After Hardin

14

~ TESSA ~

My thoughts are all over the place. I have to make a decision that won't just affect my life, but will affect two children as well as Hardin. Even though he doesn't know anything about the babies. I can't get over the fact that I have two babies growing inside of me. They were made out of the love that Hardin and I had. Can I really give that away? I don't think I can. I can't give away these miracles that Hardin and I created. Before I can reason my way into the other decision I blurt out, "I'm keeping my babies. I can't give a part of Hardin and me away."

Dr. Miller and Kim both smiled at me. "I am so excited for you, Tessa," Kim says as she wraps her arms around me.

Dr. Miller gave me the prescription she wants me to try for the nausea and told me she would see me again in four weeks. We drove back home in silence. In eight months I am going to be a mom to not only one baby, but two. I always thought I would be married before I had children, or at least be with the father. Hardin has no idea and I can't tell him. He couldn't handle a baby. He treated me terribly and was so selfish and self destructive. I will not put my children through that. I know how hard it was to lose my father when he walked away from our family, I won't put that pain on my children. Hardin has shown me time after time that he doesn't stick around when things get tough. I don't trust that he will stay for our children.

I'm not sure when it happens, but I fall asleep on the way back. I wake to Kim gently shaking my shoulders. We head into the house and she offers to make me some lunch. Christian is gone for physical therapy and Smith is at school. We can talk freely.

"Kim, I'm not sure how to keep this from Hardin. If I stay here, Christian will tell him. If I go to Ken and Karen's, they will know and tell Hardin. I can't go home to my mothers, and I can't ask you all to keep a secret of this magnitude from Hardin. If he finds out that you all knew, he will go ballistic. Yet, I know that he isn't good for me or the babies. He did horrible things to me over and over, he never stuck around, and he threw me away saying he wasn't good for me. If he isn't good for me, he most definitely isn't good for our children. I don't know what to do." Tears start streaming down my face. I wipe them away with the backs of my hands, but they keep coming. Damn hormones.

Kim is quiet for what feels like forever. "Tessa, this isn't our story or secret to tell. You have some time before you start showing, not much, but some. Hardin is already pissed at Christian for what happened in England, so they aren't talking anyways. Plus, Christian will do anything I ask him to do at this point to get in my good graces. He owes me way more than keeping this secret. We will help you, and he will not tell Hardin. That will be left for you to decide when you feel comfortable telling Hardin."

That gives me a sense of relief. "Are you sure you want to do that for me? Won't that put a bigger strain on your relationship?" I ask. Kim is one of my closest friends. I know that she loves Christian and I would hate to add more pressure to their already fragile relationship.

"Yes, I want to do this for you. First, you are one of my friends and I take care of my friends. Second, you are carrying my step-son's children. I am their grandma." she says laughing.

Holy shit. I never thought of it that way. I start giggling to the point that tears are streaming out of my eyes from laughter. "You are their grandma. You really are the best friend ever and will be an amazing grandma. A young, hot grandma." We both start laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Christian's booming voice flows in through the kitchen and cuts off our laughter.

"Shit. He's back already," Kim whispers.