Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I'm dying.
And I know I don't have much time left.
I sat in a professional office, the sound of the metronome clicking back and forth over and over again. In front of me was my psychologist, a man who I often saw when I was in university. Lee Jeno, his reading glasses perched on his nose as he tried to do his job- except that I never had to pay for my sessions.
But you see, when you're dying, you tend to want to leave a mark everywhere.
You want people to remember you, you get scared of oblivion. So, I try to make connections. I buy flowers for the cleaning lady of my apartment building every Sunday. A different flower every week and now I'm running out of ideas what to give her.
At least when I die, she'll remember me as the one who always gave her flowers.
I try to help people as much as I can; recycling their trash for them and watering their plants. And I can see that they wonder why I do it but they let me do it anyway. To them, I might be the strange person who recycles trash for them but to me, I want them to wonder about my absence.
And every Monday, I come to see Lee Jeno in his office, a well-known psychologist who is married to the youngest daughter of the Kim family. He recognized me at first glance, asking me if I studied at SM University. Lee Jeno was always known to be very observative.
I was always around SMU, a pencil in hand with a notebook as I watched all of them live their lives.
And I came to the conclusion that if I couldn't fall in love, at least I could write about it. I drew and wrote. Researching their lives as I went and listening to the grapevine, I wrote stories about them.
And today was the day I'd show it to someone else.
"So based on last week's session, I know you are depressed," Jeno said and I tried my hardest not to scoff.
"Bro, I'm dying." was all I said.
Last week he made me take a test. It was supposedly to see if I was anywhere near mentally unstable and I don't have to guess what I got. The questions were simple: Rather be asleep than awake? Check. Feel a loss in motivation in general? Check. Drastic changes in eating habits? Check, but it may because of my heart, not depression.
