After Hardin

9

Tessa

With Vance in England still, I haven't been to work, so I threw myself into my school work.  There are only a two weeks left until this semester is out for summer.  I can't wait until Vance and Kimberly are back and we can talk about my internship and if there is room to add hours for the summer.  I don't think I will be able to handle being less busy.  I need a distraction to keep me from thinking of Hardin.  It is getting easier as the time goes on, but I still think of him multiple times a day.  I wonder what he is doing and if he is doing well. 

Today I am working on a group project for my economics class in the school library.  There are three other people in my group.  I have really started to enjoy spending time with them.  They are a completely different group of friends than the "friends" I made at first in college.   I am finally starting to build up my trust of people again.  Hardin would have a complete fit because two of the members are boys, and he wouldn't trust me with them.  Thankfully I don't have to worry about that.

"So what are you plans for the weekend guys?" Sebastian asks. "We should all go out to celebrate finishing this project."

Everyone agrees that this is a great idea.  "Tessa, are you in?" Jenna asks. 

The more I think of it, it sounds like fun.  Way better than going back home to that huge house alone.  "What do you mean by celebrate?" I ask. 

"Well what about going out to dinner and dancing on Friday after class?" Chad, Jenna's boyfriend says. 

We all agree to meet up Friday at The Grey Fox a local bar and grill before we pack up and go our separate ways.  I'm done with classes and headed to the grocery store and then back to Vance's house for the rest of the night.  I still can't get used to the size of Christian and Kim's house.  I feel so alone while I am here.  Maybe I should see if Landon wants to come and visit for the weekend.  We talk almost every evening.  He has been so supportive with everything.  I start a pot of water on the stove to boil for my spaghetti noodles, and pick up the phone to call Landon.

He answers on the fourth ring and seems out of breath, "Hey, Tessa."

"Landon, are you OK?  What are you doing?" I ask him.

"Yeah, just left my phone in my room and heard it ringing from the kitchen.  What's up Tessa?" he says.

We talk about our day today and our classes.  I tell him about my economics group and the project we just finished. 

"So do you have plans for the weekend?  My Econ group wants to celebrate us finishing that huge project and I was hoping maybe you would come to Seattle this weekend and celebrate with me.  It will be fun!"

I finally convinced Landon to come for the weekend.  He will be here Friday afternoon since he doesn't have class Friday's.  I can't wait.  The first thing I have to look forward to in awhile.  We get off the phone and I finish dinner and head to bed.

I fall asleep watching friends reruns on TV.  I wake in the middle of the night feeling like I was going to be sick.  I ran to the bathroom and threw up.  I don't feel well at all.  When I am done, I brush my teeth, get a drink of water and head back to bed.

In the morning I still don't feel well, but I force myself to get up and head into school.  I grab a coffee at the coffee shop before class.  I'm exhausted at the end of my first class and decide that I should go home and rest.  Skipping class is not what I do, but I am not feeling well at all. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow on my bed.  When I wake I get out my planner and all my study materials.  I look over my plans for the week and remember that I have my follow up appointment with the doctor to get on birth control.  I'm not sure that I really need to go now that Hardin and I aren't together, but they need a 24 hour notice to cancel and it's past that now.  I fall asleep studying with book and papers spread out all over the bed. 

I wake late since I forgot to set my alarm.  I don't have much time to get to my appointment.  I throw on a pair of black yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt before running out the door for my appointment.

I sit in the waiting room, trying to find an interesting article in the magazines on the table.  I can't seem to find anything that will hold my interest.  There is a lady sitting across from me in the waiting room with a little girl who is about 2.  She is so cute with little blonde pigtails. I wave at her and she hides behind her mom's legs.  She peeks out at me after hiding for a moment.  I wave again and she giggles and hides again.  Her mom looks up at me and smiles. 

"Tessa," I hear my name called by the nurse and give the little girl one last wave and head back.  The nurse takes my vitals and gives me the usual group of questions that you are asked each time you come to an appointment.  "Do you smoke, do you drink, recreational drugs, etc." 

"OK Tessa, we need to do a pregnancy test," the nurse says.

"W-what?" I ask. 

"It is routine to do a pregnancy test before you can be prescribed birth control.  Just take this cup in with you and follow the directions on the card on the wall.  When you are done, put the cover on the cup and set it on the counter and come on out."

"OK.." she hands me the cup and I head into the bathroom.  Why am I so nervous about this.  Hardin and I always used a condom and were very careful.  It took forever to actually go.  When I am done I step out into the hall where the nurse is waiting.  She grabs my cup and I follow her to room number 2.  She leaves me there with, "the doctor will be right in," and then closes the door.

I take my e reader out of my purse and bring up Wuthering Heights.  I can't tell you how many times I have read it, but it never gets old.  I become so wrapped up in Catherine and Heathcliff's story that I don't hear the doctor knock and open the door. 

"Hello, Tessa.  So you are here to get on birth control correct," the doctor asks and I nod at her.  She boots up her computer and looks over my chart.  "So do you know much about the options for birth control?"  The doctor starts to explain the different options that are available.  She is talking about the pros and cons of the shot, when there is a knock at the door and the same nurse from before comes in and asks to see the doctor outside for a moment.

"Excuse me," she says "I'll be right back."  She isn't gone long before she comes back into the room holding a piece of paper and sits back down at her chair and looks at me directly in the eyes.

I struggled with this chapter a bit.  I may have to go back and revise it a bit.  Let me know what you think.