The Moon in her Broken Home (Broken Series #1)

Fractum 26

Broken 26: Summers

I have devoted all my life to my mother—which I regret so much.

Sana pala hindi ko pinaasa ang sarili ko. sana pala maaga kong napagtanto. But atleast I was not too late to realize everything. My fifteen years of life realizing is enough. Mabuti na rin at maaga kong napagtanto ang mga ganitong bagay nang sa ganito, hindi ko na masasaktan pa lalo ang sarili ko sa darating na panahon.

These are what my realizations taught me. To not impress others, instead to express myself. To learn how cruel life can be, to expect the worst and be ready. To not chase those who do not want me. To be a better mother of my future children.

I studied so hard for myself. Not for my mother, not for anyone else, but only… for myself.

Nakakapanibago. Nasanay akong ginagalingan ko para ialay lahat sa Mama ko. It’s a new thing for me to do something not for her but for myself. Nakakapanibago, pero nakakatuwa. Nakakalaya.

I don’t need to prove myself anymore. I don’t need to impress her anymore. Hindi dahil kuntento na siya sa akin, pero dahil kuntento na ako sa sarili ko. Kung ano mang ginagawa ko ngayong paghihirap, sigurado akong para sa sarili ko na ito.

I can appreciate myself while my mother can’t. It’s fulfilling to impress myself, not my mother. I compete with my past self, making myself a better version of who I am yesterday. Pakiramdam ko ay ang mabigat na pasanin ng requirement at pressure ay natanggal. All that is left is my love for my self.

You can call it my selfishness. For me, it’s my self-love. I finally found myself without the influence of anyone else. I have travelled so much just to earn the love of my mother. I was wrong. I stayed in the darkness and I found myself. I found the self of mine that I gave to my mother but she spit me away. I found myself.

I didn’t bother showing her my third mastery exams. Mababa. And it’s going to be my fault even when she’s the one who scolded me for a fake issue. Sa akin ang sisi.

I stared at my third periodical exams. Magkakapatong kaya inuring ko isa-isa ang gilid para makita ko ang grades ko ng magkakatabi.

Puro perfect maliban sa Science at ESP. Tinanggal ko ang dalawang iyon at itinabi. Isang number na two points ang mali ko sa Science at isa naman ang mali ko sa ESP. That’s okay for me but I want to see all my perfect exams together.

Ang third mastery ko ay Computer lang ang perfect. Ang lahat ng iba ay tatlo pababa ang mali. Ang ESP lang ang siyam ang mali.

I smiled at myself. My third periodical exmas are the result of studying for myself. Binawi ko ang mabababa kong grades sa third mastery at ito ang pinagtuonan ng pansin. I just hope that I continue these type of grades along with my performance tasks and other written works.

Lumingon ako kay Luxen na nasa gilid ko. nangingiti siyang nakatingin sa kain. Sineniyas niya ang exams kong puro perfect.

“Nakakaproud naman,” bati niya sa kain.

I smiled more. It’s been the same with Luxen and my boys. Only that, they’re not my flings anymore. I consider them my friends now and if they don’t consider me as one then that’s not my problem anymore.

Hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit puro lalaki ang mga kaibigan ko pero I think it’s just that the girls here don’t like me. It may be because of my angelic looks, or they’re just envous and jealous that it turned into their hatred for me.

Point three(0.3) lang ang lamang sa akin ng isang kaklase ko. I feel so sad because the only area I was lacking was the third grading. I remained in high honors but I only received three medals. Nalamangan talaga ako dahil sa mga naging exam ko noon. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako nang ma-realize na kulang pa rin talaga ako.