Turning the Tables [Shoto Todoroki X Reader] - PART 2

Chapter 74: It terrified me

It terrified me.

Every time it came, it stayed longer, and it became harder to imagine life ever being anything but the hollowness inside.

It became harder to find any reason for life to continue.

It terrified me.

Sometimes I wondered if a day would come that it never left or loosened its grip.

If a day would come when it finally took me over.

What would I be then?

I didn't know.

It terrified me.

I tried to push my thoughts away as they tightened their grip on my mind.

I wished I could go to sleep. But then my memories would haunt me in my dreams, where I couldn't stop them.

It hurt to be awake.

It hurt to sleep.

It hurt to try.

It terrified me.

Chai squirmed her way out of my now-a-death-grip that I had on her.

I let her go, and she scampered away, before slowly creeping back to curl up next to me.

I barely noticed, dropping my head to watch my hand as I mindlessly clenched and unclenched my fingers.

My eyes focused on my scaled right arm, and an ugly feeling spread within me.

I recalled an old memory.

The day that my parents stopped removing my scales.

Not because they found the good within themselves to stop— no, of course not. Because they could no longer get the knife in between my scales. The torturous experience of having my scales pulled off repeatedly caused my scales to grow back more harder and more tightly fitted together.

The repeated pain caused my body to fix the chinks in its armour.

Then I thought about another time.

Alone in the kitchen in the middle of the night, when both my parents were asleep.

A blade from the drawer in my hand, as I tried to dig the scales off myself.

The thought that maybe, just maybe, I could get them off myself.

That, maybe if I cut them off, and didn't let them grow back, my parents might love me just a little.

Who needs their love anyways?

I do.

It terrified me.

My hand crawled up my shirt to clutch at the fabric above my heart, partially to get my arm out of my sight, and partially to dig my fingers into the skin there.

Hoping that the pain of my claws would distract me from the voices in my head that seemed to get louder and louder with every breath I took.

Maybe if I stop breathing... they'll shut up.

I pressed my eyes shut, tightening my fingers into my flesh.

Please... please be quiet.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to scream so loudly.

I wanted to cry until it all went away.

I wanted to hit something, to break something.