Hamilton One Shots

{Jamilton} Still Hurting (77)

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, Thomas, that's exactly what you're doing!" I shouted and got in his face.  "You can either be with me or them, but guess what you choose?"

"Wait, come on, don't push this on me," he furrows his eyebrows.  

"You do not have to go to a stupid party with a boss you already get along with.  You could be with your boyfriend on his fucking birthday, but, god forbid, you must choose your job over me every fucking time," I growled and stomped away.  

"That isn't what that is!" he shouted back.  

"It is!  It's always you, you, you!  You and your stupid job!" I turned back around with fury in me.  "You and you, and nothing but you!  It's always about you!"

"Alexander, enough!" he grabs my wrists aggressively.  

"Don't fucking touch me!" I ripped my wrists from his hands, glaring at him as tears welled up in my eyes.  "You always choose work over me.  I wait all fucking day for you to return home.  And I-"

"I work so I can pay the bills," he stepped forward, towering over me.  "I work all fucking day and this is what I get?  Someone shouting at me because of one fucking birthday, and a lousy boyfriend who can't get his writing career started?"

My heart sank at those words, no longer angry with him.  My eyes became tearier as they slid down my cheek.  His eyes softened as he realized what he said.  No words were said between the two of us as I backed away from him.  

"I can't understand how you can stand there, straight and tall, and see I'm crying," I paused as I wiped my tears.  "and do absolutely nothing about it." 

I stepped a few feet away before spinning and entering our bedroom.  I gently shut the door behind me and locked it.  My head gently hit the door as the tears finally crashed down on me.  Sobs hit my throat as I slid to the floor, hitting it with a gentle thud.  I could feel the anxiety and upset feeling through every sob that escaped my lips.  I tried to silence them with my hand, closing my eyes tightly to make the pain go away.  

I hope he doesn't hear me cry.  

- 

I stared at the ceiling of the bedroom, another sniffle escaping my nose.  I didn't want to move.  I felt a weight weighing down my entire body, making me never want to move.  It is probably now afternoon, my stomach growling of having no food.  What was said last night hurt.  I honestly thought I wouldn't be impacted by words, but it hurt to the point of crying myself to sleep.  I heard him try to open the door earlier, but he couldn't do it.  He tapped his knuckles on the door and spoke gentle words I couldn't interpret before his steps led away from the door.  

That was this morning, I think.  I heard my phone go off a few times.  Maybe I should check it.  

I finally moved my body and felt my bones crack as I reached for it.  I noticed many messages from my friends and one from Thomas.  I ignored Thomas' and read what my friends had to say.  It was a group chat called the Revolutionary Set.  John Laurens, Lafayette, and Hercules Mulligan are a part of this chat.  Another chat we call Show Time! has more than the 4 of us, including the three sisters and Maria, and more.  

Lafayette started the chat by saying something about Thomas messing up.  The chat kept going with that topic, all of them trying to contact me and asking if I was okay.  I finally replied to their texts, saying I was alright.  

After replying, I finally got myself up from my bed.  I dragged myself to the bathroom and shut the door behind me.  I ignored my reflection in the mirror and turned on the shower.  I grabbed the towel from the rack and tossed it next to the shower on the floor.  I sat down on the covered toilet, letting the water warm up.