After Hardin

4

Hardin

When I woke the sun was high in the sky and there was a steady stream of people across the street at the gas station. My head is killing me and I feel like I have an entire bag of cotton in my mouth. What time is it? I slam my hand onto the button and the time lights up. Shit.... 1:30 PM.

I'm still in the front seat of the car. I can't remember how I even got here or what happened after I left Janie in the bathroom naked and I stormed out of the house. My pants are unzipped and my cock is outside of my clothes. What the hell happened?

I need water and Motrin. I put my cock back into my pants and drive over to the gas station. I run in and grab a coffee, water and Motrin. As I leave I realize people are staring at me. As I walk back to the car I realize just what they are looking at. There is a white stain on the front of my black T-shirt. Fuck!!! I need a shower.

I can't go back to Mark's flat.  I don't have the patience for that.  I'm not sure where to go so I drive back across the street to the parking lot and turn on my phone.  After I threw Tessa out the other day I turned it off and left it that way.  Once the phone boots up, my notifications start going off.  My heart automatically is excited thinking that Tessa has tried to contact me.  I check my text messages and there are some from my Mum, Dad or should I say Ken, Karen, Landon, and Mark.  My voicemail is full.  All the messages are from my Mum, except for one from Ken and one from Landon.  My heart sinks.  Why did I want Tessa to be one of those calls or texts. I threw her away again.  There is no way she would try to contact me.  This is what's best .  I am no good for her. 

I can't deal with my Mum right now.  I don't know how to handle my feelings about that whole situation.  I check the text from Mark.  He wanted to know where I went and if I was down to party again today.   I delete it without answering.

I go to the voicemail and hit Landon's name without thinking.  His voice immediately booms through the phone.  He is yelling, "How could you do this to Tessa again. What the fuck is wrong with you? You better have a good reason to hurt her like this again.  I have never seen her like this in any of your fights before. You better call me and explain." 

I hear the click and then silence.  What did I do? What does he mean he has never seen her like this before? How I wish things could be different.  Hopefully some day she will forgive me once she realizes that I was no good for her.

I try to picture her the last time we made love and all I can see are her sad eyes. I just want the picture I see to be of one of her happy.  How could I put her through so much pain. 

I can't listen to any more of this right now.  I need a shower.  I chug the hot black coffee I just bought and scald my throat.  I pull off onto the road and head to the hotel that Tessa and I stayed at.  I'm going to get a room to try and figure out my next move.  You know, the one to try and forget Tessa, my Tessa with the beautiful blue-grey eyes and who has only been with me.

When I arrive at my room the first thing I do is drop my bag on the floor and head to the shower.  A cold shower should help, but it doesn't.  The only thing I can see is her and I naked in the shower together before I went to meet Vance and my world was shattered.

This isn't working.  The only thing that works is booze and drugs.  I pull on some clean clothes and head out to get some whiskey. Drinking alone doesn't sound too bad.

I had the bottle cracked open and half drank when I get back to the room.  As I polished off the bottle, Tessa left my mind and the burn of the whiskey replaced any thoughts of her. I start to think of what to do for my future.  I'll need to call Ken.

I drank until I passed out. And the dreams started sometime later.  Again my Mum was replaced by Tessa and the dreams rocked me harder than ever. The last dream woke me and I wished for Tessa. It is 6 AM.  I pick up the phone and dial Ken.

He answers, "Hardin, are you ok? Where are you?"

"I'm in England. I'm fine," is my response.

"Hardin, what happened? Tessa is a mess. We have never seen her like this. She says it's over and I really think she means it."

Fuck.... Shit.... this is what I wanted, but it hurts so bad. I have to keep telling myself it's what's best for Tessa. That is all I care about, what's best for her.

"Hardin, are you still there?" Snaps me out of my head.

"Yeah. I didn't call to talk about what happened. I just want to know what to do about school and graduation. I know I'm close to graduating. What do I have to do to finish school, but stay in Europe?"

"Hardin, I really think you should tell me what happened with Tessa. I know how much you love her."

"Fuck." I slam my hand onto the night stand. Shit. That hurt. I think I broke something. "I'm not fucking talking about that. Tell me about school or I'm hanging up and won't call again, ever."

"Ok. Ok. Hardin. Don't hang up. I will have to check some things out at the university. I can look into it today and give you a call once I have what your options are."

"Great" and I hang up before Ken can say anything more.

That really pissed me off. I pick up the bottle of whisky, and am immediately pissed that it is empty.  I throw it across the room and it shatters into pieces.  I grab my keys to go get more booze to forget her.

Sorry it took so long to add another chapter.  I have 5 kiddos and they all seemed to get sick and then the holidays.  I hope to add another chapter here again in the next few days! Please let me know what you think and vote for me!