After Hardin

10

TESSA

It felt like hours passed as the doctor looked at me.  "Tessa, the nurse just gave me the results of your pregnancy test.  You are pregnant."  

What did she just say? Did I hear her correctly?

"E....Ex... Excuse me?  Is this some kind of joke?" I say to her in disbelief.

The doctor reaches out and grabs my hand, "Tessa, you are pregnant," she says again.  I can feel all the color drain from my face and hear my heartbeat in my ears.  The room starts to spin and then it goes black. 

When I wake, I am laying on a hospital bed, a nurse on each side of me and the doctor is also there.  "Tessa... Tessa... wake up darling. Tessa open your eyes." I can here them saying.  It takes me awhile to realized that I am still in the doctor's exam room, but that I am now laying down and I feel completely out of it. 

"What happened?" I ask looking around confused.

"You fainted.   I told you that you were pregnant and you fainted," the doctor says.  "I am guessing that this is an unexpected pregnancy from your reaction to the news."

I still can't believe what I am hearing.  All I can do is nod.  This is not how I expected this to go.  What am I going to do?  I am my mother, but worse, Hardin isn't here, my dad at least stuck around for awhile.  Tears start streaming down my face as I stare at the ceiling.  This can't be happening to me.  Hasn't enough happened with Hardin? Nnow I am now pregnant with his child and he wants nothing to do with me. The doctor hands me the box of tissue so I can wipe my eyes and nose and helps me sit up. 

"Tessa, you have options here.  You don't have to decide what you want to do now, but lets discuss what they are so you can think about them."  I'm listening to her but I am still stunned that this is actually happening.  "Before we discuss what those options are, I would like to do an ultrasound so we can see how far along you are."  She reaches in the cabinet and hands me a paper gown and sheet and instructs me to change into them and leaves the room.

I stand in a daze and take off my clothing, put on the paper gown, put the paper sheet over my legs and wait.  There is  brisk knock on the door and the doctor comes back in the room pushing a cart with her. 

"This is an ultrasound machine and it will let us look at your baby.  You are probably too early to use the wand on your stomach so I will have  to do an internal ultrasound.  I will use this wand and it will have to be inserted inside of you to see your baby. Are you ready?" the doctor asks. 

I nod again.  "Lay back on the bed and scoot down." she says, and helps me put my legs in the stirrups.  If I wasn't in shock right now I would be so embarrassed that I was in this position right now.  The only person who has seen me there has been Hardin.  The doctor turns on the machine and  points one of the monitors my way so I can see it.  I can't look at it and keep looking up at the ceiling.

"I'm going to start the exam now," the doctor says.  It is extremely uncomfortable.  I close my eyes tight and pray for the pregnancy test to be wrong.  "Tessa, look at the screen, there is your baby.  Do you see that black oval, that is the amniotic sac and that white blip inside of it is your baby."  I turn my head slowly and look at the screen.  That is my baby.  That small little white dot there is my baby.

"That's my baby? Right there?" I point to the screen.  The doctor smiles at me. 

"Yes, that is your baby.  I would say that you are about 4 or 5 weeks along by looking at the development here.  She finishes up the exam and instructs me to get dressed again and she will be right back.  I feel like I am floating and not really in my body right now.  So many things are going through my head I can't process anything.