After Hardin

12

~ HARDIN ~

I woke up Saturday morning and felt numb. I miss her. She brought me to life and made me feel things I never thought I would feel. I can't seem to stop torturing myself. I open up the pictures on my phone and scroll through the pictures of Tessa. If she knew how many pictures of her I actually have on my phone, she would blush. I'm so glad I have them now. They are what motivates me to be a better person.

I need to hear how she is. Before I can think this through and talk myself out of it, I dial Landon's number. I just need to make sure she is well. It rings and rings and rings. With each ring I get more and more annoyed. Just as I'm about to hang up the phone, Landon picks up. "Hey Hardin." I feel relief wash over me.

"What's up Landon?" I ask. We don't really have a close relationship. Calling him is awkward. I don't want to come straight out and ask him about Tessa. I need to work into it.

"Not much. Just driving home. Did you need something?" he asks.

"No. Just wanted to call my step brother. How's your Mom and Ken?" Did I just ask about my "Dad" and his new wife? What the fuck?

"They're fine."

"How are your classes?" I'm grasping at straws here. I can't bring myself to ask about her now that I have him on the phone.

"Good."

"I started seeing a therapist. My Mum thought it would be a good idea. I just saw him for the first time yesterday. I'm not sure if this will work, but it's something I haven't tried yet." I can't believe I just told him that. I wasn't going to tell anyone about this until I knew if it worked. I must be really fucking nervous.

"That's good, Hardin."

This is going worse than it should. Man up and ask what you really want to know. I give myself a little pep talk. "How is she, Landon?"

"OK." A one word answer. I wanted more than "ok." If I was there I would beat the information out of his dumb ass. FUCK! I'm going insane.

"Why the one word answers, Landon? What's going on?" I'm getting annoyed and am trying to not yell through the phone. I don't want him to hang up on me.

"Now isn't a good time, Hardin. Can we talk later?"

Well, he didn't freak out at me, nor did he hang up. He's Tessa's best friend, so that is something. Then it hits me. He's answered everything I've asked with as few words as possible. "Are you with her?" I whisper.

"Yes." was all he said. My heart skipped a beat. I just want to see her, hear her voice, smell her hair. Fuck I miss her. We are both silent for a long time. Landon speaks first.

"Did you need anything else?" and he waits for my response.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "Is she moving on?" Why am I asking this? I want her to move on. I'm not good for her, but I know if he says that she is moving on I will be devastated. I hold my breath waiting for Landon's reply.

"No, Hardin. I really have to go now." At his response I let out the breath I was holding. My heart started to beat again.

"Later, Landon." I say and hang up. I wish I was there with her now. I wish I heard her voice or better yet, her laugh in the background. I lay back on the bed and continue looking at Tessa's pictures, at ease that she hasn't moved on yet. Today will be a better day.

~ TESSA ~

"It's OK, Landon. You can answer it." I say and give him a nod. "He may need you. I'll be fine." I keep on driving.