𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 • 𝐖𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠

Nothing Special

Yeosang felt way too many emotions battle away in his heart as he stood out on San's balcony sipping his wine and breathing in the urban city air.

When San had kissed him, Yeosang felt comfortable and safe, and with every gentle movement of San's lips on his own it had become increasingly clear as to just how right San felt; kissing him felt good and dating him and loving him in the future didn't seem so scary.

The feeling he had had in his heart in that moment with San reminded him of Wooyoung; Wooyoung made him comfortable and safe, and as long as San continued to make him feel like that he was quite happy to completely take on Wooyoung's mindset and turn the separate couple relationships they shared into a throuple one.

But when San had told Wooyoung that the kiss they had shared was quick and nothing special Yeosang had felt a knife go through his heart.

Everything they had spoken of and done it that short amount of time together crumbled like sand through Yeosang's hands.

He may have climbed to the peak of his inner worries & thoughts very quickly, almost practically over coming them, but when San said what he said Yeosang felt like he tumbled right to the beginning again.

You don't just open up to someone about your feelings, talk about the thoughts you've had of kissing them and how they've been on your mind, tell them you think you have a crush on them, tell them you find them attractive, that their presence makes your heart skip a beat, you don't hold their hand, making silence a beautiful thing, and look at them so lovingly before kissing them, holding them, making them feel like they're the most important person in the world only to brush everything you just shared off as nothing special and quick. That was just cruel.

San felt like a stranger to him, and maybe in a way he still was.

They'd only been talking regularly for a few days, they'd shared intimate touches and a couple kiss just for fun and for Wooyoung's sake. . . but that was it. Yeosang felt stupid for catching feeling's so soon.

He felt sour and angry with himself and with San, but above everything he also was upset.

Yeosang was upset with himself because he thought that with the words spoken earlier that he and San were on the same page and were moving forwards. He was upset that he'd opened his heart up so quickly instead of guarding it like usual, and he was upset that the moment he'd shared with San clearly didn't mean as much to San as it did to himself.

Yeosang felt like it was his fault; he at the end of the day was the one who had chosen to let down his guard, to let his walls come down, he was the one who had chosen to open up to San, and it was his own dumb fault for not seeing past all the lies San had been weaving to mask the truth.

Yeosang also felt pathetic that this whole thing was making him sad. Did he even have a logical right to be upset? Maybe he should just get over himself; reverse out of this road he'd taken towards San and focus on Wooyoung like he should have been doing from the beginning.

First and foremost he was dating Wooyoung now, so San should be the least of his worries. . .right?

Yeosang let out a heavy sigh as he watched the city bellow. He was thankful for the cool nights air, it was a nice distraction from the turmoil that had unfolded within him.

He kind of wanted to go home; How on earth was he meant to share a bed with San when he felt like this? Did he even want to be with San anymore? Was it bad that although his mind was telling him no, that his heart was pleading yes?

Yeosang didn't want to upset Wooyoung by leaving, he knew how much San meant to the younger, and Yeosang didn't want to seem petty by leaving and ultimately putting a solid end to Wooyoung's dreams; it'd break Wooyoung's heart and Yeosang couldn't do that.