After Hardin

16

~ HARDIN ~

I need to stop pacing around my flat. I shouldn't be nervous to see Ken, Karen and Landon. They landed in England late last night and went straight to their hotel. We are meeting shortly at the cafe down the street from my place for dinner. I want to repair my relationship with Ken and Karen. Landon and I have been getting along better, we talk about once a week since I have been back in England. We catch up with what is going on in our lives and I always ask how she is. I always get the same answer, "She's really good, Hardin. She's moving on with her life, like you should too." That answer cuts me to the core. I have tried to pump Landon for more information, but he won't give me any more. He doesn't even like to give me the little information that he does. I just want to know that she is happy. I did this so she would be happy, I am miserable without her so that she can be happy.

I can't stand waiting here any longer. I walk to the cafe and get a table outside. It is a beautiful day. The sun is out and it isn't cold. I'm dressed in my usual black jeans with a black t-shirt and my black converse shoes.

I can't help but smile when I see Ken, Landon and Karen walking up to the cafe. Karen has a huge smile on her face and she is waving frantically at me. I can tell she's excited to see me. When they get to the table, I shake Ken and Landon's hands and then wrap Karen up in a hug. She lets out a sound of surprise before she wraps her arms around me and returns the hug. When she pulls away there is a tear trailing down her cheek. Have I been that much of a dick that a hug makes her cry?

"Hardin, it is good to see you son," Ken says as we all sit down. It is so difficult knowing that Vance is my father, yet here Ken is calling me his son. I''ve looked at this man as my father for my entire life up until a few months ago. He was a shitty dad, but knowing what I know now, I can't imagine how hard that was for him. I honestly wonder if he truly knows that I am Vance's son.

"It's good to see you too, Dad," I hear myself answering. Ken's eyes flicker with emotions hearing a positive response and me calling him Dad. Ken and Karen exchange confused looks and then both look back at me. Landon's jaw has almost hit the floor. I am actually finding their reactions funny.

"Ok... before I give you all a fucking heart attack, let me tell you about the my past months here in England." I can't bring myself to talk about the news that I found out about my Mum and Vance yet. I think that this is a conversation that Ken, my Mum and Vance need to have.

"I'm not ready to talk about what happened with Tessa, and why I'm here and she's there, but I want to tell you what I have been doing since she left." I say and continue on before they can ask questions about that. "After Tessa left, I joined back up with the friends I was hanging with before coming to Washington. I spent a few days with them, back to the same shit I was doing before. Partying, drinking, getting high. I hated it, and the people that were there. I left and stayed in a hotel. I drank myself into a stupor for I can't tell you how many days. I needed to talk to Mum, so I woke one day and went to her new house." I take a breath. I hope that they don't ask what I needed to talk to Mum about.

All three of them are watching me and nod for me to continue. "Mum and I worked some things out. I'd rather not talk about that in detail. She let me stay with her and Mike and she gave me the name of Dr. Taylor, a therapist. I started seeing Dr. Taylor three times a week." Ken and Karen sit up a little straighter, hope shining through their eyes, yet they still don't say anything.

"At first I didn't think that therapy would do a damn thing, but after seeing Dr. Taylor, he is making a huge difference. I'm still an 8 year old boy dealing with the anger from what happened to Mum. I didn't have an appropriate way to handle the anger so I acted out. I have to let go of the anger. I hope that you all can forgive me for treating you so terribly when I was such an angry person. I know it may take time for you to trust that I will continue to better myself, but I promise you that I will." I take a deep breath and wait for someone to say something, anything.