After Hardin

29

~ HARDIN ~

I lay awake long after Tessa fell asleep. Never in all my wildest dreams did I ever think she would be here, in England, in my bed. I know it isn't like before, we aren't together, but seeing her pregnant with my babies, gives me hope. Hope that I can do something positive in my life. I am going to be the best father to my boys. I've learned what not to do as a father, and I know what I would have wanted in a father growing up. I will provide this and so much more for my boys. And as long as we have the boys, Tessa will be in my life, one way or another.

It will kill me if she moves on with someone else, but It would be my fault for putting her through everything I have and pushing her away. I don't blame her if that's what she does.

She's curled up next to me with her head on my chest, one leg laying over my legs and her arm wrapped around my waist. Her belly is pushed into my side. She looks beautiful, glowing, her belly round with our children. I can only imagine how big she will get carrying two babies. I place a light kiss on her head and smell her distinct scent, vanilla and peaches. I could never forget her scent.

I drift off to sleep thinking about what my life will look like now that I will be a father of sons. The more I think of it, the more excited I become. My heart is full, laying next to Tessa, who is growing our children.

~ TESSA ~

I wake early, the sun streaming through the windows and shining on my face. My body is wound around Hardin's. He's sleeping soundly, his arm wrapped protectively around my back, and his hand splayed across my belly. I'm cuddled up next to him, our bodies pressing into each other.

I wish this is how we were meant to be. In love having children together. It was amazing falling asleep in his arms again. I know I can't get used to this. I promised myself one thing and that was Hardin and I would never be a couple again. I may screw up along the way with parenting, I mean I'm going to be a new mom, but my resolve to not fall into a relationship with Hardin again is one thing that I will not screw up.

I feel guilty that I'm here, laying next to him. I hope that I'm not giving him hope that there will be a future between us other than being co-parents and friends. That's all there can be between us. I lay in his arms a little while longer, basking in the feeling of him holding me. I feel loved in his arms. The sad thing is that I have never really felt truly loved by my parents. My dad disappeared when I was younger and my mom, sure she loved me in her way, but it wasn't the kind of love I wanted or needed. I just want someone to love me like I should be. Cared for and treasured like I am the most important person in their life. Maybe someday I will find that kind of love.

I really should get back to the hotel. I'm sure that Kim is worried about me and how things went with Hardin. I slowly wiggle out of Hardin's grasp and he doesn't wake. I went into the bathroom to change back into my clothes from yesterday. Hardin is still sleeping, so I sneak out of his apartment without waking him. I probably shouldn't have left like that, but we went to sleep so late and I really just need time to think about everything that we talked about last night.

I stop and grab some breakfast pastries to take back for Kim and me. When I walk into our hotel room, Kim is sitting on the couch waiting for me. She pats the couch next to her for me to sit down. "So, how did the conversation with Hardin go?" She smirks at me and wiggles her eyebrows up and down.

"Oh stop. We didn't do anything like you are thinking. We both just slept. I refuse to get into a relationship with him again. Too much bad has happened between us for us to be able to have a healthy romantic relationship." She raises her eyebrows in question. "We talked about the babies and my pregnancy. Basically everything that has happened since I left. Oh and we opened the envelope and found out the gender of the babies."