Diary of a teen mom(Editing)

❤Chapter 23❤

Would we be better off by now, if I'd have let my walls come down? Maybe, I guess we'll never know ~ Lewis Capaldi

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~KELVIN~

The past few days had been messy for me. I had to put up with the tension rising in me every damn single day. Sometimes I just wondered how a young lad like me had a lot to worry about, one of the reasons why I don't keep anyone close. I've shut everyone out ever since the incident that happened three years ago. The incident no one dared to talk about.

I know some still talked about it. But no one was bold enough to say it in my presence.

I wasn't someone to bother others with my problems. Everyone has problems to deal with and I didn't want to give anyone the burden of having to worry about me. So I'd been a lone ranger, with a sick mother, and an uncaring father.

I'd been left alone for over three years. I don't think I remember how it feels to actually be cared for anymore. I was always in my own world, enjoying my peaceful solitude, like I was doing now.

I was seated at our table, reminiscing over numerous nothings. Susan was beside me, typing away on her phone. She had completely ignored me after my outburst which I still feel guilty about.

She had been nothing but caring to me but all I did was being a total dick. I was not really used to anyone trying to get close or even be friends with me. It all seemed weird when she tried to have a conversation with me.

It was just amusing how she was able to bring out a part of me that I'd kept locked for a long time. Smiling was one of the things i rarely did, but with her, it was a constant gesture. It felt like she was trying to see through me. I always felt so open and exposed with her which I didn't like one bit. If I hated one thing, it was being vulnerable.

Sometimes I wondered how a human could be so bold and carefree.
But despite the whole happy demeanour, she has a strong emotional wall built around her. Like she had a story she wanted to keep hidden.

Sometimes I think we have a lot in common, we just have different approaches to life.

I found myself looking forward to each day with her, and It scared me. The possibility of my thoughts actually being true scared the shit out of me.

To be honest, I missed her.

I missed her calling me KP and teasing me with the hideous nickname she invented. I missed her smile and her laughter.

She was right beside me, but she seemed so far away. I wanted to talk to her desperately. I don't know why I had to destroy everything we had formed because of my anger. I had thrown my frustration and anger at her that night.

My thinking faculty was messed up that night. I was completely disoriented. Who wouldn't be after receiving the kind of news I received.

What was I even thinking calling her clingy?

"Susan..." I found my mouth speaking at it's own will.

She turned to me with a raised eyebrow. She must be wondering why I'm suddenly talking to her after I told her we weren't friends.

I wanted to apologize, to tell her I was sorry for being such a douche. To tell her that we were good friends but the words remained stuck.

"Uh...helloo"she said, when I didn't speak.

I sighed.
"I just..."

"Suzie!"

Damn it! Why now?