The Moon in her Broken Home (Broken Series #1)

Fractum 5

Broken 5: Cleaners

I like being alone.

I like to be not seen by anyone or anything that this life gives me. I like the warmth that being alone gives me.

When the night and solitude collaborates, I feel so at peace. Because if I am alone, no one can hurt me. If I am alone, no one can reach me. Mas gugustuhin ko siguro ang maging mag-isa kaysa makasama ang mga taong alam kong sasaktan lang ako.

Because we don’t like the loneliness, hence, we like the peace. The peace of mind that no one can be the reason of you being hurt except yourself. Kapag nasaktan ako, wala akong ibang masisisi kundi sarili ko dahil wala naman akong ibang kasama.

Kaya kapag ang mga kasama natin ay mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan natin, we feel at peace. I feel at peace when I’m with people who I know I can trust. I feel at peace when I’m alone. It’s the same effect. Except that, I don’t feel at peace with people I know I can’t trust.

Kagaya na lang kapag kasama ang mga pinsan ko, I feel so happy. Pero kapag mga taong sinaktan na ako noon ang kasama ko, I feel so uneasy and unhappy. My peace of mind is shattered because of people I can’t trust.

This is why I have a strong façade. Hindi ako nanghihingi ng atensyon kaya ayokong nakakakita ng mga taong naaawa sa akin.

The façade is for trust. For sociability. Para mapakitang maayos ako. Maayos naman. People just think that I’m not so I have to prove to them that I am. I have my strong façade so that I can have a peaceful social life.

Na hindi ako ma-attitude at hindi ako bastos kaya walang karapatan ang kahit sino na pagsalitaan ako ng masama. Wala silang dahilan para magpakita ng hindi pagrespeto sa akin dahil maayos naman ang ugali ko.

There’s no acceptable reason because insecurity is not accepted by me. Your insecurity does not define who I am.

“Answer page one hindred fifty seven, letter C, on your values 8 books,” utos sa amin ng lalaking guro.

Grade eight is not the hardest. It’s hard for some student like me who strives to be the best, but in general, it’s easy to pass this. It’s easy to pass, but it’s hard to ace and be high.

Kaya kahit sinasabi ng iba na madali lang, ako, pinaghihirapan ko pa rin. Madali lang naman kung gusto mo ay 10/20 ang score mo. Pero dahil ang gusto ko para sa sarili ko ay 20/20, I work hard for my grades.

Page one hundred fifty seven, letter C. Look around your classroom and pick out three classmates you find very unique. First, ask them about the stories behind their names; then, write what you think makes them unique.

I have no friends in my school. I try to distance myself from others politely so that they won’t be in the way of my goals. I can’t let emotions get the best of me when I study so hard to make my grades high. This façade will go on longer.

“Iris, saan galing ang pangalan mo?” marahang tanong ko sa katabi ko sa seating arrangement.

Tumango siya sa akin. She leaned a bit closer to me, “Ah! Iris April Margaux. Iyong Iris, parang OST… ano nga iyon? Theme song! Oo, theme song. Theme song nina Mommy at Daddy mula pa noong highschool sila. April, anniversary nila tsaka buwan din noong kinasal sila. Ang Margaux, si Daddy ang pumili para isunod daw sa pangalan ni Mama na Margarette,” sagot niya.

Tumango ako at ngumiti, “Salamat,” marahang sagot ko.

I didn’t bother thinking about the song. Hindi ko naman alam ang kanta kaya hindi rin akoo makaka-relate. I’m not sure kung hindi ko pa ba napakinggan o napakinggan ko na pero hindi ko lang alam ang title. I’m not familiar of it, anyway. I’ll just shrug off my thoughts.