After Hardin

42

~ HARDIN ~

The day of the ultrasound was something that I was looking forward to since I found out about the babies. Now that the day was here, I was about to throw up because I was so nervous. I was up way before dawn, trying not to wake Tessa up with my nervous energy. I layed in bed next to her with my hand pressed against her stomach that was growing my boys. I'm in awe of her growing our children. I knew she was tough before, but watching her, pregnant with our children show how amazing she really is.

After a while I couldn't lay there any longer without waking her. She is so exhausted from work and being pregnant that I knew I needed to leave her sleep as long as she could. I went to my room and worked for a few hours before I got ready for the day. I didn't get much work done with my nerves as high as they were.

Guilt ran through my body when I had to wake Tessa. She was still tired, but I let her sleep as long as possible and made her breakfast for the road. The wait in the office almost killed me until Tessa took my hand in hers. She has this calming effect on me. I feel like when I'm with her and she holds my hand that I can do anything.

I was just starting to relax when Tessa's name was called and the nerves hit me again, this time like a ton of bricks. The sound of my heart pounded in my ears and the room began to spin. I felt like I would pass out until Tessa reached her hand out and took my hand in hers. She grounded me again and pulled me through the anxiety. I watched Tessa in the exam room and saw how confident and strong she was while facing an unplanned pregnancy. It made my love grow even stronger for her. I know she has known longer than I and has had more time to adjust to the idea of being a mother, but she makes me so fucking proud. She shows me that I need to step up for our boys. I want to make her proud and be the best father that I can be. I won't let her or the boys down.

The doctor was immediately nice when she walked in and saw me there. I didn't get the feeling that she was judging us for having the boys. She seemed happy for us and supportive. I sat in the chair while Tessa hopped up on the table. I had no idea how this would go and where I should be. Tessa must have noticed that I had no clue what to do. Thankfully she called me over by her and laced her fingers with mine when Dr. Miller started the ultrasound.

I watched Dr. Miller's hands as she squeezed the jelly on Tessa's belly and spread it around. When the sound of the boys' heartbeats filled the room, my heart leapt for joy. I looked at Tessa's face and she was smiling larger than I have seen in a long time. The sound brought tears to my eyes, but didn't prepare me for the sight of my boys on the screen. It was amazing seeing their little bodies up on the screen.

I watched their movements on the screen in wonder. I've felt them kick through Tessa's belly, but this was so much more. Seeing them actually moving around was the best thing I have ever seen. Tessa squeezed my hand, but I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. Both boys were growing and healthy according to Dr. Miller, which is what I have been praying for. Seeing Baby B sucking his thumb was crazy.

The ultrasound was going better than good. We found out that the boys were identical twins. Tessa and I were laughing about having the boys be identical until Dr. Miller threw us for a loop.

"Tessa, Hardin." she says and we look at her. When I saw her facial expressions, all of the laughter immediately left my throat. "Well I've just found something that we need to discuss." I grab Tessa's hand tighter and pray it isn't anything major.

"Well. I can't believe that I didn't see this on your earlier ultrasounds, Tessa." Dr. Miller starts and is taking forever to tell us what is going on.

My patience is gone. "Tell us. What's wrong with our boys?" I say louder than I meant to.

"Oh. Nothing is wrong with the boys. Sorry that I worried you about them. They're healthy." She says smiling at us.