After Hardin

21

~ HARDIN ~

I finished up tutoring and had plans to have dinner at my Mum and Mike's place tonight. I go there twice a week for dinner. I'm enjoying finally having a good relationship with my Mum, and love seeing how happy Mike makes her. I wish I could take back all of the years that I was a complete prick to her. Mum didn't deserve me treating her poorly for what happened to her. It wasn't her fault. She did her best, working so many hours just to keep us in that dump of a house.

I caused her so much pain and stress with my actions. I'm surprised she hasn't given up on me with all of the terrible shit I've done. I now understand why she sent me to college in the United States. I hated her when she sent me, but looking back at it now, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. It got me away from the people I was hanging with here and from the choices I was making.

I feel like I'm finally getting through to Cam during the time we spend together during tutoring. He has one more year of school before he takes his General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE) test. Using the events in my life to help him realize that he needs to make better choices for himself, has been working. I talk about college in the US, and Cam is interested in going to school in the US. I'll have to call Ken and see what Cam would need to do to attend WCU next year.

My flat is near my Mum's house, so I stop home and change before heading over there. I put on a clean pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt, and black converse. I have just started wearing white t-shirts again. I stopped wearing them after Tessa left. They reminded me of her since they were her favorite.

There is a vendor on the corner near my flat that sells fresh flowers. I stop and pick up a bouquet for my mom. The flowers are a mixture of pink and white roses, daisies, and peonies. I start the short walk to my Mum's house, whistling as I go. I'm not sure when I turned into the guy who walks down the street whistling, but I am liking this change.

I round the corner, and can see my Mum and Mike's house. As I get closer, I see a woman walking down their drive. Probably one of my Mum's friends. I cross the street and walk in between two cars. I notice that the lady is walking behind the car. I look up at her as she reaches the driver's door and I look into eyes that I know. Eyes that I see in my dreams each night, I see them when I close my eyes. My heart starts slamming into the walls of my chest, my hands start shaking, and I can't find my voice. I'm lost in her eyes, those beautiful eyes.

~ TESSA ~

"H..Ha..Hardin," my voice wavers. My legs are shaking and my palms are sweating. He doesn't respond, he's staring into my eyes. I feel the pull from him, like two magnets, to run into his arms. I have to force myself to stay where I'm standing. "Hardin," I say much louder this time.

He shakes his head breaking the trance that he was in. He places his hands on the hood of my rental car. "Tessa, is that you?" No confidence in his voice. All the color has drained from his face and he looks like he has seen a ghost.

"Yes, Hardin. It's me." I give him a smile, trying to sooth both of our raw nerves. I wasn't expecting to see him tonight. I wanted a little time to figure out what I was going to say to him. Like I haven't had enough time already, but I am standing here now and I have no idea what to say.

Hardin runs his hands through his hair and then down his face. "What are you doing here?" He asks, but there is no venom in his voice. He's curious, not upset. He still hasn't made a move to come around the car.

"I came to talk to you. I just left Trish's place, asking how I can find you. I was planning on finding you later in the week. I got your letter, Hardin. Thank you for sending it."

"I meant every word of it. I look back at how I treated you and it's one of my biggest regrets. I've done a lot of terrible things in my past, but I'm changing who I am now. I wouldn't change anything in my past though, because then I never would have met you." I watch Hardin wringing his hands as he speaks.

"I've heard that you have changed a lot since I went back. I'm happy for you, Hardin. I know that you have been messed up since things happened with your Mum when you were little. I want you to be happy." I take a deep breath. I'm not emotionally ready and don't have the energy for the conversation that I need to have with Hardin. "I'm exhausted right now, Hardin. I have some things that we need to talk about, can we meet tomorrow?"

"I'd like that. I have all morning free until 1:00 PM." Hardin tells me, a hopeful look on his face.

"Let's meet at ten. You pick the place. Text me the address to meet you at." I tell him. I want to get out of here before he notices my belly. I can't do this right now. My heart is breaking being this close to him and not touching him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I open the car door and climb in. Hardin is still standing next to the car, hands on the front hood.

I roll down my window. "Hardin, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just never thought I would see you again." he gives a half smile and stands up away from the car.

"Honestly, I didn't think we would see each other again when I left England the last time either. I will see you tomorrow, Hardin. I hope you sleep well." I throw in that last part hoping that he isn't still having the nightmares.

Hardin bends down and I see him picking up a bouquet of flowers that he must have dropped when our eyes met. He starts walking up the drive to his Mum's house. He stops once and looks back at me, before he continues up the drive.

I sit in the car, watching him walk away from me. I watch as he enters his Mum's house and my heart races. I hope that I don't break his heart tomorrow. I pull out of my parking spot, and drive back to the hotel. Kim is going to freak when I tell her that I ran into Hardin.

~ HARDIN ~

I cannot believe that I just ran into Tessa outside of my Mum's house. I thought I would never see her again, that I lost her forever. Now that she's here, I'm going to do everything in my power to keep her in my life. I can't lose her again, and this time I will be the man that she needs. I 'll treat her the way that she deserves to be treated.

She looked amazing, from what I could see of her. We each stayed on opposite sides of the car while we talked. She had a glow about her. I could tell she was tired though. She had dark circles under her eyes.

I know I won't be getting any sleep tonight. I will be up all night thinking about meeting her tomorrow. I had to force myself to walk away from her when she got into her car. I grabbed the flowers that I dropped, and started walking up my Mum's drive. About halfway up the drive, I turned around to see Tessa still parked and watching me. I wanted to turn around and get in the car with her. I stopped myself, that would be something I would have done before. I need to show her that I have changed. I turned around and walked into my Mum's without looking back again. When I got inside, I turned around and watched Tessa drive away through the glass in the door. It felt like my heart was driving away from me.

I sigh and put a smile on my face, I'm going to see the love of my life again tomorrow. "Hey Mum, I'm here!" I yell out as I walk back to the kitchen to find my Mum making dinner.