Carter's POV
I heard Jax tell Ryder everything.
As soon as he started feeling antsy I came back to the front room on the off chance he would need me for something.
I could handle a lot of things. Most flash backs didn't even bother me anymore but I doubt the pain of that one will ever go away at this point.
I could tell it was messing with Jax too. He didn't like thinking about it either. It hits a little too close to home for both of us now. At least before we were only gay in theory, there was still a chance for us to prove him wrong, but now it was only salt added to an open wound.
With that in mind, the second he went to sleep I forced myself up front just to give him a break for a little while but now that I was here, I wasn't so sure that was for the best.
Callum and Ryder seemed to be too into each other to realize, as Ryder put a new movie on, not that they were paying attention to it anyway.
I tried my best to watch the movie while Ryder and Callum were being a cute couple like always. Liam was being rather neutral. He was watching the movie but his eyes moved around the room at random. They never focused on anything for too long. Stopping at Ryder and Callum for a few seconds, his eyes bearing into me for longer, his eyes going back to the movie.
My eyes never left the screen as I tried to fight off the flashbacks.
One after the other, one picking up right where the last left off. My heart was beginning to race as my fingernails dug into the palm of my hand.
I could have handled any other flashback, but it just had to be this one. As if Jax saying it wasn't bad enough, now I had to live it all over again.
"Are you okay," Liam whispered, his hand moving to capture mine but I moved it away before he hand the chance to.
"I'm fine," I say cheerily as I tried to shake the thought again but I knew he didn't believe me.
"Are you sure," he asked again, his voice low enough to not raise any awareness to Ryder and Callum.
"Of course," I say as I move off of the bed. "I'll be right back." I move to the bathroom.
I force myself to take a deep breath as I lock the bathroom door behind me.
My back slides down the door, my knees coming up to my chest as I laid my head on my knees. My hands coming up to my ears as I try to block out the non-existent sound while I force my eyes shut.
My scars tingle, as if they were reminding me that I didn't protect him.
The sound of that belt buckle hitting my skin echoes in my mind. His friends' voices join soon after, cheering the bastard on just as his hits became weaker, making him find new strength.
My jaw clenches as he kicks me to the ground as if I'm nothing.
I couldn't fight back even if I wanted to at this point. Everything hurt too much and keeping Jax from fronting was keeping me from thinking straight. Even if I could muscle through the pain enough to throw a punch, with my mind being divided by Jax and his dad, I wouldn't be able to hold either of them off for long.
All of that was out door thought when I saw his dad pull a knife out of his back pocket.
My heat races as I tried to push the thought away. This wasn't real anymore. I didn't have to watch it.
My leg kicks out to Jax's dad but before it has the chance to hit him one of his friends is holding me down, followed soon by the other two.
I struggle against them but there's no point. I'm too weak.
His dad comes closer until he's hovering above my chest, his knife waving in front of my face.
I force my hand away from my ear. I knew what I was going to have to do to break out of this but I wasn't thrilled about it.
My hand curled into a fist just as Jax's dad placed the blade on my chest.
His dad smirked just as my fist made contact with my temple.
My body followed the momentum as I slid off the door and onto the ground.
"Carter," someone had yelled out followed by them banging on the door.
I was hoping that one hit was going to be enough to stop all of it but it seems far from over now.
I feel myself curling into a ball on instinct as my fist tightens again.
The pounding on the door had gotten louder. It amazed me how quickly the flashbacks changed but I didn't let myself dwell on it.
"Carter answer me god dammit," the person said loudly just as my fist made first contact with the floor.
The door rattled, I knew it wouldn't be long before the door broke. I would have to snap myself out of it before it happened.
My punches to the floor we set to the rhythm of the bangs on the door, each hit coming down harder than the last until the door slammed open.
My eyes squeezed shut as I feel myself start shaking. Panic wells up in chest as the person drops down in front of face. My fist is aimed to the ground again but it doesn't hit the floor this time.
My eyes go wide as I try to snatch my hand away from who ever grabbed it but their grip only gets harder.
Callum stares back at me with a small glare, his chest heaving almost as hard as mine was.
It was all fake.
I had gotten ride of the flash back with the first hit. God, I'm stupid.
I force myself to stop shaking as I pulling my hand away from Callum more gently this time.
"What happened," he asked slowly as if he were trying to keep himself calm.
"Flash back," I brush off as I stood up and walked out of the now broken bathroom door before heading to the actual door.
"You going to the infirmary or something," Liam asked sarcastically but something else slipped into his voice as he followed. He almost sounded anxious.
"No." Why would I go there?
"Then where are you going," Callum asked angrily as he stepped outside with us, Ryder coming out last to close the door.
"We have a running track right," I asked as I headed over to the basketball court, I'm pretty sure it was over there somewhere.
"Carter you're bleeding," Liam tried to reason, making me pause for a second. I wasn't bleeding.
"No I'm not," I all but chuckle while Liam gestures down to my hand. I roll my eyes before glancing down at it. I expected to see nothing but bruised knuckles but Liam was right... like usual.
I can't help but frown down at it with a small glare. I had punched the ground plenty of times but I've never bled because of it.
Being at this camp was making me weak.
If I couldn't even punch the ground without bleed how was I supposed to keep Jax safe?
My glare hardened as I set off for the basketball court again.
Just because he wasn't here to train me doesn't mean I can't still do something. First things first, building up stamina and speed again.
"Carter," Callum grumbled out through clenched teeth as he followed after me again. "You need to go to the doctor. Your knuckles could be broken."
"They aren't," I say plainly. They didn't even hurt so how could they be broken?
They were starting to piss me off though. I didn't need them acting like concerned parents. If they wanted to come to the track with me I would let, but if they were just going to nag the whole time I didn't need them.
I force myself to speed up until Ryder's words reached my ears.
"What about Jax?" A harder glares set on my face I spun around to stare at him.
"What about Jax?"
"If he were up front, wouldn't you make him go?" We all knew the answer to that without me having to say it.
"Good thing he's not the one fronting then," I say as I turn back around. This time I don't stop when they call after me.
"You know what," Callum says after he's bitched the whole way to the track. "I don't care anymore," those words were music to my ears. He was finally giving up. I smirk to myself as I ready myself on the track.
I didn't have time to actually start running though. Callum's arms wrapped around my waist as he threw me over his shoulder before marching off.
"Put me down," I seethed out as I struggled against him. I could have easily gotten out of his grip but just because I was pissed at him didn't mean I wanted to hurt him.
"No," Callum seethed out. I could tell without even looking at him that his glare was giving mine a run for its money.
"Callum."
"Carter," he mimicked, his voice becoming harsher by the second.
"Now might be a good time for everyone to take a breather," Liam said as he followed behind us. "Nothing good ever comes out of both of you being mad, I can only imagine what will happen when you are mad at each other."
"Then tell him to put me down," I seethed out, my glare now directed at Liam rather than Callum's back.
"Will you go to the infirmary without a fight if I put you down," Callum asked after he had taken a deep breath. At least he sounded calmer now.
I don't answer his question.
"Didn't think so," he said as he trailed on.
"I want to go running after," I grumbled out.
"Let's just see what the nurse says before we make plans for later," Liam said tiredly.
I hated everything about this.
I hated they were making decisions for me. I hated they weren't letting me do what I needed to do. I especially hated that they acting like they knew what was best.
I hated everything about this.