The Moon in her Broken Home (Broken Series #1)

Fractum 35

Broken 35: Years

I like him. I am starting to like him. I liked him.

But I've strayed away. I am gone and I've left. Because even when I know that I am already broken, there's more to be broken of.

Na basag na basag at durog na durog na ako pero may ipipino pa pala ang pagkatao ko. May idudurog pa. May isasakit pa.

I have found myself in the province of Batangas. I have found the half of me, the younger me. I have found myself through running away and being one with the darkness. I have found myself by being away from my mother and Cavite, and being close to the Laudes.

Even when I have found myself, I know that I might lose myself again. There's a bigger chance of me losing and breaking myself more if I let myself be.

If I let the slightest touch, if I let the slightest collision, if I let the slightest feelings, I will immediately break.

That when my feelings enter, I'd give a lot. Not everything, but a lot and most of myself.

I know. I have been there. Not in a romantic relationship, but with the relationship of me and my mother.

I loved her so much. I gave myself to her so much but she broke me, shattered me, and never loved me. I don't need nor want another reason for myself to break again, and to break more.

I have been broken so much, and so many times. Because of my mother, and never because of a relationship between a man and I. Neither do I want to break myself because of a petty boy.

I am broken because of my broken family, but I have not been broken by a romantic relationship with a boy. I don't need nor want to have 'yet' be broken.

I do not need to break myself before I learn. Before I break myself, I have already learned. That staying and looking at him... would mean that I would break my self. The slightest touch will break me. Before I can experience that, I'd stop it right away. Since I can... because I can.

I chose to leave him without a word. I chose to leave him unexpectedly like the first time I left him for my studies in Cavite. Now, I left him for my college studies here in Manila.

I chose my studies over him. I chose my rising career over love.

I know this too well. Love does not foster and grow. Love stops and ends. In the first place, I did not believe in love.

Naunang pumasok si Papa at Xandra sa condo unit ni Tita Marinita dito sa Manila. I'll be staying here. Convenient dahil hindi ko na kailangang mag-dorm, bed space, o apartment. May titirhan na agad ako na kumpleto sa gamit at bayad na lahat.

Inilibot ko ang tingin sa buong unit. Malawak at maganda ang interiors. Tita Marinita owns this but she can't use it because of her citizenship and stay in Canada. Makikitira lang ulit ako sa isa sa mga tirahan ni Tita Marinita.

She sponsors me in everything and I am very thankful for that. With these and her warmth, she's more of my mother than my biological one.

While my mother did not support me because she only wants me to be the engineer she wanted herself to be.

Tulala lang ako buong byahe na si Papa ang nagda-drive ng isang puting pick-up papunta dito. I left immediately the morning after I talked to that... boy...

I need this. I need my studies. I don't need a man because I need my studies.

Sumuway na ako ng tuluyan. Hindi na ako sumunod ng tuluyan. Lumayo na ako ng sobra. Hindi ko na sinunod si Mama sa kahit anong gusto niya.