Drive Me Crazy

chapter twenty four

Do you ever do dumb shit, know you're doing dumb shit but still can't get yourself to stop doing dumb shit? Yeah, me too.

Only this time I know why I'm doing dumb shit but for some reason still I can't find it in me to stop because I'm an idiot.

My phone buzzed and slowly I reached over to grab it. It was Harper. She had sent another text and unfortunately for her that text was joining the other left on read texts I received from her and Jordan.

I knew they knew and right now I also knew I did not want to talk about it. Which is why I threw my phone across the room and rolled over.

It was Saturday morning and I was currently staring out the window.

It was cold. Lake Michigan made sure of that. The heat was running through my house and into my skin and I was completely and utterly sated. I was comfortable. But, the sharp cold air immediately stole it away.

At noon I found myself trudging towards the mailbox. I walked through the snow and held the mail in my hands. I sorted through, looking for my letter.

I found it and held it between my thumb and pointer finger. It seemed light, which was a bad sign. Still, I shoved the letter under my shirt and walked back into the house.

I set the mail down on the table and went back up to my room. I pulled the letter out and stared at all my other accepted letters. Georgetown was the last one left and that was the one that mattered the most.

I held the letter up to the light and tried to get a clue as to what was inside. I wanted to hear that yes but I knew that wasn't going to be the case. But as long as I didn't know for sure, I could remain calm.

The past few weeks of waiting I was so sure that I was going to get in and as all of my other schools welcomed me with open arms I started to get complacent. I started planning my life around it.

How I would move to D.C., how I would experience the nightlife, the parties, the city, all the friends I would make.

I got lost in the fantasy even though I warned myself not to and now I knew shit was not going to go well for me. With tears in my eyes I started peeling back the flap to take the paper out.

I dropped the envelope to the floor and slowly unwrapped the paper. And as soon as I saw the words, we are sorry to inform you, I crunched the paper up and threw it.

The tears fell faster now. And even though I would have liked to believe that I was just hurt over this one thing I knew it was more.

I was hurt because someone in my family had died. I was hurt because I didn't get into my dream school and I was hurt because in 4 months everything I knew was going to be gone.

Harper was going to make new, probably better friends. And Jordan was going to be a star basketball player. He was going to have girls at his feet and why would he choose me over them? Love wouldn't be enough to keep us together. Not as dumb high school kids. They were going to go on to live life and I didn't know if I could say the same.

And even though all of this stung, I knew I needed this. Georgetown's rejection reminded me how sweet dreams are. And how painful the world actually is.

A/N: Hi, Y'all, its Renee reporting live. Thanks for reading even though I've been absent for a bit.

A few reminders.

-Black lives matter

-Relax your jaw

-drink some water

-take some time to unplug from the world because it is traumatic

-Stay safe and stay kind. It shouldn't take a celebrity death for us to remember to be kind but it needs to be said. We've all got a hidden battle. Make things easier, not harder.