Open up (18+ Only)

Chapter 11

××Luna××

Friday was really really nice after fixing my misunderstanding with Amanda and I'm glad I didn't have to beg for our friendship and she came to her senses. Even though I did not know who to beg or even where to start.

We left early and we wrote almost all of our project or assignment yesterday and we could have finished it the same day but Amanda insisted that we do the sleep over and pretend to be tired so that we have some work to do, I went home to prepare for today and it's also Lara's death anniversary and it feels like it was just yesterday.

Well Lara is my sister and well was my best friend also, we used to be the perfect sisters and nothing could come between us and we did everything together, matching outfits, late night talks, cry together and laugh together but there was always a dark side of her I never saw but knew it was there. That day, the day she decided to take her life she told me to take care of myself and never let my emotions control how I react to certain thing and i felt that was the last day I see her but she assured me that we will always do everything together, she promised that she will always be there but she wasn't. That day i found her hanging her self, she pretended to be sick and I was really willing toned skip school but she reassured me to go when I got home I got to a horror scene I didn't even want to beleive and seemed like she poisoned herself before hanging herself, her colour changed and I was just shocked with what I was seeing it seemed like my eyes were deceiving me and I never shouted my voice was gone and I couldn't cry, I called her a few times and she didn't respond and then I climbed the chair and untied the rope her body was heavy and cold and went to get her some hot water bottle and put her into bed to keep her warm but then my mother saw that I was like a walking ghost and wouldn't talk and she decided to go to the bedroom that's when she saw it all and she stared sobbing and I told her she was making noise and would wake Lara up. She checked her pulse and heartbeat and told me she was gone and I would not believe that, I knew she won't leave me and went to sleep next to her and warm her body but that didn't help and then the paramedics took her away from me, I tried to fight but it was helpless, I tried pushing them and make her warm but they wouldn't listen and they injected me with something to keep me calm and when I woke up I never talked about it they suggested therapy because the doctor which examined me saw the cuts but therapy never helped because I kept quiet and never spoke to anyone for about 6 months, then the funeral came I never said anything or even cry, I was a robot just there with no emotion.I never had nightmares about the incident my brain decided to shut that part of my life but every year I feel like I will just wake up and feel like it's all a dream  and I never read the letter she wrote but I'm gonna do it now so that I can find peace and maybe let her go but I can't let her go. I took the letter and opened it neatly

Dearest Luna
I will probably have be gone by the time you read this letter but I couldn't deal with everything, it was suffocating me and I tried to be strong for both of us and I couldn't deal with everything, I saw the cuts and I never said anything because I knew we had to deal with a lot a very young age well I at least experienced parents love for that amount and don't know what changed but something went wrong and you never experienced that but I know you know that I love you and will always do. I couldn't share what you were going through because you were going through a lot already and you felt you had the whole world on your shoulder to carry and I wanted to comfort you every night you would cry yourself to sleep and feel you were being loved less, I would keep telling you that everything would be right but I know that it won't end it wouldn't be alright anytime soon. Sometimes I just wish you could find a Prince charming that could save you from all this. Every time you feel down look over to the moon, I'll always be by your side even there physically but we used to look upon the moon and

I couldn't read the entire letter, I felt as if she wrote a whole book that reveals pain every second I read a sentence that relates to what I feel and  My chest began to be tighten, my throat felt like it was being strangled, I couldn't  breath and I couldn't keep everything inside and I cried like I have never cried before, why can't I be happy and live a normal life like any other kid my age, am I the only one that goes through this much, I thought as I was busy cutting my wrist to get better and I just cried everything and let out a soft sobs until I felt asleep. My heart was heavy crying helped but it never took away all the pain I was going through and needed to save myself for myself too. I couldn't handle everything alone, you left me still