After Hardin

28

~ HARDIN ~

Shit. Did that kiss really just happen? I never thought I would feel her smooth lips against mine. It was better than anything I could have dreamt. Her smell envelopes me, I don't want this kiss to stop. Eventually Tessa breaks the kiss. I expect her to pull away from me, but she rests her forehead against mine. My heart is beating against my chest and I can hardly breathe. My head feels like it's swimming. Her voice brings me back. "Are you going to tell me if we are having boys, girls or one of each?"

I take a deep breath before I pull back from her. One of my hands cups her face and the other splays across her back. "Yes. Sorry. I'm a bit emotional right now. Well, and excited. So many emotions, I don't think I can name them all." I'm afraid that once Tessa finds out what gender the babies are, that she will leave for the night. I'm not ready for her to leave just yet. She gives me an impatient look. Alright, I can't wait any longer. "We are having......" I give a pause for the suspense factor. "Boys... Two boys."

I watch Tessa's face, and for the longest time her expression doesn't change. She stares into my eyes. I rub my thumb across her cheek. "Tess, tell me what you're thinking?"

"I...I...I'm so happy. Momma's boys." she laughs, and a smile spreads across her face.

"Yes, Momma's boys. Hopefully they take after you and not me, otherwise we are in for a whole lot of trouble." Shit. They better not turn out like me.

~ TESSA ~

What just happened? Hardin seemed so excited for a moment, but he's now pale, his smile has faded and his eyes carry a look of dread. Then I hear him say the tell tale words. "Hopefully they take after you and not me, otherwise we are in for a whole lot of trouble." Shit. I know exactly where his head has gone.

I bring my hand to his chin and force him to look into my eyes again. "Hardin, we can't worry about that. Our boys will have both of us there, doing everything we can for them." A ragged breath slips out of him. "They won't be in the same situation that you were in. It will be different for them. Trust me."

I want him to be excited again and not worring. I lean in and place a kiss on his cheek. "Our boys will have so many people to love them that they will always feel loved."

Hardin's eyes soften and I can see the fear and dread leave his eyes. "Thank you, Tessa. I'll do everything in my power to make sure that our boys have a childhood that I never had. They will never doubt my love for them, and neither will you." He pulls me into another kiss. His lips tentatively touch mine. He's unsure of himself. His cocky, self assured side has taken a backseat to someone who is unsure of himself.

He pulls back searching for my reaction to his words and kiss. I'm not looking for him to declare his love to me. I need him to be there for our boys and nothing more. "Hardin, I just need you to prove your love to the boys. I don't doubt that you will be an amazing father. Please focus on that and not on loving me."

I stand and pace the small apartment. "I'm sorry, Tessa. I didn't mean to upset you. I do love you, but I've heard what you've said. I won't pressure you into a relationship if you don't want it."

What the hell is going on here? Things like this have never come from Hardin's mouth ever. He has used pressure to get me to come back so many times. This is a nice change, but it won't bring me back. I'm done with that part of my life. I'm focusing on my babies and that's all I have time for.

I use the restroom and when I come back, Hardin is pacing now. "Tessa, I know it's getting late, but can we talk more? Please. I feel like I've missed so much already and I don't want to miss anything else."