I sat down on my bed and thought about Carla.
There was no way that this could be the same person who always beat up others when they teased me at school.
She had always looked out for me and even though we were very different, she never made me feel like our friendship wouldn't last.
I met Carla at school and we hit it off right away.
She always knew where I was and with whom for some reason.
Me and Carla grew up together and it hurts my heart that I don't have her in my life anymore.
We never fought and even when we did I always forgave her.
I forgive people because even if they hurt me, I am afraid to lose them.
Carla was always more popular than me and had many more friends.
But I know now that it's not a success to have 100 friends, but one that really sticks.
I used to run to Carla's house when my dad would hit me and she would always comfort me.
Carla couldn't stand my father, she didn't even say "your dad" but always "asshole" or "alcoholic" to my father.
It's funny how friendships break.
9 months ago me and Carla were still at home watching Netflix and promised each other to stay best friends forever, and today we are almost enemies.
My father had once told me as a child that betrayal never comes from enemies, it always comes from friends.
I understand that phrase now.
I am mad at Carla and I will never forgive her either, but she will always have a place in my heart.
She was the sister I never had.
I leaned against my window and looked up at the sky.
,,Hi God,
I'm starting to think I'm annoying you with my problems, but I don't have anyone else to listen to me but not judge me.
I just lost my best friend since first grade.
I know it's better this way but it still hurts.
Eh what I wanted to ask you is....
Why do you hate me so much?
I mean yes I am physically healthy and have food on the table but I mean why are you taking everything from me?
In life everything has a reason, but why did you take Carla away from me?
Or my parents?
Why did my father have to be an alcoholic?
It's so frustrating to talk to someone who doesn't answer you anyway.
I had thought that if I went to college I could start a new life, but here it just got worse.
When can I finally live?
We humans wait our whole lives for things to happen.
For example, we wait until it's the weekend or until the month is over, we wait for the new year or maybe even for our graduation.
We wait for our summer vacation or to finally get our driver's license.
We wait for so many things and paint these pictures in our head that if we just wait a little bit longer our life will be good and we will really start to live.
I used to tell myself when I was sad that I just have to wait a few more years until I go to college, get married, have kids and so on until I'm finally happy, but I'm not happy.
Right now I'm waiting for all of this to end, but what am I waiting for next?
Even if it's just little things, we humans are always waiting for things to happen in the future, be it an appointment or even our death.
Ok sorry I am just complaining about my life to you again but you are a really good listener.
I'm sorry you always have to listen to people and no one listens to you but to be honest you created this world so it's our right to complain about our crappy lives.
It's not your fault, but who better to blame than the one who created everything?
No matter what else you want to do with my life or who you want to take away from me, don't take away Mason or Ruby.
Those two are the only people left."
I stopped talking to a figure I wasn't even really convinced existed.
But it doesn't matter.
I don't have to believe in God, because God believes in me.
I have learned one thing in my short life.
If you have walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided or unhappy relationship or friendship, then you have won.
Even if your heart hurts for a while, you are finally free.
Free to finally be what you've always wanted to be.
Happy.