Drive Me Crazy

chapter thirty

Next week I was sitting at Mrs. McCalister's kitchen table, venting about my love life. Again.

"So that's good. You talked to him about your insecurities." She said.

I pushed air through my teeth. "It might have made it worse."

"How so?"

"I mean now I know this isn't over for us but it still feels like it is. I can't help but feel that those are just empty promises with no meaning. I want to zoom through time and make sure that 50 years down the line we're still happy and together but I can't. And any other guy I felt this way about I could imagine having the strength to put myself back together, but Jordan? If we don't work out I feel like it'll destroy me."

"Oh honey," she said while rubbing my knee.

"And I know it sounds dramatic but when your fantasies turn into reality it feels unreal. So amazing that you forget what your old life was like because your new life is so much brighter and better and I just can't get used to this."

She made a noise in the back of her throat before sipping her coffee. "Don't self sabotage because you're afraid Charlie. It won't hurt anybody but you. Life can be hard but every once in a while it's kind. Give into the feeling and take advantage of life's kindness. And if it doesn't end up the way you want you'll be fine. I know it doesn't feel that way now but you will be. Men aren't the end all be all."

"I know that I don't depend on him but it's just like what's the point of trying."

She thought about it before speaking.

"Maybe it's the chance at love even if it's for a short time. Maybe it'll teach you some crucial life lessons. Maybe it's just meant to be."

I took in a deep breath. "Sometimes things that are meant to be are really sucky."

Ray came to our minds. She squeezed my knee.

"I miss him too," she said.

***

Margot, Elyse, Harper and I were standing next to my locker before last period. We were in the middle of talking about our hangout for this weekend when Jordan came out of nowhere and started dragging me away.

I was laughing while trying to escape his grip until he told me that if I didn't come willingly he was going to carry me.

I ignored the traitorous butterflies in my stomach and decided on rolling my eyes while I followed behind him stupidly.

We snuck past a classroom and went into this abandoned computer lab before he shut the door.

And then I stared at him with a grin on my face.

"Is this where you kill me now?"

"Shut up," he said before gripping my ass.

I stood on my tiptoes to meet his mouth before he grabbed my thighs and lifted me for easier access.

2 minutes later the bell rang and I wriggled my way back to the ground trying to catch my breath. I stumbled a bit and Jordan's arms went around me to steady me.

My hands went to my hair and I cursed.

"Does my hair look bad?" I asked.

He made a face that told me all I needed to know. I shoved him off me before turning to look at my reflection in the mirror.

I flicked him off and got to work putting my hair back up before someone could guess what we were doing.

Once it was back up I fixed my shirt and smiled and followed him out the door.