Jax's POV
I lay awake in silence, never moving from my uncomfortable position in Callum's chest.
Every time one of them moved in their sleep I would tense and pretend to be asleep again, just in case they were actually waking up.
I had messed up bad and I wasn't ready to have to talk about it. Liam knowing was one thing, Ryder knowing was a whole other thing, and Callum knowing is just unthinkable. This was one of the rare times I would prefer to keep Callum out of the situation.
Ryder would understand more than Callum and Liam combined. I can see the way he eats too, it's not much better than the way I do.
Callum will only be mad and that would only make everything so much worse.
Liam shifted in his sleep, making my eyes close as my breath evened out again but he was actually awake this time. He sighed deeply as he looked over to Ryder, when he saw Ryder was still asleep he turned to Callum and I.
He sighed when he saw that we were asleep too, at least he thought I was still asleep. I could feel his gaze shift over to the small clock by the door before he sighed again.
He lay awake as well until eventually Ryder woke up, followed shortly by Callum. It was weird how they could just tell when everyone else was awake.
"Do we wake him up or do we wait?" Ryder whispered. I try to keep myself from flinching but I don't think it worked very well.
"I don't know what to do at this point," Callum sighed weakly, his hands going back to play with my hair. He moves between petting and pulling. I try to keep myself from making noise but it's nearly impossible.
"Well if you keep doing that I don't think you will have to make the choice," Liam joked. Part of me wanted to glare at him but I still wasn't ready to face them.
"We all know you're awake," Liam said after a while, making part of my soul die.
My heart raced as I hesitantly looked up at Callum. I expected to see him scowling but he only smiles as he gives one last tug on my hair, a moan falls out of my mouth before I can stop it but they luckily they didn't comment on it.
"Well good morning," he said teasingly as he pulled me closer into his chest.
I stay quiet as my heart continues to race and the air quickly become serious.
"I don't want to talk about it," I say before Callum gets the chance to say anything.
"We can't just pretend this didn't happen," Liam said gently as I roll onto my back.
I only lay there with a scowl as I stare at the celling again.
"You don't have to tell us," Ryder said in a small voice, "but someone needs to know."
"You think I should tell Andrew?" My scowl deepens while my voice alone is enough to make Ryder flinch back without meaning to. "So we can have a repeat of yesterday? Tonight wouldn't have happened if last night hasn't been so bad."
"That's not the point," Callum said calmly. "You've only been here a few months and you are already loosing weight. Throwing up once is one thing, simply not eating is another."
"Andrew doesn't have to know everything," I grumbled out, making Callum sigh.
"I thought that too when I first got here," he admitted, his voice changing from carefree to calm with a hint of malice.
"I was actually a lot more like you then you may think. I was pissed off at everything, hated my roommates, and just the thought of therapy made me want to punch someone in the face."
"I never hated you," I mumbled out with a pout.
"I'll be honest, most things still piss me off and therapy makes me want to scream but it helps. And it only helps if you let it, if you let it."
"You had roommates before Liam and Ryder," I asked, hoping to get the conversation off of me. Callum easily sees what I'm doing but doesn't care enough to stop me.
"Yep, Tommy left two years ago now, Jason went three years ago. I didn't really get a chance to know Jason, I only had a good month with him but I had a whole year with Tom before he left. After Jason left it were just Tom and I until Ryder came. Tom pretty much told me the same thing I'm telling you."
I frown again but say nothing.
"It helps more than you think," Ryder whispered.
"How can you say that? You come back in tears from those sessions and you think they actually help?"
"They do help. Everyone tries to fight them but they help. You just have to be willing to let them."
"I was willing and I did try. Look where that got me."
"You have to give it more than one chance," Liam insists. I couldn't help but sigh.
They weren't going to let this go.
I could feel Callum about to speak again so I cut him off before he gets the chance.
"Fine," I sigh, making Liam look up at me with a hopeful look. "I'll talk with Andrew."
Callum seemed to relax instantly, while Ryder gave me a weak smile.
The tension in the air disappeared while Ryder's voice took its place.
My eyes fell shut again as I waited for sleep to overcome me as I thought.
In reality I knew I wasn't going to talk to Andrew, there was no point in it. He would only make things worse. The only thing he's actually helped me with since I got here was calming me down every so slightly and I could do that myself if I had the time.
Andrew wouldn't help with this. I could manage by myself.
Last updated April 15, 2021