Drive Me Crazy

chapter thirty one

I decided to ditch the rest of my school day. I walked up the hill alone and sat at the bus stop with not a single tear in my eyes. I flung my backpack to the floor and put my head in my hands.

Surprisingly I didn't feel like crying. I was just angrily resigned if anything.

I knew this would happen and I was just mad that for a second I believed it wouldn't.

The bus pulled up and I took an indrawn breath. I pulled myself up on the platform and then I remembered. I hadn't been on the bus since November.

The bus driver stared at me like I was a nut job before I quickly rushed to scan my card.

I didn't know anyone on this bus so there were no greetings or pleasantries. I sat down and looked around like someone I knew would pop out of somewhere. When no one did I turned to the window counting down the minutes until I could leave.

About a block down from my house I got off the bus and once it drove away I sat down on the bench trying to get myself together. It was something about being on that bus that made me extremely panicked and I hated it.

I started walking home after a minute and when I unlocked the door I skidded my backpack across the ground and wandered over to the carpet where I laid down on the floor.

I could hear my mother's footsteps coming towards me from down the hall and I was not ready to be bombarded with questions.

She peered over at me and made a confused face. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at school."

"I needed to come home." I said softly.

She looked me up and down. "You're acting really strange Charlotte. What's going on?"

I tapped my fist on the ground. "I think Jordan broke up with me," I whispered.

Her face softened. "Baby-"

"Mom," I said, interrupting. "You're going to make me cry."

"It's okay to cry," she reminded me.

I sighed.

She sat on the floor next to me before stretching out and laying next to me.

"You've had a hard couple of months," she noted casually.

I gripped the carpet beneath my fingers. Who was she telling?

"And I feel like we haven't had a good talk in a while and I know things are hard but I miss you Charlie."

I shut my eyes. "Mom," I whispered.

"Will you talk to me please?" She asked while holding my hand.

I stared at the ceiling in silence trying to find the right words. I turned to the side and swallowed loudly before I mustered up the strength to say the words out loud.

"I rode the bus today."

My mom squeezed my hand.

"It was horrible. I was panicking the whole time. It felt wrong but so familiar at the same time."

She hummed in understanding. "That makes a lot of sense honey."

"Why?"

"Because your safety net was pulled out from under you."

I was deep breathing. "What does that mean?"

"Well I'm not saying there hasn't been struggles or pain in your life but your father and I work hard to make life as easy and as smooth as possible for you and your brother because we want you to take advantage of your childhood.