Dreams Over Reality

Convo 2: Stability

How do you enjoy life?

It's fine...I never really thought about it honestly. I kinda feel like I was forced into life and it's my fault.

Your fault? Though you were forced?

Yes. Mhmm, I feel as though I was put here and it was my fault. Reasoning behind it is just a feeling I have strongly in my body. I never put a thought into it or I might fall prone to it being real.

Interesting...and how's your family?

I can't really say. I fit with them well, but I feel as though we are living in completely different worlds. They have their ways and actions, and I have mine. It's not that they don't mix well, but it's still a bit watery.

You still love them though?

Of course I love them. I don't know how much though. You can't really tell how much you love family because they are thrown into your life. You aren't given a choice to take or leave them, like I said, they are thrown into our lives and we are forced with a family to love from the start. You say you love them, but in reality you don't really know for sure.

Okay. It seems that, here, you are having murderous thoughts?

I will tell you only because I trust you.

You're secrets are safe with me.

I have had these thoughts for a long time. They grew more and more graphic as time went on. I like the thought of killing people, yes, but I will never actually do it. I know it's wrong in so many ways possible. I began to show my feeling with wanting to kill people and the surrounding friends and family have been catching on to it. They seem to see my struggles with it, not that it's a problem to them at all.

So would you ever?

No, never in my life would I actually kill someone...at least I don't know.

Do you enjoy hurting people?

To be completely honest with you...yes. I do, and it's not the pain that they show when attacked but it's the feeling of weight being thrown off. I enjoy just hitting things when I'm pissed off...so I might be able to kill someone if I am pissed to the point of it.

It's okay and I understand. How would you kill someone, given the chance?

I have enjoyed watching people slowly die in movies and video games. So the first thing I would do, is slit their throat. A mix of slow death and painful pleasure. I get sorta queasy when dealing with buckets of blood...and I guess it's a contradiction when it comes to that.

No...continue.

I would probably stare into their eyes as their life is being taken from them. It's sadistic, but it just feels right...y'know?

No...I don't know, but I can understand.

Yeah, people just don't get the mindset I have...I like death in general, and I want to kill. I also find beating wrong though. If you're going to hit someone, might as well just kill them. A fight won't settle differences.

So you'd die instead of get beat and live?

Depends what I did, small stuff shouldn't be accounted for. Violence shouldn't happen if I stole a car, it should happen if I burned down a house or broke someone mentally. I will die if I honestly need to.

Last question: What would a quote for you be?

You don't know how to live, until you've accepted death...then you will make life count.

Thank you for your time.

No problem. It's a journey, honestly.