After Hardin

2

Hardin

Day one in England.

After I threw Tessa out of Mark's flat I drank my self to oblivion. I needed to numb the pain of everything. Finding out my entire life was a lie shattered my already broken self. I'm a mess. I know I've said this before, but I am truly a mess. I am no good for Tessa and she deserves better. Someone who is whole and will treat her the way that she should be treated. That is not me. I am broken. I'm an asshole who fucks up and makes her cry all the time. I can not be fixed.

I try to glue myself back together with booze and pot. This shit numbs the pain, just barely. I wake the next morning on the floor of the living room. What a fucking dump. Who knows what is on this floor, but my hands are sticky and my foot is wet.

"What the hell happened last night?" I yell to no one in particular. "And where the fuck is my shirt?"

James is the only other person who is awake. He's rummaging through empty beer cans, liquor bottles, dirty cups and cigarette butts the kitchen. "We had one hell of a party last night, Dude!"

"What the fuck are you doing in there? You are loud enough to wake the people across the damn street."

"Fuck off man. I'm looking for the bong." James says as he continues to throw shit around in the kitchen.

I'm way too sober for this shit. "Fuck man. I'll help you look." I get up and start looking for the bong. I need a hit to get rid of the pain in my chest. This place is trashed. Mark is passed out on the couch in only his boxers with some girl that I have never met laying naked on top of him with her head by his feet. What the fuck happened here last night? I keep moving through the house.

I have to piss. In the bathroom Janine is passed out in the bathtub wearing my shirt and covered in vomit. Fuck... did I Fuck her last night. God I hope not. I feel acid rising up in my throat. As I put the seat up to take a piss, I find the bong behind the shower curtain. I don't flush because I don't want to wake Janine up. I need to avoid that bitch like the plague.

"Dick..." I roll my eye as James flips me off, "I found it." I hand the bong to James and he hits it and then hands it over to me. We pass it back and forth for the next hour. Much better. I can't think or feel anything. James let's me pass out in his bed. The nightmare starts. I hear the men barge into the house yelling for my dad. Mum tells them that he isn't home. The snarls coming from the men are enough to make grown men cry like babies. I can hear screaming, but it isn't my mum anymore it's Tessa. As I run to the living room, I see the men holding Tessa down, beating her as one man is pulling her skirt up and her panties down. She looks at me with the same pained expression that she had when I kicked her out of Mark's place and screams "Leave me alone, Hardin!" I wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. What the fuck was that. I can't take this.

I rush out into the living room to find a full blown party happening. I grab the first bottle I find and take a gulp. The burn of the whisky feels amazing going all the way down my throat and into my stomach. It shows me that it was a dream. I carry the bottle with me further into the living room and grab the first joint that I see. I take a huge pull off of it and realize that it belonged to Janine. FUCK. So much for avoiding her.

She isn't wearing my shirt anymore. She's wearing a white lacy top that is barely the size of one of Tessa's bras and you can see everything through it. The skirt that she has on is fire engine red and barely covers her ass. She leaves nothing to the imagination. What am I thinking. I should be loving this outfit. What has Tessa done to me?

Janine gets up from the chair that she is sitting on and points for me to sit. I do, and she straddles my lap with one leg on either side of me.

"Hey Hardin. I really missed you while you were away!" She leans in and tries to lick my ear. I dodge her and try to push her away.

"Come on Hardin. You used to love it when I did that before."

"Give me that joint again." She hands it over and I take two long drags and wash it down with more whiskey. "Just chill, Janine. I just woke up. Let me catch up to the rest of the party."

She nods and turns around and sits on my lap facing the rest of the party. We continue this way for who knows how long. I drink the entire bottle of whiskey and smoke who knows how much pot. The party is still in full swing.

I push Janine off of my lap and she lands on the floor. "I need to piss." I walk to the bathroom ping ponging between the walls. After I finished my piss I open the door to the bathroom and Janine is there. She pushes me into the bathroom and locks the door.

"Hardin. I want to finish what I started." She pushes me up against the wall and starts kissing my neck. Her hands go to the button of my jeans and she pulls my pants down. "I want you to come down my throat!" She tries to kiss me.

I move my head to the side and she kisses my cheek. "I don't kiss, Janine."

She doesn't try again. She shoves her hands into my boxers and grabs hold of my shaft. She giggles, "Just like old times." She releases me and pushes my boxers down to the floor and drops to her knees. I'm still limp and she puts my cock into her mouth. She swirls her tongue around my shaft all the way up to the head, but I'm still limp. She swallows my whole cock again and begins to pump it in and out of her mouth and humming. Nothing is making my cock hard.

"What the fuck, Hardin!" Janine whines. "Why won't you get hard for me. Maybe you need a little show." She stands up and starts grinding her ass into my cock. She bends down and I can see her entire ass and that she doesn't have on any panties. When she stands back up she doesn't have her shirt on anymore. She turns to me and shakes her tits at me. I just stand there. She grabs my hands and puts them on her tits. They aren't as big as Tessa's or as perky. Why am I thinking about Tessa right now? She moves my hands around on her tits and grinds into my crotch. She lets go of my hands and they drop immediately to my sides. Janine pouts and rolls her eyes. She takes her skirt off and shoves her ass against my cock. She rubs around on me and then turns to face me. "I want you to fuck me like you used to, Hardin." I am still standing in the same position and my cock is still limp. Janine looks down and notices that I am not hard and attempts to blow it again. There still is no change.

"What the fuck, Hardin. Make your dick hard. I want to fuck you. This shouldn't be so hard. We used to fuck all the time and I didn't have to work so hard."

I push her back and she lands on the toilet seat. I pull my pants up and walk out of the bathroom leaving her with the door open and completely naked. Fuck her. She's nothing but a little whore. She doesn't even compare to Tessa, my Tessa.

I grab another bottle of whiskey from the kitchen counter and head out of the flat and to my car. I drive to the last place Tessa and I were together. The lot across from the gas station. When I get there my mind is reeling.

She doesn't deserve the way I treated her. I'm a selfish bastard. All she asked for was for me to treat her good and to be there with her. But every time it got hard I ran from her or pushed her away. She accepted me with all my flaws and I used her and took advantage of her. She deserves better. If I stay away from her she will find someone who will treat her the way that she deserves. It may kill me, but it is what she needs.

I take a long pull off the whiskey bottle. I can hear Tessa scolding me, "don't you think you've had enough." I take another pull. Then I think of her lips around my cock and her thick hips rubbing up against me. I unzip my pants. I see her beautifully full beasts and her tight nipples bouncing up and down as she rides me. I grab my cock and start to stroke it up and down and can feel the tightness of her pussy. She had the tightest pussy. It hugged my cock so good. As I think of Tessa and her perky tits and tight pussy I cum all over my shirt.

I finish the bottle of whisky sitting with my pants around my ankles, cum on my shirt in the front seat of my rental car and pass out.