After Hardin

24

~ HARDIN ~

I stare in disbelief when Tessa stands up and announces that she found out a month after leaving here that she was four weeks pregnant. What in the actual fuck. I can't formulate a sentence much less my thoughts. I look into her eyes first, and then down her body to land on her growing belly where she is resting her hand. I'm not sure how long Tessa stands there before she finally sits back in her chair. She doesn't say anything at first. I do the math and realize that I'm the father and I have a massive panic attack. No wonder she's here and didn't call me to share the news. Holy shit, this is huge.

I feel the panic and rage building in my body and acid at the back of my throat. I want to break something. "Excuse me." I stand up and walk into the coffee shop and straight to the bathroom. I feel like I can't get enough air, so I take faster breaths until I feel a tingling sensation all over my body. I stand in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror, trying to steady my breaths and watch all the color drain from my face. I splash some cold water over my face to try and shock myself out of this panic attack. Get a grip, Hardin. Fucks sakes. You can handle this.

I need to see Dr. Taylor immediately. I need to punch something, I need the gym and a punching bag. I pace the bathroom like a caged tiger who sees its prey just outside the bars. Deep breaths, deep breaths. I need to talk to her. I need to know what the hell is going on, and why the fuck did it take her so long to tell me for fucks sakes. She's obviously known for a long damn time that she was pregnant.

I grab the door handle, anger coursing through my body, with the intent of demanding answers from Tessa, and in not a nice way. I pulled my hand from the handle like it was a hot burner and I just burnt my hand. I need to show her how much I've changed. I can handle this like an adult. I pace for a few more minutes before I open the door and head back to the table with so many different emotions flowing through my body. As I get closer to the table, I notice that Tessa is crying quietly into her hands.

I walk up to the table without making a sound, Tessa has no idea I'm standing there. I place money down on the table to cover the bill and walk over to her, placing my hand under her chin so I can look into her eyes. "Walk with me?" I ask her when her eyes finally meet mine. She wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hands and shakily stands up. I gesture for her to go ahead of me and when she passes me I place my hand on the small of her back and guide her out onto the walkway.

We walk for quite some time without speaking. Tessa finally breaks the silence. "I'm so sorry, Hardin. I know I should have told you sooner. At first I waited until I made it past the time when miscarriage goes down. But the biggest reason I was scared to tell you was how we have been in the past. I couldn't handle it if you, well you know. You haven't always handled stressful situations the best in the past. You told me that you weren't good for me, and if you weren't good for me, how could you be good for a baby." Tessa wouldn't look at me while she talked. What she said hit home. I'm still mad, but I can see her point. I was an asshole constantly.

I guide her over to a bench and we both sit. I tentatively grab her hand and wait for her to look up from her lap. She didn't pull her hand away, but laced her fingers through mine. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be sitting this near Tessa again, much less holding her hand.

"I'm shocked and am still processing this. I don't want to say anything the wrong way or that I regret." I pause and give her hand a squeeze. "I wish you would have felt comfortable to tell me as soon as you found out, but I know that it's my fault that you couldn't trust me to do that. I understand your reasoning for not telling me. I'm just happy you've told me now." She's staring at me, confusion in her eyes. I wish I knew what is running through her mind right now.