Dreams Over Reality

Was it that dream last night?

That empty pit in my stomach Is it that pain from my heart
That jump starts
My anxiety
And kick starts propriety
Or is it the fact I haven't eaten for days straight
And I fucking hate
The fact that one slice
Or half plate of rice
Fills me up
And I'm losing weight
It's fucked up
But even worse are my traits
At the end of the day
I can't begin to stay
Asleep because my fucking dreams are haunting
It's fucking daunting
That it wakes me in cold sweats
Like fuck that I think I'll use the rain checks
I've saved over the years
Because I can't keep going to sleep in tears
And it's ruining my mental
That shits been fractured; it's gentle
And my teeth are grinding—need dental
But I'm going fucking insane
And the pit in my stomach is like an energy drain
My mood swings high in the day
But low in the night and I'm grabbing the knife because I don't wanna stay
Alive for another memory burned in my soul
Especially when I'd rather speak about them when we're old
Not fighting and bickering about my inability to express my issues
I misuse
My anger for problems that don't start with you
It's true
And I take the blame for all the fucking problems we've had
Maybe they're right and I'm the apple turned bad
But I'm sorry
For all the pain that I've caused
in this starry—sky that I've paused
And now the beauty of the world doesn't seem right without you
But I'm painfully trying to call out to you
I don't wanna bug anymore but the dreams tell me otherwise
And each dream tells me that I'm the one who dies
Not you
So stop crying to the moon
Sometimes I feel my heart beat again when I see that smile
But the anxiety spikes and I can't eat for a while
And I hate this is how shit has compiled
but reality catches up to me
And I'm constantly
Feeling regrets for not being openly
More loving and caring
Because I always feel like I'm daring
The world to end what we have, or had
I don't know
But I'm not leaving until that boat
Drags me to hell
And I'm stuck ringing the bell
For the ferryman to come and satan tortures me for eternity
For me being carelessly
In love
Fuck.