Dammit, that kiss was something else. I'm surprised she even let me do it. Now I'm on this couch again with a boner and no relief in sight.
Damn her lips reacted to mine and I never dreamed she would open her mouth to me. She tasted like heaven and I won't push her but I need more when she's ready.
I get up and walk out back and sit down and breathe in some fresh air. God, I want a cigarette so bad.
I close my eyes and try to get the beautiful woman who is laying upstairs off of my mind.
I place my elbows on my knees and my hands behind my head. I never heard the door open or any footsteps until she sits down beside me. I caught a wif of her shampoo and looked up at her.
"Why are you out here Navy?"
"I needed some water and I wanted to check on you and you weren't on the couch so I figured you were out here. Are you ok?" She asked.
"Yeah couldn't sleep and come out for some fresh air," I said
She pulls her legs up in the seat and puts her shirt over her bare legs. "I don't want to get cold." She laughs.
"So what's got you up besides needing a drink of water?" I ask looking at her.
"Honestly?" She said.
"Of course Navy I want honesty," I said.
She turns to me. "Don't take this wrong but the kiss bothered me. Not in a bad way but it makes me feel guilty because I liked it so much. Am I tarnishing Gavin's name? Is it bad that I want to do it again?" She said.
She shocked me when she said she liked it and wanted to do it again because I most definitely wanted to but I was trying to listen to her and be calm.
I grab her hand and hold it between my own and rub on it. "Look I'm sorry if I confused you I didn't mean to do that but I wanted you to know how I was feeling."
"Kash I want to be excited and enjoy the kiss but then I feel like a horrible person. I mean I just lost Gavin a few months ago and in the back of my mind I'm thinking what Brenda said on the phone about already moving on." She sighed.
"Who here knows you to know anything about you besides Ivy and Des and the people in the support group? I don't think they would care Navy. They know we both have been suffering and almost from the same thing." I said.
"Can we take this extremely slow? Like go on dates every once in a while and you can stay over when you want and be exclusive?" She asked.
"Does that mean I can kiss you when I want?" I laugh.
"Not in front of people until I can come to terms with what is going on." She smiled.
I smirk and squeeze her hand... "Well, we are alone right now."
"Is that a way of you asking for a kiss?" She smiles.
"Maybe?" I smirk.
I watch her stand up and walk over and sit sideways on my lap. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her lips down to mine. When our lips touch again I can't even explain how it feels to me.
I pull her closer as I slip my tongue in her mouth. She more than welcomes it as she wraps her arms around my neck.
Once we stop she puts her forehead against mine. "Can we just keep this between us for now? I don't want Ivy or anyone to know because I'm carrying around guilt but my body is saying something else." She laughs.
"My body is definitely saying something else cant you feel it?" I laugh.
"I feel something but I don't want to move and make it worse. Plus I can't do anything about it and taking it slow I don't want to see it." She laughs.
"You don't even want to see it? Wow, our conversation took a turn. I will show you that tattoo one day though." I chuckle.
"Yeah, I do want to see that. But for right now no body parts showing or no doing anything beyond kissing. I really hope that's ok Kash." She said.
"It's fine with me as long as I get to spend time with you and Lanie and we can kiss. I haven't ever been in a relationship so it's an adjustment for me as well." I said rubbing down her back.
She smiles at me. "I guess we will grow and learn together then Kash."
"So tell me Navy why is your name a color of blue?" I ask.
"Because my mom loved the color and her dad was in the Navy and she loved the thought of it growing up. My mom's name was Gwendolyn and it's also my middle name and that's why Lanie has it as well." She said.
"I love the name it's very pretty," I said.
"What about you Kash how did you get that name and spelling?" She asked.
"My mom was a crack whore as you know and was high when she named me. Julian is my middle name and also my dad's name." I said.
"I would like to meet your dad at some point." She smiled.
"I told him about you and I told him that I would like him to meet you and Lanie and he's up for it," I said.
"I'm ready whenever you are. And no matter what Ivy asks we are just friends." She smiled.
"We are just friends. Friends with kissing benefits." I laugh.
"Speaking of that can I have another kiss before we go back to sleep?" I ask.
"You don't have to ask when we are in private. Just help me not to hate myself afterward, Kash." She said.
"I will make sure that you don't hate anything we do together," I said before pulling her into another kiss.