She hadn't even touched me down there yet and I could feel the moisture making my thighs wet. Dinah took off my shirt and smirked when she saw that I wasn't wearing anything underneath.
I was never the type to be shy about my body because I knew I was beautiful. But the way her eyes looked over my features as though I were a goddess and not merely the means to her sexual satisfaction sent shivers down my spine.
Normani worshipped the contours of my body with soft kisses from her lips and when she took her first tentative lick to acquaint herself with my center I shuddered in intense pleasure and whispered her name into the breeze.
I bit my lip to stop from making a sound when she entered me finally but the combination of her lips and fingers proved impossible to resist. It should have been embarrassing that I was so close to the edge so quickly but I was beyond caring.
"I love you," she murmured reverently. The sound of those words passing through her lips and the feel of her warm breath over my core was enough to drive me mad with enough desire to do something I never did in bed.
-
The piercing sound of my phone ringing cut through my dream and jolted me awake. I sat there for a while, my eyes open and my brain not quite capable of processing why. My heart was pounding, not in the way it does when I have nightmares, this was something else, born directly out of the brief but intimate moment that Normani and I shared a few days prior. It wasn't much; well it was actually. But it was the first time I felt hope that we could have a future.
Four Days Ago...
I gripped the bottle of wine tightly in my hands as I took the elevator up to Normani's apartment. When I look back now, apologizing to Normani was easier than apologizing to Louis. I didn't need to, he said as much after, but I didn't feel right wanting a future with Normani if I wasn't on good terms with.
Worst case scenario: he kicks you out and tells Normani that you're trying to use him to get to her. Even as the thought fully formulated itself, I knew it wasn't true. He might give me a hard time, but he was at least a polite asshole.
Still, I hesitated when I finally got to Normani's door. I remembered all the times I'd stood in front of it, specifically the day I'd graduated from having to wait for her to open it to having my own key.
–Flashback–
"Hey can we talk?" I asked as I collapsed onto the couch beside Normani. She rolled her eyes when I lay down with my head in her lap, but almost instinctively, her fingers tangled themselves in my hair.
"What's up?"
I reluctantly sat up, "We spend a lot of time together don't we?"
"Is this you telling me you're sick of me?" Her face fell and I instantly felt bad for not doing this in a more romantic setting so she'd understand that it wasn't anything bad.
"No it's not. I was just pointing out that we spend a lot of time together and we spend a lot of it here. I'm not trying to rush you into anything you're not ready for but yesterday you were stuck waiting outside in the cold for me and I don't like that."
"Okay now I'm confused."
I took the little box out of my pocket with the key to my apartment. "It's the key to my—"
"–You're not sick of me?"
"No baby, I love spending time with you."
"Good because I love spending time with you too. Funny thing though, I was planning to give you a key to my place too."
–
The door opened suddenly and Louis let out a high pitched scream. "Dinah why are you so close to the door! Can you even pull your arm back to knock?"
"Sorry," I mumbled. "Hi?"
"No, you almost gave me a heart attack. No, "hi," for you." He put a hand over his chest and shook his head. "Mani isn't here. She left a while ago actually, you can wait, but I'm not sure when she'll be back."
"That's good actually because I came here to talk to you and I was hoping Normani wouldn't be here. It's about you and I. Us."
"Oh." It was almost fascinating to watch Louis process what I was trying to say. He crossed his arms and frowned. "Is this an enemies to lovers thing? Because Mani's my friend and she's in love with you."
"What?"
"You wanted to talk about us?"
The crease in my brow deepened, "Oh no, not that you're not a catch but no."
Louis stepped aside to let me in. He walked over to the couch and gestured for me to sit beside him, his frown deepening with each moment that I didn't tell him exactly why I was there. We sat there for a while, talking for the sake of keeping the conversation going because heaven forbid there be a pause.
When he'd finally had enough, he asked, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just was hoping that we could talk about something without Normani here. She's not, well it's my fault really. But we're in this weird space. Friends but not friends if that makes sense, anyway... she's not here and that's what I was hoping for."
"What do you want to talk about?" The apprehension in his voice made me unnecessarily nervous.
"It's nothing bad. It's just..." I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. "I've been doing some thinking, and I realize that I haven't always been fair to you. You were always a good friend, not just to Normani but to me when I was still in her life. And my own insecurities didn't allow me to see that you really never wanted to be anything more to her."
His relief was palpable, and had I not been relieved by his reaction, it would have been funny that he was behaving like a child that was about to get into trouble for something he couldn't remember having even done.
Louis suddenly sat up straighter and tilted his head as he studied me. "Why now?"
"It's long overdue."
"Give me more credit than that."
"She's... I'm in love with her."
"Have you told her? Have you told your boyfriend? That's something he should probably know right?""
"No, and we broke up. I broke up with him so there's no boyfriend."
He frowned. "Wait, do you want my blessing? You don't need to apologize and you definitely don't need my approval but I'll give it if you want it."
"No that isn't really what I came for. I just wanted to apologize. You're her family, you and Noah and I'm glad she had and still has you around."
"Then I accept your apology, but before you go about fixing things with her, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You understand what it means to be with her now right?"
I frowned, "I'm not sure I follow."
"You'd be asking her and as well as Noah and I to make space for you in our lives. Whatever plans you have for your future should it include Mani, you have to think about Noah and the plans that Normani and I might have for him. Is this something you really want?"
"If this is something that I want, how would you feel about it?"
"I'd say it's about damn time."
"Speaking of Noah—"
"–He's taking a nap, the little diva."
When I realized that I was still holding the wine, I thrust it at him. "This was for you, in case you wanted to throw me out or something."
"You have such little faith in me. It's disappointing." He stood and went to the kitchen. "You should stay for dinner actually. I think Choie and Alex are coming over. And Miche is in town so she'll be here too."
"Oh no I couldn't, they probably hate me. I don't know why you don't."
He took two glasses out and poured the wine into them as soon as he sat down. "I don't hate you being I saw through your whole façade. They don't hate you because they don't know."
"She didn't tell them?"
"No she didn't, surprised me too because she tells Choie and Miche everything now."
"Even when she's going to the bathroom," we both said at the same time before we started laughing.
Louis took a sip from his glass as he studied me. "She didn't even tell her Mom. I guess she doesn't want any of them hating you."
Hope planted itself firmly in my chest before I could stop it from taking root. I could feel it radiating throughout my entire body. Logically, my mind knew it couldn't really know for sure that Normani still saw a future with me. But that didn't stop me from feeling optimistic.
With the elephant in the room reduced to the tiniest of atoms, we spoke with ease, occasionally even teasing each other. When Noah woke up, Louis agreed to let me be the one to get him, perhaps as a means of testing me himself.
He stopped crying as soon as I picked him up and I saw it for a moment. His first birthday, his first steps, his first word. I saw Normani smiling and reassuring him when he came home with an almost perfect score on his spelling test. She gave him that smile that was reserved only for him and I smiled because seeing her happy made me happy, even if it wasn't because of me.
"So he's up," I said when I got downstairs. "And I don't think he's going back to sleep any time soon are you?"
"It's 'cause he knows his friend's coming over don't you bud?" Louis stood and went to the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with a bib and a blueberry puree. "Do you want to or...?"
"I can, if you don't mind?"
He shrugged, "Sure. Anyway, tell me when you knew that you love her, Mani I mean?"
"She hugged me and stuff clicked into place."
"That's boring, what about the first time?"
–Flashback–
I sighed when I walked into my apartment and found rose petals scattered all over the floor. I'd had one of those days where I couldn't see it for the romantic gesture that it was. All I could see was a mess that I would have to clean up eventually.
Normani grinned when she came out of my room. "Hey, I made dinner and— you had a bad day. I'm sorry I'll—"
"–No don't apologize, it's not your fault. I'll just change then we can have dinner."
"No,' she waved me off, "You don't have to force yourself to be okay. I'll get out of your hair."
"I don't want you to go. I just— please can we cuddle on the couch and eat way too much ice cream?"
Normani smiled, "Sure, I'll go and change."
An hour later, Normani had given up on her ice cream, insisting that it was only making her colder. She had switched to giving a foot massage with her now freezing hands.
"Babe stop, I'm trying to massage your feet."
"Your hands are cold though."
She waved me off, "I jumped off a plane for you, you can take cold hands."
In the years to come, I would look back on this night and realized that this was the night I stopped trying to fight my feelings for her.
–
"You should probably include that when you tell her how you feel."
"What?"
He shrugged as he took a sip of his drink, "You are going to tell her how you feel aren't you?"
"I mean yeah, eventually—"
"–You're going to be 50 by the time you decide to actually be together," He shook his head in mock disgust. "I rebuke this spirit of procrastination or whatever it is."
I rolled my eyes, "Noah tell your dad to stop being dramatic."
We settled back into a comfortable silence and Louis told me when Normani texted to let him know that she was downstairs. "Alright I gotta help her. You'll be fine with Noah right?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
Normani
"Hey sorry I took so long, let me grab those for you." He took almost everything out of the backseat and left me to carry the food.
"Is Noah up?" I asked once we stepped out of the elevator.
"Yeah, remind me to make more of the blueberry puree. I think that's his current favorite."
"It's a good thing I decided to pick some up. You know I had to go to like three different stores just to find that dip that you like but..." The last thing I expected to see when I walked into my apartment was Dinah looking up at me from where she sat on my couch and Noah sitting comfortably in her lap. "I found it. Hey."
"Hey, I uhm—"
"–I invited her," Louis said quickly, he walked past me and left everything he was carrying down in the kitchen. "She's great with Noah. Calmed him down in record time. She uh brought that wine over, and I was going to wait, but I didn't. So we're drinking it. I'll pour you a glass."
I smiled involuntarily when I noticed that the look on Dinah's face mirrored how I felt since he started talking. "It's okay, let me just put this stuff away and get changed."
He ended up coming back to take everything from me, most likely in a bid to get away. Usually, Noah would start reaching for me as soon as he saw me; I tried not to let it get to me that he seemed perfectly content to stay where he was for the moment.
"Okay I guess I'll go upstairs."
It didn't take me long to decide on a sweater and leggings, but I wanted to delay being with Dinah as long as I could. Why would he invite her? I sat on the edge of my bed, now dressed in my underwear and bra, trying to figure out why she would even agree to come. Sure we were more than civil since our conversation in my office, sometimes even friendly; maybe she wanted us to be friends again?
–Flashback–
"She apologized to me two days ago and it felt different. Like you know when you know that someone means it and they're actually going to change for real. But I swear she's giving whiplash and I'm tired—"
"–Are you?" Dr Sullivan tilted her head to study me. "You've told me all about Dinah Jane, and although I know how you feel, I don't actually know what you want Normani."
I sighed, "What do you mean? I told you what I wanted."
"If I take spending the rest of your life with her, what do you want?"
The silence that settled over us was awkward. I stood and began pacing, suddenly aware of the cars in the distance and the general hustle and bustle of New York city around us.
"I don't know."
"Don't you?"
I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. "If we can't be friends, then guess I just want to be friends, and I know she wants to be but I don't know how or where to start. And it's not like she's made any effort since that conversation either."
Dr Sullivan put her notebook down and leaned forward, hands clasped in front of her. "It's been two days Normani. But let's say that she does want to make the effort. Have you made her feel comfortable enough to try?"
–
A knock on the door jolted me out of my memories. "Come in," I mumbled, not caring that I was still barely dressed.
"Hey, oh shit, I mean feces, no poo. I'm sorry." When I turned around, Dinah was facing the door and Noah was squirming in her arms. I quickly put my clothes on.
"You can turn around now."
Dinah took a few tentative steps forward, at which point, Noah started actively reaching for me. "I'm sorry, again. I didn't mean—"
"–It's okay Dinah Jane. Is anyone else here?"
"Choie and Miche are downstairs, Alex is here too. They're arguing about which movie to watch." She started to walk away when she stopped suddenly and faced me. "I can go if you don't want me here."
Have you made her feel comfortable enough to try?
"No, stay. I'll be down in a few minutes."
A small smile broke out on Dinah's face. "Okay, see you in a few minutes."
I looked down at Noah as soon as she was gone and mumbled, "Je t'aime, but you're a traitor chéri."
Dinah
Normani sat next to me, and Noah actually tried to move out of his mother's lap and into my arms. The only other person he loved as much was Choie which wasn't much of a surprise, but it did make me feel a measure of comfort. At least he would be on my side.
A few movies later, it was bed time for the boys. Although I was perfectly content to let Noah sleep in my arms, I didn't want to mess up whatever system Normani and Louis had, so I reluctantly gave him to Louis when it was time.
"You're doing amazing sweetie," He whispered, eyes briefly flicking to Normani before he looked at me again.
"Oh I wasn't trying to—"
"–Hey it's okay, I'm not judging," He grinned.
Once Caleb and Noah were asleep, the lights were dimmed and someone suggested we watch a horror, Hereditary to be specific.
"Nah pick something else, I've already seen it," Normani answered, glancing at me as she spoke.
"Then you can warn us about the jump scares."
Normani shook her head and looked at me again, "Please pick something else? I had nightmares after that movie, I'm not looking to have a repeat."
I reached out across the space between us, which although not much was still intentional. Normani looked down at my hand before her eyes moved to my face. "Thank you."
She waved me off, "It's okay. Alex pick an action movie or a thriller or something."
We watched two more and I fell asleep toward the end of the second movie since I had already seen it multiple times. Normani only shook me awake when the lights were back on.
"Hansen, it's late—"
"–Oh shit yeah, I should probably get going."
"No you can't leave now, my mother would kill me if she ever found out," the look on Normani's face was a dare to challenge her. "Stay."
"I couldn't—"
"–Then I'll take you home." I shook my head. "So you're staying, amazing."
Louis opted to head back to his apartment, so Choie, Alex and I got the guest rooms and Miche was staying in Normani's room. I stayed downstairs to help Normani clear up before bed.
"Oh no you don't have to—"
"–I'll be on pick up duty and you load the dishwasher?" I offered.
She eventually conceded and we began working in silence. Every time I glanced up at her, Normani seemed to be lost in thought. When I was done in the living room, I went to the kitchen to help her; part of me hoped that she'd choose to start a conversation with me, but she didn't, and I didn't have the courage to.
"Why don't you head upstairs and grab something from my closet to sleep in? I can finish up here."
"Sure."
I decided on a t-shirt and went to the free guest room. As soon as I got into bed, I began drifting in and out of consciousness and random images floated through my thoughts, all too blurry for me to focus on one. The sound of a door closing temporarily pulled me back into the real world, but after a moment, I was lost again.
I had no clue how much time had past, only that I felt a presence hovering over me. Naturally, my first thoughts were full of fear, I expected it to be something or someone from my nightmares. My mind eventually registered that it wasn't; the hands that brushed my face were soft, gentle even as though I were a hallucination that could disappear if prodded too hard. And the scent. The last thing I could remember smelling before I fell asleep was the citrusy scent that lingered in the guest bathroom. This was a scent that was both intoxicating and calming and I willed myself to go back to sleep so she wouldn't stop.
I finally opened one eye even though I already knew that it would be Normani looking down at me when I did. She retracted her hand as soon as she saw that I was awake. I sat up quickly, trying to fix my hair and pull the t-shirt, her t-shirt down to cover more of my legs. Her eyes automatically moved to my bare legs before she looked away.
"Hey is everything okay?" I could feel wisps of my hair refusing to lie down even as I ran my palms over them.
She reached up to brush my hair out of my face. "Yeah, you were just— this room is colder than the others at night so I brought you a blanket."
"Oh thank you, it's not so bad though."
"Take it anyway, just in case."
Between her hand holding mine, her thumb caressing my hand tenderly and the unfathomable look on her face, my mind went blank. Her eyes flicked down to my lips and I felt myself leaning in, almost instinctively. The sudden sound of laughter from the next room cleared whatever haze had settled over us. Normani let go of my hand and stood from the bed. She still insisted on draping the blanket on top of the covers.
Thankfully, Normani spoke again; well I was thankful until I heard what she said.
"How's Aiden?"
"Uh..." Just tell her. "We broke up, so I don't know. But I think he's probably okay, at least he looks okay on IG."
She frowned, "Are you okay? What happened?"
"I'm fine, I was never going to fall in love with him and it wasn't fair to stay with him knowing that."
"Well I'm glad you're okay."
Present Day...
I could tell that my mother's head was reeling by the time I was done telling her about everything that had happened, from the break up right up until now, sans the sex dreams.
"I'm sorry if this makes things bad with the family again, but I can't do it Mama. I can't live a lie. I have people that love me, for me, with no conditions or expectations and they've proven it time and time again. I'm not going to spend all my time focusing on people who might love me."
"I know baby, I know," she sighed heavily. "It sounds like your mind is made up."
"Does that upset you?"
She laughed, "You're stubborn, your father says you got it from me."
"You're not mad."
"I'm not, have you figured out how you're going to tell her."
"I have, but she might not listen and I've made peace with the fact that I ruined everything—"
"–Bullshit. You're making excuses. If you want her, make her listen. Otherwise, don't bother."
I changed the subject. Mom stayed on the phone with me until I fell asleep. Lauren and Beck showed up at my door in the morning to make sure I didn't chicken out of actually doing it. The ride to work was silent and as soon as I got to my desk at the office, I put my headphones in and hankered down, only stopping for the pitch meeting and a few interviews that I needed for my articles.
I waited until the end of the day, when most people were gone to go to Normani's office. Instead of meeting me for drinks when it was done, Beck and Lauren insisted on waiting, probably because we were all scared it would go wrong.
"Come in," Normani said before I had a chance to knock. "What's up?"
"I uh, I have this article. It's not for digital, but it's really important and I was hoping I could get a second opinion from the best editor I know."
She rolled her eyes as a smile broke out on her face. "It's in an envelope? Why all the fanfare?"
"Magazine's old school. Promise me you'll read it only when I'm gone and that you'll read it to the end."
"I always read your articles to the end."
I held my pinky up, "Promise me."
She straightened up immediately and any hint of laughter that had been in her eyes disappeared as she stood. After taking the envelope from me and placing it on her desk, she pinky promised.
–Flashback–
"Okay I have to go," Normani said as she stood. "I promised I'd meet my aunt to go over some stuff. Don't watch the rest without me okay."
I smiled, well aware that it was mischievous and that I inspired no confidence whatsoever that I wouldn't watch it. Normani tilted her head and gave me a look.
"Promise me."
"Okay fine, I promise I won't watch."
She held up her pinky and I almost burst out laughing when I saw it, but something about the look in her eyes made me stop. "Are you serious."
"Deadly," she answered. "Choie and I pinky promised that we'd always be best friends no matter how angry we became with each other and look at us now. That shit is legit."
"You mean to tell me that the Normani Hamilton uses pinky promises a foundations of trust."
"You can't break a pinky promise, that shit is legit and can be legally binding. Promise me."
She relaxed when I finally did. "Okay I'll see you later beautiful."
–
Lauren and Beck gave me identical looks of confusion when I walked out of Normani's office. "Is it done? That quickly? How do you feel? What do you need?"
"I need a drink, something weird that I've never had before. And I need to not think about her."
"Done."
-
A/n: has anyone else seen The Haunting of Bly Manor because whew!