Dreams Over Reality

Feelin' Lovely

Hey I see you there looking lovely.
But you can't imagine the shit going on inside me.
Can I get a hug please?
No longer feeling these emotions because everyone got me fucked up.
I'm overthinking again and reality is that in my head we broke up.
My moment of clarity comes quick but it's then overshadowed by deceit.
I grabbed a knife to cut open the lies but they kept coming in to creep.
Why can I ever stay happy for long?
It's like karma's hitting me three times over for mistakes I've known were wrong.
I've made my peace, I've stopped my lies but suddenly the world things otherwise.
I can't tell you how I really feel anymore because it's the same inside and out.
The longer it lingers in my mind, the more I begin to doubt.
If I could kill myself tomorrow the deed would be done.
But somehow I don't want the devil to think that he won.
It's like a spark in my heart that fires a vision in my head.
That I can't wish myself more than just being dead.
There's no longer being sane, it's just finding ways to nullify the pain.
No matter how many pills I swallow and consume,
It's like I'm forced to stay alive to witness this coming doom.
I want to wish this negative cloud away but the world won't let it manifest.
I really want to believe that I'm doing my best.
The longer I live it's like the longer I have to suffer.
And it doesn't help this fucking anxiety is caused to buffer.
But I promise I'll tell you that I'm okay.
Just so you don't have to worry throughout the day.
But I can't tell you how I really feel deep inside.
Because it's like some form of stupid pride.
I want to figure it out within my own mind.
But there's no real answer to find.
I pray I'll last another five years but I can't promise that truthfully.
And I don't know why I'm stuck in my head when there's a different reality.
All I know is that I'm sure in hell I'll be feeling lovely.