Open up (18+ Only)

Chapter 6

I was woken by my alarm after the bad dream I just had and I knew this isn't how my week should start because I'm gonna be sad the whole week, but nobody cares well I don't so no one has to. I went to the bathroom and just thinking about the dream, does dreams come true? Will he do that to us? If he can do it to our mother what will stop him? I mean they are together because she's probably the love of his life. We just need to be careful around him but how will I be able to convince Selena? He really loves his dad and his dad's parents. well we never knew my mom's side of the family no one talks about them we not sure if they exist. that part of her life was off limits I was really frightened and took a razor to ease the pain, I felt that self provided pain is better than pain caused by other people and you can't control them. I just cut myself until I was satisfied. New on top of the old ones  will I ever stop doing this to myself, I badly did wanna stop but I couldn't, it was the only way my pain was eased. The voice within would scream for help without being heard and me not being able to trust myself because I don't know what I am anymore. I check my mother before leaving and I see her lifeless body with marks of pain caused by her own husband just lying there helplessly.Let me not talk to her, it's no use she wouldn't listen. I left home to school, should I even call it a home because this house is full of torturing moments and I am trying to be strong and stand above the water but I'm really drowning and I can't save myself.
"If this is what love does to one then I don't wanna fall in love."

It was break time and I went to the usual spot. I was lost in my own thoughts when someone waved their hand in front of my face and was shaken, who could that be? I thought it might be the teacher or cleaner am I in trouble, I couldn't even turn my face towards them.
"Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt you but I've been calling your name without no respond and I saw you were lost in your own world." I'm glad that was Amanda and I quickly faced her
" No it's okay and I'm i'm ... really sorry I did not hear you there" still shattering I thought this would be over by now.
"did you get my message? Arghhh I knew it wouldn't be delivered I should have called just be sure you got it..."
"Relax, I got the message and I'm sorry I didn't respond" I wasn't, I didn't know what to say
I interrupted her looking down. "Thank heavens. So may I sit with you?" I took a few minuets digesting what she just asked
"it's okay if you don't want to, I'll just leave you" and she stood up ready to walk away and I just looked at her leave and had nothing more to say and was disappointed in me and how I just rejected her, even though I know how it feels to be rejected I did it and felt very bad.
***

"Amanda wait." I decided to talk to Amanda after our school project because I didn't like what happened between us and apologize but her friends decided to stop and all look back and I was starting to panic the attention I brought to myself was too much and I don't think I could handle it. "Yeah? You guys can leave I'll catch up with you" and they instantly left.
"I'm really sorry about what happened during break time and I felt very bad, I really wanted you to stay but you caught me off guard" I looked down I hope she accepts it. "Yeah it okay, can you walk with us? It wouldn't be safe to walk alone and it's already late." I thought about what she just said and she was right but I wasn't safe.
"Yeah, if that would be okay with your friends." I said nervously and we started walking in awkward silence.