After Hardin

49

~ TESSA ~

I woke the next morning disoriented and alone. I prayed the events of the day prior were just a nasty nightmare, but they were real. I missed Hardin in my bed, with his arms wrapped protectively around me. I felt the babies kick and wished he was here to feel it too. Am I doing what's best for the babies and myself? I thought I was, but the more I'm around Hardin, the more I think about the possibility of being in a relationship with him.

I sit up in my bed and look around the room. My stomach growls and I realize that the tray Kim brought to my room for dinner was gone and in its place was my computer. A wave of fear tickles throughout my body, wondering who brought my computer here and if they saw what I was writing before I set it on the table in the living room. Shit.

I walk over to the desk and open the computer. A sigh of relief escapes my mouth when the lock screen pops up and asks for my password. No one knows my password, so my secret is safe. I close the laptop and pad down the hallway in search of breakfast.

I lean against the door frame and watch Hardin move around the kitchen before I announce my presence. "Hey," I whisper and watch him jump.

"Shit, you scared me. Hungry?" He asks me. "I was just going to make an omelet for myself."

"That would be great." I answer and sit down on one of the island stools.

"You didn't come to dinner last night." Hardin said in a statement instead of asking where I was last night.

"I just needed some time after our conversation yesterday." I responded nervously.

"I brought your computer to your room after dinner. You didn't eat anything last night. You need to eat for the babies, Tess." Hardin chastised me.

It's annoying that he's scolding me about not eating, but he's right. I can't get upset at him for his concern. "I know. I fell asleep. I didn't intend on skipping dinner."

The rest of the time Hardin cooked in silence. I watched him move around the kitchen fluidly, amazed at how much he'd learned in the kitchen while we were apart. He had a few things he cooked well, but he really seems at home in the kitchen now. When the omelets were finished, he placed one in front of me and then sat at the counter with me leaving a seat in between us.

"How did you sleep last night?" Hardin asked me after a long and awkward silence.

"I slept well." I lied. I slept terribly. I missed having him next to me in bed. "How about you?"

"Mmm... Once I fell asleep, I slept like the dead." he answered in between bites of omlet. I look at him and realize that he has dark bags under his eyes like he didn't sleep at all. It seems that we both are lying to each other.

We finish breakfast in silence. Hardin clears both of our plates and puts them in the dishwasher. I stand to go back to my room to work, but before I reach the hall Hardin's voice stops me. "I'm going to call Ken and invite them to visit this weekend, if that works for you."

I don't turn around to face him and nod my head. "That would be nice." I bite back the tears that are threatening to fall and walk down the hall to my room. I lean back against the door and let the tears finally fall. What have I done to the relationship we were building? We were getting along better than ever and I just ruined it in one night giving into my sexual desires. I may have damaged the small amount of progress we made and hurt Hardin in the process. Shit. I wanted what he did, him and I married, a family with our children. I let my fear of him falling into his old ways lead me to pushing him away instead of pulling him closer and allowing him to prove himself to me.