iz*One, ITZY, TWICE and NIZIU cracks and oneshots

Author's Crack 102

"Good afternoon, this is @Tommiji and you're currently reading Author's Crack 102. If you don't give a damn then kindly skip this chapter and wait for another day or week for another crack or chapter to be released. So as you can see, i am all alone here and i just recovered from---"
Yena:. HEY AUTHOR-NIM! HOW RUDE OF YOU TO START ANOTHER PODCAST WITHOUT INVITING US? That's treachery you know!?
"Oh" i said in monotone, pretending to be surprised by her sudden presence. "Should i still have to invite you when you can just come here when you feel like it?"
Sakura: Come on author-nimz *then playfully hits me* We missed you to bits!
Hyewon: Yeah and we haven't been on your cracks these past few days.
"Didn't we just finished having a crack a few days ago?"
Chaeyeon: That wasn't enough.
"You guys should be busy because we're anticipating for your comeback on 15. You better make sure that your management will give me a Main vocal nako and Center x Rapper Sakura and Hitomi, or else"
Sakura: Wow, did i just heard you call my name author-nimz? I truly am your favorite! *then hits me*
"Sakura that hurts!"
Sakura: Sorry! I just got a little elated after hearing you say my name.
Minju: Girl, she also did mention Hitomi.
Sakura: But i am the favorite here!
Yena: Says who?
Chaewon: OT12 speaking?
Nako: Not going to say anything against Kkura-unnie.
Sakura: See? *then she leaned her hands on Nako's head* Nako approves.
"Seriously could you please get your lazy asses out of he--"
Eunbi: Everyone, Author-nim it's time to eat!
"Nah, i'm full--"
Sakura grabs my hand on the table.
Sakura: Come on author-nim, you don't have to be shy..
*sniffs sniffs* "What's that smell? It smells good"
Eunbi: Does it triggers your hunger? Well, it was just a normal breakfast. Steak, a little of fried rice and appetizers.
Hyewon: Right on time, i'm hungry!
All of them: Thank you for the food! *then starts eating*
I took a small bite on steak and plays with it.
Eunbi: Author-nim, don't play with the food.
Yena: Yeah author-nim, don't mess with the food.  You're not a kid anymore, be a good girl like wonyoung!
Yujin: And Yujin!
Hitomi: You're not a good girl, you're always pissing your unnies off, remember?
Yujin: But i am just pissing you off because --
Hitomi *death glare*
Yujin: I am not saying anything. Nothing at all *sheepishly laughs*
"You guys are such a drag! *puts the spoon on the plate* I don't want to eat"
Nako: Don't you want to take another bite of this delicate yet excquisite breakfast?
Hyewon: Wow, new word from you. what's that word again?
Nako: Nevermind.
Wonyoung: Geez unnie, you're playing with the food.
Hitomi: It's a bad etiquette you know.

I tried having a bite on the meat but i cannot swallow it. I suddenly feel nauseous.

Chaewon: What's make you hard to swallow that? That's not your pride that you can barely swallow, duh.
Hitomi: Deep, i can't understand.
Sakura: I think author-nim can't really swallow them, look! She's struggling!

I run to the comfort room and puke.
Went back to the scene, all of them were staring at me in a very awkward way.

Chaeyeon: Geez, are you for real?
Eunbi: I didn't put too much sendiments on the food.
Yujin: The food is good if you asked us.
Chaewon: Maybe because author-nim's stomach isn't really a human's --
*hits Chaewon with a lightstick*
"I am not comfortable with food. Not because it's not tasty. It is tasty and good but i really don't eat meat"
All of them gasps in disbelief.
"Don't give me that kind of reaction!"
Hyewon: You're a vegan?
Chaeyeon: Is that what americans usually eat?
"Okay i only have a 1/4 american blood but that doesn't mean i--"
Hyewon: But like other americans, you don't eat meat.
Hitomi: Let me guess, you eat Cheerios for breakfast?
"Who taught you Americans were like that? Not every americans are the same you know. And i am not an american!" I protested. "I am i have a little of American blood but that doesnt make me a wholesome american" then i look at Eunbi. "Eunbi-unnie, do you have any Cheerios there?"
All of them facepalmed as i went to the food closet and grab some cheerios and ate it.
Minju: Geez westernian kids.
Then we all continued eating, while they're eating peacefully, i sneaked myself out--
Eunbi*pulls me back* Nope and Nope. You're not going to start a podcast without us on the screen, no-uh.
"I hate it when you're treating me like this"
Eunbi: You're such a kid you know?
"I'm older than Sakura just so you know"
Eunbi: But you're more bratty than her.
"We are more bratty than anyone. You're even brattier than--"
Eunbi hits me with a Lightstick.
"Hey, that hurts!"
Eunbi: Is it that painful?
"It is, what i hit you with that Lightstick too?"
Eunbi: How much painful it it?
Eunbi's face turns sad.
Eunbi: Is it more painful than Z O Z I?
"H-hey, s-stop--"
Eunbi: What if the Z O Z I comes author-nim. You might be making fun about it, but deep inside i know.. you care ..
"Well it's inevitable. All the good things end when the right time comes. All you have to do is to cherish the moment and accept what was about to happen. We cannot change them, its.. its irrevocable--"
Eunbi*smirks* Gotcha author-nim.
"What?"
Chaeyeon *who arrives on the scene* Geez why are you crying author-nim?
"I am not"
Hitomi *in a sarcastic way* Oh yeah guys, she's not crying alright. Those tears were just bored that's why they decided to go out and have some fresh air. *rolls eyes*
Chaewon *whispers* That was savage *ze do fistbumps with her*
I wipe my tears and starts to be serious.
"Since all of you seems to be done then let me start my podcast now now" then i faced my invisible readers.
"Okay guys, this is tommiji"
Eunbi: My name is Eunbi. And we're Hana Dul Sen,
All of them: IZ*ONE!
"Much more like a Iz*Clown since you guys are always clowning around" i said in a whisper tune and giggles.
Eunbi *pinch my cheeks and smiles* You saying something?
"I am not.." then i pull her hands away from me. "So guys, since iz*One is here then i'll be asking them some questions about their upcoming come back this June 15" /ze look at them/ "You bitches ready?"
Yuri: And we're going to ask Author-nim too!
"I always knew you're going to say that. And expect this podcast to get a little messed up because --"
Wonyoung: Oh well, let's start now!
"I hate it when you're always speaking without letting me finish my sentence first" Then i noticed Sakura who's doing something. "What are you doing Kkura?"
Sakura: Playing, showing my very finessing moves. *ze shows me her what she's playing on her NDS lite*
"Neat tactics"
Sakura: I know right, i have to possess the same intelligence and mind as yours in order to be your favorite.
Hitomi: Intelligence? Mind? You mean the Narrowmindedness unnie?
Chaewon: Nice one
*slaps the both of them*
"Okay" i clap to get their attention. Stop what you're doing for now because we're about to start. Okay folks I'm --"
Nako: Author-nim and you're currently on Author's Crack 102. You have said that three times on this chapter already. Why don't you just start so that we all can go home now and focus on our comeback?
OT11 *gasps*
Eunbi: Nako...
Wonyoung: That wasn't very polite Nako-unnie, i thought you're always polite.
Minju: Since when did you learn how to be savage Nako?
Chaeyeon: Well, chaewon is their leader.
Chaewon *ze wears her savage shade* I know right. That's how my leadership works.
Hyewon: Didn't thought that all members in JII unit are bunch of savages.
Wonyoung: I'm not a savage!
"Okay fine,  so let me ask you, what are the things that you want to share us, your fans about your comeback?"
Eunbi: They're going to love it and we have prepared a lot of concepts to surprise them.
"And what are those concepts?"
Wonyoung *was about to spoil*
Yujin anf Chaewon*stops her*
"I have a hint that it might be a Banana or something because you're filling us with too much of Bananas *smirks* Now i have a feeling that--"
Chaeyeon: Author-nim, could you please stop your lucid thoughts from functioning? Seriously author-nim.. I thought you have changed.
Wonyoung: What's with bananas by the way, Author-nim?
Hitomi: Yeah what's with Bananas?
"Well, Bananas.."
The remaining 9 of them *glares*
"Is good for your health! it has vitamin B to enhance your stamina and to boost your immune system!"
Yuri: Wow she sounds like a commercial model..
"Ofcourse *ze waves hair* --"
Yena: Of an old lady's vitamins.
Team Iz*One JII - 10
Team Iz*One KI - 0
"Enough with the banana talks!"
Hitomi: But author-nim! *ze sings* I'm so curious, I'm so curious..
Yena: Well because you have to undress the banana before eating it, duh? Is that right author-nim? Hmm?
Eunbi *hits us both with Lightstick*
"THAT HURTS!" both of us said in unison.
Hitomi: What does Yena-unnie mean?
Yuri *pinches our cheeks* You girls doesn't know how to control your mouth eh?
"If she can't control her mouth then why don't you manipulate it using yours?!"
*gasps*
Hitomi: Wait is that..
Wonyoung: Ehh??
Wonyoung and Hii chan exchanged looks then gasps.
OT12: AUTHOR-NIM!!!!!!
*spaank*
"Okay, that hurts! Enough of this! Act professional will you? This is a live sitcom not a jungle"
Minju: A live sitcom that no one watches.
*inserts snoop dog*
3 points for minjugatooo!
Team KI - 5
Team JII - still 10
"Stop that! *turns off the savage song*  Back to the question. What to expect in your anticipated comeback? Like can you give me a some sort of clue or something?"
Eunbi: Well there's some new set of rappers, a new christened rappers, uhmm dance breaks.. well it was full of surprises, there's division of units, like the unit that we have here on this series will be over because we are divided into three units for a magic school concept or something and just yesterday, we are divided into two for --
Hitomi: A little mature and explicit concept that might please an old lady like you, what else?
"Hii-chan, i'm talking to Eunbi"
Eunbi: Well, i think that will be all because *whispers* Vlive warned us about giving too much spoilers.
"That's kind of bad, you still haven't paid the heater that you--"
*ze pinches my cheeks*
Eunbi: Author-nim's mouth sure has no zip, no?
*removes her hands off my beautiful face*
Minju: Okay it will be our turn to ask you some questions. *ahem* You surprised a lot of viewers when your mixed ancestry was revealed a couple of weeks ago.
"It was your big mouth who revealed it, duh"
Minju: Well, since it was already revealed then tell us how does it feels to be a foreign kid who grew up in a different country.
"I haven't been to US, just so you know"
Minju: Okay so tell us how does it feels to have three different races flowing on your veins.
Yena: But you have no foreign features if you asked me.
*spanks Yena*
Yena: That magic hand of yours sure comes out of nowhere *rubbing her head*
"Well to answer that question. It doesn't feel anything since i never knew about my foreign side when i was young tho i was often being ridiculed because of my fair yet reddish complexion like what you saw on the picture."
Sakura: They're making fun of it, but i kind of think it's cute. Like look at those tomato red cheeks of yours, they're fluffy.
"Well kids back then usually ridicules you for having a different traits. my hair color back then seems kind of odd because its raven plus my almond shaped eyes back then that makes me look like i'm a chinese and they're making fun of me because of those"
Yujin: Pretty much like in Korea tho. When they saw a kid with a different trait as them, they will label them as "Aliens" or outsiders. I once experienced the same even if i'm a full blooded korean with a some sort of dark complexion.
Wonyoung: You never told me that. I thought we know each other already.
Minju: Looking at your picture from 2003 to present made a whole lot of difference like your puberty ruined your foreign traits.
Hitomi: Sad to say that now, you're just an old ha--
*slaps both Minju and Hitomi* 
Eunbi: Next question author-nim, What is the first and official song that you wrote?
"Give Praise, a Gospel song with 8 stanzas. I really want to sing that song someday at our church but i kind of lost that song, i think i accidentally burned it when i was in 4th grade *scratches* Can't remember tho. My turn, who is or are your foreign musical influences?"
Eunbi: I'm not really a fond of foreign artist but i'll cite Little Mix because they're pretty popular here in Korea. Especially their korean version of "Wings". I remember liking Jesy Nelson because of her flawless dance breaks.
"Mm. Little Mix eh? Good choice, i can see that you have a good taste there. And Jesy? Whoa, it was kind of rare to encounter someone who is a Jesy Bias."
Sakura: Well, can i simply consider Red Velvet because i grew up in Japan where local music cultures are everywhere. And yes, i am an Irene-bias *gushes*
"Gay"
Chaeyeon: Mine is Beyonce because i love how she effortlessly nail those high notes while dancing. She's the woman that i aspires to be.
"And you finally surpassed her"
Chaeyeon: No! Bey11 is an icon and a legend. no one can surpass her!
" Well atleast you have a very peculiar taste there. I love beyonce too when she was in Destiny's Child."
Chaewon: Hmm. Disney songs? I used to memorize a lot of them but my favorite is "I See The Light" of Tangled.
"Well.."
Hyewon: Aren't you a fond of Disney Princesses and Songs too author-nim?
"Whatever.."
Minju: It wasn't musical but harry potter has become a cultural impact. I am a potterhead like you Author-nim:
"Blah, overrated. Swerved into Percy Jackson cos Harry Potter is an overrated shit --"
Minju: And the movie version of Percy Jackson was a trash with such cringy and bland actings.
Another three for Minjugatoo!!
Team KI - 8
Team JII - 10
Hitomi: I have been roasting here since the beginning but why are we still stuck on 10?
"Shut up"
Nako*fidgets her fingers* Mine.. uhmm.. Twice.. and .. and.. Jihyo.. *nosebleeds*
*ze puts tissues on Nako's nose to stop it from bleeding*
Hitomi: Before i became a fan of twice, i was once a KARA fan and my role model that time was Ji Young.
"We do have that in common girl"
Yuri: I am more into unnamed gospel songs and souls so i can barely remember.
Yujin: Uhmm. Everything from your time, you know 2000s.
"I'm not that old just so you know"
Wonyoung: Ariana Grande.
"Okay, glad to hear those. Never even thought that you girls are blessed with taste"
Sakura: My turn author-nim, is it true that you want to write a song for any of Kpop artist?
"Well... uhmmm"
Sakura: I saw your tweet about it, look *ze shows her phone*
Hitomi: Oooh, civilization has finally come into you, author-nim, congratulations!
Team JII - 20 points
Team KI - 8 points
Chaewon: Didn't know that hitomi alone can fill our score board, wow. You're truly a savage hii-chan.
Eunbi: Back to the question... Author-nim?
"Well, it wasn't that bad right? But i'm not much of a good song writer so my compositions won't be used. I am an inexperience mediocre writer tho i want to write a song before you disbanded. Perhaps that will be my contribution to the fandom atleast.."
Sakura: Bur you're not writing a song anymore author-nim.
"Because i just figured out that it wasn't for me. I have some other thought in my mind.. and writing a song for you guys weren't on those"
Hitomi: It seems that you are the one who's making a limit to yourself. Your limiting to yourself from something good that is about to happen.
Yena: Yep, the author-nim that we know is a self claimed critic, an author and a writer.
"Well.."
Eunbi: Just write everything that's on your mind author-nim.
Yuri: We're looking forward to it. It might happen soon, for real.
"Give me, 5 minutes to write and i'll just tell you all when it's finished"
*ze grabs my phone and types a lyric*
Minju: Five minutes is too quick to write a song.
"Okay, line the other lyrics here and there.. Done.. i already sent it to Yuri *snaps my fingers and disappears*"
Wonyoung: The disappearing author-nim. *sighs*
Yuri opened thr file and listened to its snippet while reviewing the song.
Eunbi: How was it?
Yuri: It was a love song with a twist of 2000s and Kpop. It seems that she finally adapt the natural kpop sound *smiles* This is a new level of improvement. Tho she can't lose grasp on 2000s.
Yujin: Author-nim is that old! *laughs*
"I heard that"
Yena: Oh hey author-nim!
Nako: I always knew you're just around.
"I am just fixing the tune"
Yuri: Mind if i help? Piano?
Nako: I'll do the guitar!
Chaeyeon: I'll do the dance breaks!
Sakura: Stage appeal is on me!
Minju: I'm in for the visuals!
Chaewon: I'll share my God Tier Vocals.
Wonyoung: Rapping? Me, Yena-unnie and Hii-chan got this. 
Yujin: I didn't get another rap part again, author-nim!
"It's all done. You guys go now"
Yuri sends the lyric to all of them and
Yuri starts playing the piano.
The girls starts practicing their vocals while reviewing the lyrics.
"You're in now guys?"
Eunbi:. Let's give it a try!
"Sakura will do the first part"
Sakura: I ALWAYS KNEW I AM YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR-NIM!
Chaewon: Here she is again.
Sakura: Get ready to be wrecked! *clears throats*