* dadzawa x reader. err, this is sad. suicide, bad parenting, depression, the whole play so... be careful.
inspired by Aizawa_ssmile who wrote something like this, but this is... with a reader whos deprressed and insecure and doesnt have the backbone to stand up for herself because... mental things guys. ... be careful reading this lmao.*
**
being aizawas daughter is not easy. hes a busy man, and he doesnt have a lot of time for himself... or you. he works all day, patrols at night, and in between he trains, sleeps, and cares for his students.
he doesnt bother keeping an eye on you, since... well, youre ereaserheads daughter! you are strong and you can handle yourself. thats what he thought at least.
and because of him being so busy and tired all the time, you couldnt help yourself but feel guilty and pity for him. he works so hard, all the time, and he didnt have time for you, and you could understand it. you couldnt do anything, or even think about asking him to spend time with you when hes so busy.
there are more importent things than me.
you, reletively for his other students, were ok. you knew your quirk and you had a house with food, and you felt bad for complaining, so you didnt, even when it felt bad, being unseen.
youd mostly see your father at school when he teachs, and even than he doesnt pay much attention to you, when he has to run around and care for other people.
he wasnt home much, and when he was it would be late at night when he works on school assignments, so when you woke up this morning and saw his boots in the house, you were quite excited.
you jog down the corridor and find at the living room table your father, dark hair sprawled across his face and table, papers under his sleeping head.
without waking him up, you walk to the kitchen and pour yourself a cup of tea, deciding not to wake him up until he has to get to work, he must be tired.
you get ready for school as quietly as you can, every time you went past him you made sure to tip toe extra quietly, and when your time came to get to school, you decided that for one day, you could drape a blanket over him and tell the school hes not feeling well, so he could stay home one day in his whole life time and rest.
getting to UA, you infrom nezu that aizawa isnt feeling well and wont come to school, so present mic would fill in for him today.
"is he really sick?" present mic asks as he walks beside you to class 1-A, "no, he just seemed really tired and i didnt want to wake him up" you smile gently as you tell him. you liked hizashi, he was there for you often when your father couldnt, even though he too was a very busy man.
"i hope he wont eat you when he finds out what you did" he laughs, and you join in with a nervous laugh, "i hope so too" you whisper, not so joking anymore.
and so, a few hours go by without aizawa in sight, and you felt good for letting him sleep once in his life.
but just in time for the last class of the day to start, the door slams open and aizawa stands there, a scowl on his face.
"{Y/N}" his voice is warning and tacky, and youre ready for your yelling. you get up slowly and tutter towards the door, exiting it and standing infront of him as he slams the door close again.
"why didnt you wake me up?!" he yells, staring down at you, "b-because you seemed tired and... i thought you should sleep once in-" "you cant choose for me!" he cuts you off, wagging his finger.
ready for scolding, you lower your head and clasp your hands together, "you know how much my work is importent, and i dont have time for things like that!" things like your daughter. i know dad, i know im not importent.
"you know that there are things that must be taken care of! you cant do things like that! i thought you were much smarter than that! im so dissapointed in you {Y/N}" he sighs in the end, rubbing his forehead.
"i know dad" you whisper through the lump in your throat, eyes pooling with tears and your vision blurry. you always tried keeping up to his standarts, working hard, getting high marks and controling your quirk so he wont have to waste his time on you. or maybe, just to finally impress him and get him to aknowledge you.
he sighs and waves his hand dismissivly, "whatever, go" hes not bothering to say anything, just jerks his head towards the door. you enter back into class with your head hanging low, hands and legs shaking as you curse yourself and dare yourself to cry.
how didnt i think of this? of course he wanted me to wake him up, he needs to work, its importent to him, more than me. i shouldve known, im so stupid and useless.
youd try to be the perfect kid for him, always trying to get his approval by being a good student, and helping around the house. youd make dinner and wash the house and the clothes, but on days when you forgot or didnt have the time, aizawa would point it out. and youd feel bad.
aizawa gave you a roof over your head and food and he was so busy, the least you can do is help the tired man and not bother him.
but it seems that as much as time went and you grew up more, maybe, could be, that all of this dissapproval and ignoring you turned out to be... not so good.
you felt useless and tired and like a parasite, and every time you just thought about asking your father for some of his time or for his help, youd immediatly curse yourself for thinking he has the time out of his precious time to help you. you could manage, maybe. he needs to care for his students, or his latest project, hitoshi shinso, a student from class 1-B he decided to train.
he doesnt have the time for you, noone has, so you decided that maybe if you just left it would be easier for everyone, for aizawa. he maybe could have more time for his work instead of the time he spent with you-despite the fact he didnt spend almost any time with you beside the once a month dinner he was home-for his importent work.
you were stressed, sad, and dissapointed in yourself for taking up space in the world, or even the left corner room in the house for yourself.
so on a cold 4 am morning (aizawa wasnt home so it was no problem to get out of there), on top of a high building, you took a few pills and wrote down on a piece of paper,
'i hope that this way youll have one thing less to worry about. thank you to whoever was around. i did all i could, but i wasnt enough, never was enough. not enough for me, and not enough for you. i love everyone, and everything, and i hope life will be kind to you.
ps, dad, the detergent and fabric softner are in the lower left cabinet under the bathrook sink. i love you.'
leaving it under your shoes that you left there, you stood up on the ledge and smiled, closing your eyes and letting yourself down the building with a quick jump that ends with a thud of your body on the concrete, skull cracking open as well as your spine and ribs, blood pooling around your useless and now lifeless body.
**
when aizawa enters the house, he sees that your shoes are missing, but doesnt think much of it. he enters the house, ready to see a mug full of coffee-like there always was when he came back home in the morning from you-and there it was. a mug full of black coffee on the table, but its not as hot as it usualy is, and youre not around.
usually, he would find you eating at this time in the morning beside his mug of coffee, but youre not there, not your mug of tea and no dishes.
confused, he grabs the coffee and walks around the house, looking for you between the rooms that are left clean and silent, dark, walls cold as if they saw or heard something horrible.
suddenly, his phone rings. he goes back to the living room in hopes of finding your name tag at the screen of his phone in time to inform him you were safe and sound, but instead he sees the name tag of his friend, present mic.
"yes?" he asks as he raises his phone to his ear. "shouta?" a shaky voice asks through the phone, "yes" he answers, stopping in his tracks, "listen i was out patroling now..." the blond says lowly, and aizawa could hear chatter and police sirens in the back. "come down to street 56. {Y/N} is found here... dead..." hizashi says, voice breaking, and aizawas knees buckle, his heart skipping a couple of beats as he hears those words, it rings in his head and he has not a single thought in his head as the word fills up his brain.
dead. dead. dead. dead. dead.
"shouta?" hizashi cries into the phone, but aizawa is silent, no words comimg out of his mouth. he stands there, the mug of coffee long ago broken across the wooden floors, the coffee pooling at his feet and soaking his socks as he stares at the wall, not a single muscle of his is able to move.
"man?" he cant answer and he cant move and he cant see or hear. his soul left his body for a bit as pictures of you flashed before his eyes. your {E/C} eyes that he saw far too often pooling with tears, and at the same time he remembered their glow every time you ran into the room to... tell him how your day went... and how he wouldnt bother to look up at you from his papers... nodding without listening... before you left with your head hanging down, dragging your feet out of there.
remembered how when you were a little girl and developed your quirk, you had the biggest smile across your face and the shiniest eyes, and remembered how he didnt see that smile rediate off your face for a long time... and how your eyes shone with tears rather than excitment.
his phone drops from his hands as his eyes fill up with tears and he runs out of the house and down to the street, running down the streets and roada in full speed, his tears spilling out anf flying back as he ran and whimpered every once in a while, all the honks and shouts he got went right past his ears as he runs.
he turns the corner and remembers the taste of the dinner you made. you always made dinner for him, without him asking, even though he was never home to eat them with you. with you.
he hates himself more and more as he runs and realises how much he didnt pay attention to you, how much he was asking of you without giving you anything in return. he never did anything for you, without even a word of praise, you always did everything for him and now...
how did you die? sudennly, he understood that something happened. something that resulted in your death. a car crash, a meteor, a villain, a fire, a gunshot, as much as he ran more ideas, horrifying possabilities flashed in his head, until he came across the word suicide.
when he arrives at street 56, he sees a bunch of people, police cars and a yellow police line around a certin area. he runs over and pushs past all the passerbys that are standing there, and right before he gets between them all, hizashi grabs his shoulders.
the blond holds onto aizawas shoulders and they look at each other, hizashis eyes red and his face stained with tears, blood on his hands and clothes. "shouta..." he breaths out, lips trembling as he looks over your father. shoutas eyes are red and his wuole body is shaking, and hes shaking his head.
"move... move... let me through!!!" he begs the blond, shaking his head as he tries to break through his hold, but hizashi holds him back. "shouta... please..." he begs back, his voice breaking and weavering as he does so, hugging his best friend as he clawed at his back, trying to get through his hold looking at the policemen around your body.
he pushs the blond off of him as he walks over on wobbly and broken legs to the huddle of policemen and paramedics, mummbling through his cries, "no no please... this is not her...this cant be..." he cries, amd finally he pushs through the last policeman.
on the ground, a pool of blood around your body, your head cracked open and your eyes closed, your face painted dark red just as the rest of your body. "no... no... NO! thats my daughter!" he shouts in agony, falling to his knees and over you, tears falling free from his eyes now.
"n-no... thats my girl! thats my little girl!" he cries, holding onto your lifeless body and raising you up to his, staining himself with your blood, your cold body pressing to his as he hugged you, screaming and crying in agony as he swayed with you, weeping.
"this-... found under her shoe..." hizashi pops back in, and reachs forward for aizawa a note. he takes it with his bloody hand and holds with his other your broken skull to his chest as he cried and tried reading through his tears.
"'i hope that this way youll have one thing less to worry about. thank you to whoever was around. i did all i could, but i wasnt enough, never was enough. not enough for me, and not enough for you. i love everyone, and everything, and i hope life will be kind to you"
he cries even more, dropping his head and weeping, pressing his face down and his body into your lifeless one as he cried, realising what happened and what he caused. because of him and his stupidity, how be never said any encoureging word to you and your last conversation was him yelling at you for caring for him. he caused you to believe youre not enough, even though you did everything.
"ps, dad, the detergent and fabric softner are in the lower left cabinet under the bathrook sink. i love you.'"
he drops the note and hugs you again, feeling the blood pour out of you as he hugged your tighter, causing him to cry even more, hizashi sits beside the scene and cries silently as he watchs.
hizashi was scared, it was scary to see you dead, but it was even scarier to see the agony and sadness in aizawa, his cries and his shouts that curled his blood and raised the dead, his whole body shaking and going cold, he considered that he might be dying as well now, holding you.
"im sorry {Y/N}... im so sorry... how could i do this to you... please forgive me..." he cries, and in the back of his head realises that if you could answer theres a slight chance youd answer "no dad, its because of me"
"please {Y/N}... i love you so much... i love you so much... im so sorry..." he cries, holding your broken and bloody lifeless body to his as he shouted, cradling his hand under the back of your brokrn skull as his tears fell on your cold face, colour draining from his eyes as he realises that he did.
he cries a river that mixes with your blood when he realises what he did.
you realise how much something is valuable only once you loose it.
***
if you want anyone to talk to, youre more than welcome to come talk to me!
sorry. im not having a good time as you can see lmao.
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yours, the red demom♧