Liam's POV
We could all tell the moment Jax woke up that he wasn't exactly there but he hadn't slipped yet either. It's like he was living in an in between state and none of us knew how to handle him when he was like that.
Callum tried to avoid it all together but he was smart enough to know that touching wouldn't be a great idea today. I tried to ignore it but as the day went on it became harder seeing just go through the motions. Ryder seemed to be taking it better than both of us. He tried to keep Jax in whatever conversation we were having and it seemed to help but I had a bad feeling after he went to his session.
"So do we just hope he sleeps it off or are we going to try something?" Callum asked the second Jax was gone.
I was about to say something when Ryder beat me to it.
"Let him sleep it off. We both slip and from what I can tell they are pretty similar for the most part except when it comes to getting him out of it."
"I defiantly don't think it would be a good idea to latch onto him right now," I agree as I shoot a glance to the door.
"When he slipped with Abbott the first time it was almost like trying to pull him out of it only made it worse."
"That could have been because everyone yelling and fighting him but at this point we have to just keep experimenting until we figure out what works."
Callum huffed in annoyance but said nothing else.
We ended up sitting in a tense silence for a while until the cabin door burst open without hesitation. I expected to see a pissed off Jax ready to hit something but a guard took his place. He looked shaken but like he was trying to keep his cool at the same time.
"You three need to come with me," he said as he turned around without another word. I looked over to Callum who seemed hesitate as well while Ryder was already halfway out the door.
"What's happening," I asked when I caught up to the dude.
"Your roommate is having a full on break down," was all he said as he practically ran to Andrew's office.
Callum mumbled a curse as he picked up his pace until he was full out running to the office.
The guard pushed him back for a second when we got to the office door before knocking on it. Andrew was there in a second, opening the door with a terrified look on his face. I caught myself looking for any fresh bruises on his face and let out a sigh when I didn't see anything.
"Oh thank god," he breathed out as he opened the door more and ushered us inside. "I don't know what happened," he said as we stepped into the office.
My eyes scanned the office the second I walked in. At first everything looked normal. Then my eyes landed on Jax and my heart broke.
He lay balled up in the corner of the room. His eyes were closed but tears were still streaming down his face. His fingernails dug into the side of his head. He shook uncontrollably on the floor.
"What in the hell did you do," Callum seethed as he glared at Andrew.
I had only seen Callum truly angry a few times but this time it worse than I had ever seen. Callum had never been a violent person but in this moment he looked a good three seconds away from murder. His jaw was clenched, his hands formed fists, and nothing but anger filled his eyes.
"I didn't do anything. We were in the middle of his session and it was like he just blinked out of existence."
"He slipped," Ryder clarified as he looked down at Jax with a fearful expression. I only hoped he could get that fear under control before Jax came back or he would never forgive himself for scaring Ryder.
"I've seen him slip before," Andrew said with a daze in his eye. "This was like a whole other thing. I tried to bring it out of it with counting because he said that helps but it was like it only made it worse.
"He got up and just started pacing. His kept tapping his fists to the side of his head; I kept thinking he was going to punch himself. Then he just dropped on the floor and backed into the corner. I called for a guard to go get you three and that's about as far as we got."
My eyes never left Jax whose fists had returned as he began tapping his head harder and harder.
With one last glare to Andrew, Callum turned back to Jax. His eyes softened as he eased towards him as if he was a wild animal.
"Jax," he said calmly but he didn't even flinch, like he didn't even hear it. "It's time to head back to the cabin, lets go home." That didn't seem to help either.
"Jax," Ryder joined in as he slowly fell to his knees beside Jax. "I want to go watch a movie. Will you come watch it with me?" Jax jerked slightly but I'm not sure if it was because of Ryder's voice or whatever was going on in his head right now.
"Jax, I really need you to snap out of it," I say after a while of nothing. "We're going to be late for dinner." He seemed to hear that but I'm not sure if he acknowledged it.
We went on like this for a while, trying to get him to come back through causal conversation but after a while Andrew said it was time to try something else but nothing seemed to help. We tried taking turns reading some random book to him. Callum even risked touching his hair. At that point we all agreed that a pissed off Jax was better than this but he did nothing. He didn't flinch, he didn't move to grab Callum's wrist, and he didn't try to get away. He just laid there, tears still streaming, accepting everything that was happening around him.
"We're going to have to take him to a hospital soon," Andrew said as he picked up his phone, probably to tell Mary to call an ambulance. "
"Jax," I pleaded, "I need you to come back to me."
"Jax, please," Ryder was nearly in tears of his own at this point.
"Jax, you're going to hurt yourself, I need you to stop," Andrew joined in, looking for any sort of reaction.
Our voices stayed gentle but Callum seemed to be done with being gentle. His scowl had returned as he looked at the claw marks around his ears.
"Jax, calm down now," Callum demanded, his jaw clenched but his scowl faltered for a second when Jax's shaking instantly stilled. My heart nearly stopped as relief washed over me.
"Good," Callum sighed before bringing the roughness back. "Now open your eyes for me."
A very small part of me wanted to laugh when Jax opened one eye just long enough to see anything. The rest of me only wanted to cry for him at how scared he still was.
"I'm not going to count that," Callum chuckled, bringing the tenderness back now that Jax was listening again. "Open your eyes for me babe."
His eyes cracked open little by little until they stared straight back at us. Tears still balanced on the edge of his waterline. Terror was the only emotion that shone through his eyes, as he looked up at Callum in a confused daze.
"There are those beautiful eyes," Callum said with a smirk.
He looked like he was about to start shaking all over again when his eyes met Andrew's.
"We're going to go home now," Callum said as he gestured for us to stand up but that sentence really did make him start shaking.
He mumbled something I couldn't quite hear as tears began to fall again. He shook his head as him mumbling became a bit louder.
"Don't make me go back there," he whispered through the tears. His eyes shut again as the shaking got worse.
Callum cursed at himself and quickly rephrased his sentence.
"The cabin," he stated quickly. "We're going to the cabin now." Jax didn't move, seemingly slipping all over again. "Open your eyes," Callum said again, the gentleness far gone again. Jax's eyes popped open again as he stared at Callum in a daze.
"We're going to the cabin now," Callum stated as he stood up. "Can you stand or do you want me to carry you?" I half expected Jax to scoff as he stood up and began walking away like nothing just happened but I was barely able to hold in a gasp as he reached up to Callum, who quickly got the memo, and scooped him up effortlessly and began walking to the door.
"I'm not sure taking him right now would be a good idea," Andrew said hesitantly. I turn around before Callum has the chance to, a clear scowl set on my face.
"You don't get to decide that. You made him like this and you weren't even able to fix him when you were done. We're going to the cabin, if we have a problem we'll send a guard to come get you." Without another word I moved to the door, opening it for Callum, before ushering him and Ryder out the door. A big part of me wanted to slam it as we left but I forced myself not to seeing as Jax wasn't full back yet, I didn't want to risk anything.
The march back to the cabin was silent. No one said a word and Jax shoved his face into Callum's chest.
When we finally got back to the cabin, Callum went to lay Jax down in his bed and give him some space but Jax's eyes only went wide as Callum went to pull away. His hands balled up in Callum's shirt as he pulled him back down on the bed. The shaking had started again. It seemed like this was going to be the pattern for the night.
Ryder and I only stared at the two from the other side of the room. Callum kept shooting us pitiful glances as if he could tell we wanted to be over there just as much as he did.
"I'm going to grab us some dinner real quick," I whispered, trying not to scare Jax but it seems I did anyway. He rolled over to us quickly with wide eyes, like he just realized that we were here as well.
Without a word, he reached out to both of us.
I was torn. On one hand, I really wanted to go lay down with him, but on the other, we really needed to eat tonight. It didn't take much convincing to get me to lie down though. The second Jax reached for him, Ryder was already heading towards the bed and without realizing it, I was only a few steps behind Ryder.
I'll admit the position wasn't great. Callum lay on his back near the wall; Jax was practically on top of him while also somehow spooning with Ryder. I was about to lie down in front of Ryder when Jax grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down to his legs so that I was laying on him the way he was laying on Callum.
I couldn't help but look up at Callum with a small smirk, knowing he was holding both of us right now but he didn't seem to mind as he began playing with Jax's hair.
As time passed the more Jax changed.
The shaking stopped for good. The tears disappeared. His jaw and fists unclenched. Little by little he relaxed until he was asleep.
"I'm going to kill Andrew."
Last updated April 10, 2021