T R I G G E R W A R N I N G : sexual assault
"Don't worry. I won't hurt you." His mouth curled into a smirk and his eyes promised otherwise even when his voice was gentle. Tears wouldn't stop going across my ten years old cheek. His hands kept getting lower and lower even when I cried for him to stop. His blue icy eyes flashed with lust as if my cries turned him on.
T W E N D S
Lies. All lies.
It hurt.
Far more than these cuts over my body.
They cannot be trusted, although I could do nothing if they decide to do something.
"Hey, look at me. It's okay." Apollo's kind but stern voice piped in. There was undoubtedly an order and I found myself following them before debating it. There was the shape of a man but my vision was blurry with tears to see what he looked like.
"Seems like she only reacts to direct orders," Apollo murmured.
"Don't you dare take advantage of that." Elijah snarled.
"I-I'm sorry!" Apollo rushed to say. "I wasn't trying to do that. I didn't mean that way..."
"For her to trust us, she needs to know she has a choice."
Salvo started, "Yeah, sh-"
"You guys, shut the fuck up. Why are you talking about her as if she's not there?!" Noah snapped. "This isn't helping."
Their voices were getting agitated. It wasn't good. Especially when they're talking about me. Soon it will turn into uncontrollable anger. I didn't move a muscle and prepared myself for pain.
"Oh, if Your Highness knows it all," Salvo sassed, "then be my fucking guest and help her."
Noah didn't reply and I couldn't see his face. But I felt the anger radiating off him.
"Kids, that's enough." Elijah chided. "Get out."
No, no! He was the one who bought the memories back. The words he said...
I didn't want to be alone with him. But what I wanted didn't matter. I had no control over anything. I never did.
My desperation grew. What would he do to me? Stay still, I told myself. I needed to detach my mind from my body.
"You get out. I'll stay here." Salvo - the one who blocked the light - said.
"What?" Elijah quizzed, sounding confused. His tone suggested he wasn't used to being questioned.
"She's scared of you for some reason. I was with her longer than you so she's probably more comfortable."
"So did I," Noah said.
"It's obvious she's more comfortable with me than you."
"But I'm smaller and you're bigger..."
"Oh, yes. I am aware but it's always nice to hear you admit it." Salvo's amused reply seemed to hide some underlying secret joke.
"That's not what I meant, you dirty fucker, and you know that! I'll die before I stroke that already big ego of yours." Noah snapped. "I meant you're more intimidating than me."
"She finds everybody intimidating. Just finds me the least, I guess. She tenses far less when she's around me. Guess I'm the favorite brother." I could hear a smirk in his words.
"You're not!" Noah and Apollo retorted at the same time.
"Children, please. Enough. Salvo's right." Elijah sounded suddenly exhausted. "We'll get out and Salvo, talk to her, and don't force anything out of her."
"Jesus Christ! I'll repeat this one more time. she's right there and you're all treating her like a ghost." Noah's hostile tone softened when he focused on me, "I'm happy to have you home, sorellina."
I heard the door open and two footsteps followed. There was a quiet click when it closed.
I saw Salvo's shape through my lousy vision sat down on the chair aside from the bed. "So...there's a water bottle here. Do you want to drink? You haven't drunk for a day and a half. Yeah, you need water. A cup was placed in my hand even though I didn't indicate I wanted it. I drowned the cup quickly and he took it back.
He began to speak about random things and asked me questions time from to time. He didn't seem fazed each time I didn't answer. I found myself lost in his rant and even relaxed a bit. There was something homely about him and even if I knew it was stupid of me, I would be lying to myself if I say I didn't trust him a bit.
Perhaps he won my trust when he played my hero even if it goes against my rules.
Baby steps.
A boring chapter with no action or drama but I thought this chapter was necessary to be told for us to get to know about Ariana and how she thinks.
I know Ariana might come out as plain and boring but give her a chance. She just came out from four years of severe trauma. I had internally planned for her to be in a far, far worse state but decided against it for the story to move forward a bit faster.
She's not herself right now. She's got a kind of amnesia, no sense of love, and a little self-respect and self-esteem.
Her personality will grow over time with many rough patches along the way. I love the character that I plan for her to have and hope all of you will too.
Don't forget to vote or comment! I especially love reading the comments.
<3