The Mysterious Book Of Alia Madriana | COMPLETED

Kabanata 24: RAIN KISS

WIND blew me as I swift into a deadly turning long followed by a jumping turning forty-five. I stepped back and raised my front leg then immediately threw a back punch, full of anger and hatred.

Hindi ako tumigil. Sa bawat galaw ko ay bunubuhos ko ang lahat ng aking lakas kasabay nang malakas na pagbuhos ng malamig na ulan sa aking katawan. I'm pushing my limits. All that I can take, I'm giving it, yet, it's not enough.

It's been an hour since I woke up with this deep scar in my soul. I know I need a rest but my mind needs to move to burn the anxiety and sadness right away. Ito lang ang tanging paraan na naiisip ko para panandalian kong makalimutan ang lahat. Without exercise my mind will keep me up all night long, without this my body will spiral into exhaustion.

Lumapat ang mga paa ko sa lupa kasabay nang pagkuyom ng aking kamao. Madiin ko 'tong sinarado na halos tusukin na ng aking kuko ang aking balat pailalim.

I watched every rain fall, pouring down as if a tiny particle moving slowly. The crystalline drops kept on whispering at me. Sinundan ko ang pagpatak ng ulan pababa at sa paglapat nito at tuluyang pagkalusaw sa lupa, muli akong umikot kasabay ng pagpapakawala ko ng malakas na sipa.

Marahas akong bumagsak sa lupa nang mawalan ako ng balanse. Unang tumuon ang kamay ko kasunod ang aking tuhod hanggang sa napaupo na lamang ako.

Rain then again kissed my skin as I made the disaster landing. Sa pagkabagsak kong ito ay tuluyang kumawala ang mga luhang pilit kong pinipigilan at tinatago. Hindi dahil sa sakit na naramdaman ko sa pagbagsak... but because of the biggest disaster I landed.

"Ahh!" I shouted, full of different emotion that were coming together. "Bakit?!"

Nilabas ko lahat pero alam kong hindi sapat. Sumigaw ako ng sumigaw pero alam kong walang tutugon. Binuhos ko ang lahat pero alam kong wala na.

"Why it has to be me?!"

Bakit kailangang maging ako pa? Wala akong makitang sapat na rason para mapili sa nais nilang mangyari. Wala akong kwenta...

"What did I do wrong to deserve a life like this?!"

All my life I'm just living to the way I wanted. A peaceful life, far from those people who would hurt me... far from being attached to someone because I know they're also gonna leave. I just want to be normal and ordinary. I don't want anything of this. I didn't do anything to deserve this.

"Why do they have to die for me?!"

What hurt me the most? It is when... when I'm just watching people die in front of me and I can't do anything. It hurts seeing them dying because of me. Shit!

I lay down and greeted the rain. Wala akong pakialam kung basing-basa na ako. Hinihiling ko na lang na sana lamunin na ako nito. And if the rain is one drop of millions, I hope it could wash everything anew from me.

I'd like to temporarily dislocate my spirit from my body and ask God to take me out for just a short while, let my soul go wherever it wanted to go. I just don't wanna feel the process of recovery all over again. Paulit-ulit... pabalik-balik... at ayaw ko na...

I closed my eyes as I felt the shiver down to my spine, soak in the calm peace of nature. I experience each drop, together and apart, same and different. The droplets were soaking my eyelashes before they join their brethren on the ground of salty tears.

"Alia... Ergo got his body."

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung paano gumalaw at tila nalimutan ko kung paano magsalita. Walang luhang pumatak sa mga mata ko at 'yon ang pinagsisihan ko na hindi ko nagawa. Nahirapan akong huminga... nahihirapan ako...